My Sister

[MiMi33]

Hello,

I'm a single mom in Wichita living with my sister who is 39 and BPD. My son is 16 months old and I started checking out this site because I'm at a loss of how to deal with her. I love her dearly but it's like living with a volatile 16yr old. She drinks beer all day and does pot, it was medicinal in California where we are from but here it's just illegal and I'm always afraid my little one is going to be taken away from her lack of keeping her living space clean.

I've been taking care of her for so long that I struggle with putting her needs over my son because she has no savings and nowhere else to go. I didn't mean to vent and welcome your suggestions, thank you for listening!

Mimi

[Kwamina]

Hi there

Welcome to bpdfamily  Living with someone who has BPD can be very challenging and I believe many of our members will be able to relate to the struggle you're going through. I understand your loyalty to your sister and you desire to help her. But at the same time I would also advise you to try to put your own well-being and that of your son first. That may sound or feel like being selfish at first, bu the reality is that you can only help someone if you first take good care of yourself.

Has your sister been officially diagnosed with BPD and do you feel like she in any way acknowledges that there's something wrong with her behavior? You mention that you've been taking care of her for very long, how long has your sister been living with you? And since when did she exhibit BPD-like behaviors, was there always something wrong with her behavior from the very start or did it start at a later moment?

Since your living with her with your 16 month old son, I would encourage you to read some information we have here about boundaries and how to set and enforce them. These are very important skills when dealing with someone who has BPD:

BOUNDARIES: Upholding our values and independence

BOUNDARIES: Examples of boundaries

[funfunctional]

Hi there,

You have quite a bit on your plate.   

I know you said she is "dependant" on you and I don't understand WHY she is and also why she is allowed to drink beer all day and smoke pot in your home.

Does she watch your son for you?   

How did you ever becoming the caretaker to a 39 year old?

Does she pay towards the rent?  Food?   

To an outsider this sounds very ridiculous.  Single mom caring for a full grown adult who sits around drinking beer and smoking pot.  hmmmm

I feel for you!