Contemplating going back to Therapy

[clydegriffith]

So i was in therapy for about year after b/u with BPDx and thinking i may go back. All though i am feeling much better nowadays, i'm somewhat concerned for the future, primarily my daughter as she's currently under the care of the x. I don't believe the x would intentionally do any harm to our child but i am growing increasingly disillusioned with her man jumping behavior. She trapped the latest guy with a child as well (shes up to 5 kids by 3 guys a the tender young age of 26) and has this guy and his family babysitting all her kids while she bartends overnight. Now, while i don't doubt the latest replacement is a good guy, my concern is that we all know this won't end well and the guy and his relatives will be out my daughter's life sooner rather than later. The scenrio i described is ripe for disaster if i ever saw one: a promiscous, mentally unstable woman working at a bar overnight while boyfriend babysits a bunch of kids that aren't his. The pattern of instability that has been the norm for my daugther during the short time she's been on this earth will thus continue.

Anyhow, i dont know what to do. Fatherhood was forced on me by the BPDx as i never wanted to have a child with her. I tried to do the right thing and am paying dearly for it now. Filing for custody is out of the question as i live alone, don't have much family around and wouldn't be able to take on raising a 3 year old right now. That being said, it is my child and i have to look out for her best interests. What do i do?

[Artisan]

What a tough space you are in. Its unlikely any of us will have answers that have not already crossed your mind.

The primary thing I would do, if I were in your scenario, is to document everything and prepare for the inevitable court battle and custody case.

It will happen one day, and being prepared will ensure your victory.

Even if you are unable to raise your daughter day in and day out, you can be the primary care giver and have full custody, and have more options for raising her as she grows up and starts to go to school (in 2 years) ... .eg, if you want to do it, you can find a way, and can make the adjustments necessary for it to happen.

Yet ... .documentation.

My xBPD told me that her ex-husband used to record her covertly ; things like this are permissible in many states b/c permission to record only has to be given by one person involved in the conversation.

It's essential for dealing with a BPD b/c we all know how great and charming they can be ; you MUST have proof and documentation.

Especially b/c you are a male and the court system favors women.

And not just proof ... .a mountain of it that documents her instability, the dangerous environment for your daughter b/c this woman brings new men home on a regular basis, the mental and emotional dynamics of your ex as she communicates ... .things like that.

It's easy to prove that a BPD is crazy if you can record one. In a court, they sound totally nuts and lose all credibility.

[BrokenFamily]

Wow, I often recorded my ex in an effort to show her just how out of control she was capable of being I never imagined using it in court.

As for the question of Therapy: If you are thinking about it there is no harm in getting it. It sounds like you have a pretty good grip on what is going on and your emotions in response to it but if you feel the need to talk to someone about it, you should!

I wholeheartedly agree with Artisan, you should document everything and prepare as if there will be a custody battle in the future.

[Artisan]

My ex hated that she was recorded. I think it proved her behavior and there is no denying something on video and audio.