Unpaid Doctor Bills

[Thunderstruck]

DH's uBPDx has a habit of throwing doctor bills into the garbage. She never pays them. So instead of taking SD9 to her regular pediatrician, she takes her to the ER or a walk-in clinic. Just bounces around until she gets to someone she hasn't owed yet.

We just took SD9 to her pediatrician... .and got hit with a $544 unpaid bill for services three years ago that uBPDbm never paid. (this was when uBPDbm and DH were still living together, they were never married).

We paid it all and requested half from uBPDbm, but of course she's blaming and creating reasons why she shouldn't have to pay. And she's still demanding child support.

Well, we don't have a CO so there is nothing that says she has to reimburse the bill. There also is nothing that says we need to pay child support (we calculated what it might be and pay that amount anyway).

This is irritating to me. uBPDbm racks up bills without our knowledge or consent and we get stuck with it.

I really hope we can use this as justification for medical decision making. It's pretty irresponsible.

[catnap]

I think you might be able to use it to get medical decision making.   By hopping from doctor to doctor there is very little continuity of health history and care. 

[maxen]

This is irritating to me. uBPDbm racks up bills without our knowledge or consent and we get stuck with it.

sorry, i don't follow exactly. if they're divorced, how is your h (and you?) responsible for his ex's bills?

[Panda39]

If I were you I would go for a court/custody order so there are rules the ex has to play by to protect yourselves and son.  Document/keep records of any thing like this that you do.

[Thunderstruck]

This is irritating to me. uBPDbm racks up bills without our knowledge or consent and we get stuck with it.

sorry, i don't follow exactly. if they're divorced, how is your h (and you?) responsible for his ex's bills?

They were never married. These are bills that uBPDx ran up taking SD9 to the doctor. Legally I believe they are each responsible for the payment. There is no custody order in place yet so we don't have any guidelines to follow.

[maxen]

This is irritating to me. uBPDbm racks up bills without our knowledge or consent and we get stuck with it.

sorry, i don't follow exactly. if they're divorced, how is your h (and you?) responsible for his ex's bills?

They were never married. These are bills that uBPDx ran up taking SD9 to the doctor. Legally I believe they are each responsible for the payment. There is no custody order in place yet so we don't have any guidelines to follow.

I see, because it's the child. I'd guess not other bills though.

[Panda39]

Married or not, together or not, they are still son's parents and have joint responsibility.  Unless you are willing to continue of this type of thing I  would consider going to court.  Has your SO ever talked with an attorney?  What does custody look like now?  Are there other conflicts or things that you and your SO end up taking responsibility for that BioMom should be?

I just think a more formal arrangement might be something your SO might want to consider... .he does have rights.

Without a Custody Order how does he get her financial responsibility enforced?  I don't think he can other than to ask her for repayment and that doesn't seem to be working.

[ForeverDad]

Every time I went to court I never got a dime from ex, but my consolation prize was that the order concerning custody and parenting schedule did improve.  Although ex never submitted her earnings, due to our "disparity in income" my lawyer said to include it but not push too hard so my seeking more time wouldn't appear to be about the money.  A couple orders ago her percentage was set at 17% but I never get anything.

Oh, and after the last order her car had trouble and she bought a new 2014 car.  I'm told next year is the year for son to get braces, oh the financial joy.

I have a reasonable order finally so now I can accept what is.  If you have current cases then yes to bring it to the court's attention and any associated professionals.  Whether you'll get the reimbursement, I don't know, but it may add weight to other documentation and help tip the balance in your favor.

[Thunderstruck]

We have been working on getting a CO in place (for two years now). Right now we're in the middle of a CE so we're waiting for that to finish before our final hearing. However, there is a temp hearing in two weeks (uBPDx is asking for an order for child support). So... .maybe this will be enough to push for decision making or maybe not. We really want the CE finished before we put any sort of orders in place because the CE is supposed to recommend a parenting plan (fingers crossed it will be in our favor).

I don't know if now is a good time to go to court for money? I'd be worried about making the fight look like it's about money rather than being about the best interests of SD9. Right now uBPDbm is the one focused on money and refuses to discuss matters of parenting.

Can we put a stipulation in the parenting plan about unpaid doctor bills? That seems unusual.

What I'm guessing will happen is if the CO says we have decision making so we pay and uBPDbm reimburses, then we will never see a dime from uBPDbm. If uBPDbm is in charge of SD9's medical, then she will be taking SD9 to the emergency room for every cough and cut and we will have to fork over money for a lot of unnecessary visits.

[sanemom]

We have a court order about medical bills, but BPD mom has never paid her part.  They all were dropped at the last agreement in June, and now she owes us $1500 of unpaid medical and her monthly child support of $60.  Her child support is garnished from the state, but as soon as they sent her notice about it in August, she "lost" her job.  The state was only able to garnish $17 before that happened.

I would just keep track... .I think every court is different about what is the threshold for the judge to do something about it.

My ex is way behind, too (yes, both DH and I had first-marriage-winners).  I decided it wasn't worth it to take him to court because he will never pay, and I don't see it as misbehavior on his part as he is not living the high life that BPD mom tries to live while not supporting her kids.

[Nope]

Saying the the child is not getting treated by the usual PCP because the BPD mom is racking up bills is not a money complaint. It's a behavior by the mom that has a negative impact on the child's care. Bringing it up that since it dalls on your DH to then fix the problem BPD mom has created, it would be in the child's best interests if he was responsible of the medical care process from the beginning rather than being the financial clean up crew when care was mismanaged.

My DH's ex got a deferral to start paying CS in January. I'm wondering if we'll ever see a dime of that. It isn't much,and she isn't living the high life either, but there always seems to be enough money for her salon visits and concert tickets.

[whirlpoollife]

I'm told next year is the year for son to get braces, oh the financial joy

If you are the one paying for the braces, get a letter from the orthodontist that it is medically necessary , otherwise it might be considered cosmetic and not covered. It is worth a try.

I paid for the braces, had the letter, sent  that and totals for year end medical reimbursement in to support dept and to x2bh , he hasn't paid any if it.  I keep all medical down to a minimum but h doesn't feel it is his responsibility  to contribute.

My CO is I pay the first 250,each child,  then h is to pay half after. At year end I send copies of the bills, paid and unpaid to the support dept, they approve or disapprove , then I send it certified mail to h. It is added on to the the support he is suppose to pay.  Throughout the year I email the expenses so it is not a surprise.   My L said that after kids are at the age that I receive no support, h is still responsible to finish paying what is due... .sure.

[Swiggle]

This has been an issue with my ex and well my DH's ex.

My situtauion is that all medical, dental and childcare is split 72/28. This was decided because of the disparity in his income with mine ex pays 72 I pay 28. Our parenting arrangement is 50/50 week on/week off. My daughter had ortho work done last year, she needed headgear and they will put braces on in two weeks. The provider we are using let us split our payment, owing directly to the provider. Maybe this could be an option for major things? For small stuff he and I reconcile every month but it is usually not more than $100 and most of that is therapy sessions.

For my DH's ex. They split medical, dental, childcare 50/50 and they make close to the same amount of money and they now have 50/50 shared. For my SD braces that she will be getting, we plan to split the payment with the provider. His ex cannot be trusted to pay us and the thing that I find frustrating is that she never tells us when she has doen something that we owe for. She has never once submitted expenses to us for payment. She might mention "oh SD is interested in doing xyz and it is $80 (they split sports as well) then she will sign her up, pay but never tell us. We know SD is going since we take her but when we ask mom for documentation and details she flakes.

[Thunderstruck]

Saying the the child is not getting treated by the usual PCP because the BPD mom is racking up bills is not a money complaint. It's a behavior by the mom that has a negative impact on the child's care. Bringing it up that since it dalls on your DH to then fix the problem BPD mom has created, it would be in the child's best interests if he was responsible of the medical care process from the beginning rather than being the financial clean up crew when care was mismanaged.

I like this. This is the exact way we should put it for the CE and the judge.

[Nope]

I like this. This is the exact way we should put it for the CE and the judge.

Just make sure you edit for typos first. Ugh, stupid phone.