Obsessive grudges/feuds

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

Hi everyone,

I was curious to see whether anyone's BPD significant other tended to have obsessive grudges or hatred directed towards one of your family members or friends.

For me, my uBPDw has had an irrational and obsessive hatred for my sister-in-law (my brother's wife) for 8 years now.  From almost the moment they met, my uBPDw has had an intense and obsessive dislike of my SIL.  It really got bad early on when my brother got engaged to my SIL when they had been dating for less time than me and my uBPDw (girlfriend at the time).  I think that triggered all sorts of insecurities in my uBPDw, which was also made worse by the fact that my SIL and I share the same race and religion, whereas my uBPDw and I come from different backgrounds.  At any rate, my uBPDw now hates my SIL with an intense passion.  Literally anything my SIL does is interpreted as an insult, rude comment, etc, even though this is not true.  My uBPDw's obsession has gotten so bad that at times she will try to start up conversations with me about her 10-12 times a day.

If I ever tried to suggest to my uBPDw that my SIL wasn't really so bad and that my uBPDw had maybe misinterpreted something she said, then I would just receive a torrent of verbal abuse and be accused of not caring for her and not standing up for her.  (This was before I realized the BPD obsession with validation.)

Eventually, the hatred of my SIL eventually spread to my brother and family in general.  It has been a total cancer and had destroyed many relationships.

Has anyone else had similar issues with their BPD significant others?

[terranova79]

Hi everyone,

I was curious to see whether anyone's BPD significant other tended to have obsessive grudges or hatred directed towards one of your family members or friends.

For me, my uBPDw has had an irrational and obsessive hatred for my sister-in-law (my brother's wife) for 8 years now.  From almost the moment they met, my uBPDw has had an intense and obsessive dislike of my SIL.  It really got bad early on when my brother got engaged to my SIL when they had been dating for less time than me and my uBPDw (girlfriend at the time).  I think that triggered all sorts of insecurities in my uBPDw, which was also made worse by the fact that my SIL and I share the same race and religion, whereas my uBPDw and I come from different backgrounds.  At any rate, my uBPDw now hates my SIL with an intense passion.  Literally anything my SIL does is interpreted as an insult, rude comment, etc, even though this is not true.  My uBPDw's obsession has gotten so bad that at times she will try to start up conversations with me about her 10-12 times a day.

If I ever tried to suggest to my uBPDw that my SIL wasn't really so bad and that my uBPDw had maybe misinterpreted something she said, then I would just receive a torrent of verbal abuse and be accused of not caring for her and not standing up for her.  (This was before I realized the BPD obsession with validation.)

Eventually, the hatred of my SIL eventually spread to my brother and family in general.  It has been a total cancer and had destroyed many relationships.

Has anyone else had similar issues with their BPD significant others?

[Deeno02]

Hi everyone,

I was curious to see whether anyone's BPD significant other tended to have obsessive grudges or hatred directed towards one of your family members or friends.

For me, my uBPDw has had an irrational and obsessive hatred for my sister-in-law (my brother's wife) for 8 years now.  From almost the moment they met, my uBPDw has had an intense and obsessive dislike of my SIL.  It really got bad early on when my brother got engaged to my SIL when they had been dating for less time than me and my uBPDw (girlfriend at the time).  I think that triggered all sorts of insecurities in my uBPDw, which was also made worse by the fact that my SIL and I share the same race and religion, whereas my uBPDw and I come from different backgrounds.  At any rate, my uBPDw now hates my SIL with an intense passion.  Literally anything my SIL does is interpreted as an insult, rude comment, etc, even though this is not true.  My uBPDw's obsession has gotten so bad that at times she will try to start up conversations with me about her 10-12 times a day.

If I ever tried to suggest to my uBPDw that my SIL wasn't really so bad and that my uBPDw had maybe misinterpreted something she said, then I would just receive a torrent of verbal abuse and be accused of not caring for her and not standing up for her.  (This was before I realized the BPD obsession with validation.)

Eventually, the hatred of my SIL eventually spread to my brother and family in general.  It has been a total cancer and had destroyed many relationships.

Has anyone else had similar issues with their BPD significant others?

She went from treating my daughter like her own to calling her a cock block and my wife. My BPD/gf became so damn jealous of my daughter. It was horrible. I still feel so bad because of what she said about my daughter and I did nothing.

[Pingo]

Like Deeno, mine had a disdain towards my daughter.  He seemed incredibly jealous or triggered by her.  She is 20 now but when he moved in with me she wasn't living here.  She spent time 'couch surfing' with friends and then lived with my parents in another province for 10 mths.  When she came back all hell broke loose.  I think it might have had to do with the fact he had no control over her and knew she would probably see through his BS.  She went back to couch surfing for another year.  She is back living with me but it would have not been possible if he was still here.

[Deeno02]

Like Deeno, mine had a disdain towards my daughter.  He seemed incredibly jealous or triggered by her.  She is 20 now but when he moved in with me she wasn't living here.  She spent time 'couch surfing' with friends and then lived with my parents in another province for 10 mths.  When she came back all hell broke loose.  I think it might have had to do with the fact he had no control over her and knew she would probably see through his BS.  She went back to couch surfing for another year.  She is back living with me but it would have not been possible if he was still here.

Yeah Pingo, they were the best of buddies while my daughter was in Milwaukee, but once shd moved back in May, she became weird towards her. Then when her and her toxic neighbor called her a cock block because she was home now,she looked at me, and I will always remember this, asjed me if i had a problem with that. I said nothing.

[Climbmountains91]

I wouldnt say its an obsessive hatred but he holds an obsessive grudge against my brother. When we had our daughter i was still living at my folks, moved out now but on this day he came back to my folks as we had just been to sign the birth certificate and my brothers going through this weird stage at the moment, his 17 just grunts at you and you cant imitate a conversation. Anyway my brother came downstairs and BPD said he didn't give him eye contact and he still goes on about it til this day, I've tried to explain my brothers going through this weird stage, its nothing personal, he don't even say hi to me or my folks or give us eye contact. He even kept joking he was autistic. Its like just get over it! It was more than a year ago. Jeez.