|
Xidion
|
 |
« on: November 30, 2014, 03:25:20 AM » |
|
1 Month ago exactly, I was dumped by my gf of 1 year and 8 months Me age 29, her age 22. Before I go into detail, I will let you know that this may be quite lengthy as I'm going to share all the details of our rollercoaster of a relationship.
Here is a summary of why I think she is definitely BPD. She lined me up before she left her bf before me of 3 years. She was infatuated with me, and adored me from the very beginning. She mirrored me, liking EVERYTHING I did and took interest in it. She told me that she cannot live without love. Her backround is this: she is the product of a broken home and a mother who showed her no attention at all. She was a cutter at a young age, and was also raped at age 14 (she was boy crazy and very promiscuous). She has severe clinical depression. During our relationship, if we engaged in an argument, she would run into the kitchen and grab and knife and hold it to her wrist. She even cut herself badly during the relationship. One of her catch phrases was "I can never do anything right". Also, she would tell me that I "never" did this or "always" did that. There was no gray area... only extremes.
Now to our relationship from front to back.
At first, it was the most amazing thing I had ever experienced. She wanted to be around me 24/7. It was as if she NEEDED me. In our stage of "hanging out" before we were officially together, I was still talking to other girls. I was undecided on who to date. I left my phone in her car and she went through it and found that i had a sexual conversation with another girl. She came to my house and was very upset... crying... the whole nine. But it was as if she wanted me even more than ever. I felt terrible and I really liked her... I asked her to forgive me and we made our relationship official about a week later (on Valentine's Day). The sex was amazing. She would do anything I wanted her to. She liked what I liked... it was like the perfect girl. We even talked about moving in together about 1 month after being together. She would also talk badly about her ex a lot. Make fun of him for certain things... etc. She admitted to me that she wanted a fairy tale relationship where she was the princess and it was perfect. I always thought that was a tough standard to live up to, but I looked past all of this.
So, 6 months into our relationship, it is still going strong, however, she starts trying to control what females I talk to. I would chat with longtime friends that were girls on facebook. Never anything inappropriate, but she was VERY jealous. She also started mentioning her ex in a positive light now, talking about things they would do and had fun doing. The same ex she talked badly about in the very beginning. She would go through my phone all the time, and question me on who and why I was talking to them. Ask me about numbers not saved into my phone. It was quite exhausting, but I went with it. Soon I had alienated about 6 lifelong friends that were never anything more and never would be. Every now and then I would have a conversation with one of them... I wasn't doing anything wrong in my eyes, but since she said she didn't want me talking to them, it was disrespecting her in her eyes, and she ALWAYS held that against me.
Nearly 1 year into our relationship, she is over at my house and i get curious and look through her phone (this is the first time i had ever done it). I looked in her email to find 2 pictures of one of her friends from facebook with him completely naked. She had sent them to her email just 2 days prior to me seeing them. I woke her up, confronted her about it. I was quite upset, of course. I didn't really know if I was going to stay with her or not. I was driving her home, meanwhile she is throwing a FIT. Screaming at me to talk to her (I was just looking at the road and driving). She grabbed me by the shirt and ripped some of my chest hair out. I pulled over and told her not to touch me again, and continued to drive her home. By the time we got to her house (35 minutes away) I gave in and let her talk to me. The thing was is, she said that the reason she did it was to get back at me for talking sexually to the girl in the beginning(1 year ago) before we were actually officially together. She would NOT take responsibility for her actions. I really should have just dumper her, but I loved this woman. I forgave her, but certainly was some distrust going on. I started getting more paranoid about who she talked to for fear that this was going to happen again. I told her I didn't want her talking to the guy she had saved the pictures of, etc. Now I was stooped to her level.
So... from the 1 year mark of our relationship to the end, she had my passwords to facebook and my phone records. She would monitor them and question me about certain phones numbers. Every now and then I would have a friend that was a girl text me... we would text for a little bit and (never anything inappropriate). But I made the mistake of deleting the conversations for fear that she would freak out. But she would ALWAYS find out about it through my phones records and accuse me of being unfaithful and disrespecting her. She started holding it over my head that I continued to disrespect her. Meanwhile I'm constantly trying to prove my love to her. I neglected so many other things in my life just because I was using all of my extra energy trying to prove that I loved her. But... NOTHING was ever good enough. I believe that this is when she started devaluing me.
1 year and 4 months into our relationship. everything seems to be going fine. She would always show that she loved me through the entirety of this relationship. She would hug me and tell me she loved me before work and always say "be good". As if I was a cheater or something. Well, this is when we moved in together. I got a promotion at my work and would have to work evenings, which she works 1st shift, so she was at home alone during the evenings. She would get very upset if I didn't text her a lot at work. It seemed like she didn't understand that I was working. She still wanted my attention constantly. With my new job, I was unable to give her CONSTANT attention that I could before getting this promotion.
Inevitably, after moving in together is when more and more problems started happening. She would pick fights with me over petty things. I would bring her home flowers and she would act like it was no big deal. She would complain that our first night in our apartment together wasn't spent making love to each other all over the place (I was exhausted from moving everything in all day). She generally acted childish during the whole relationship. VERY childish. Sometimes i would call her out on it and tell her she was being childish (she absolutely hated it when I referred to her behaviour as childish). 1 month after living together, I bought her a new phone and put her on my plan. She went out with my cousins wife and some friends to a club one night. She came home kind of drunk, which was okay. She had gotten the new case for her phone that day and I wanted to see it. I looked at it and went to turn on the phone and she grabbed it out of my hands very quickly. I asked if there was something that she didn't want me to see. She insisted that she was a surprise for me and didn't want to to be ruined. Long story short, I got the phone from her and discovered she was talking to a guy while out about sex. Saying things like "I want you on me" asking for a picture of his penis. "which was in there as well". I was absolutely crushed. since she was on my plan I was able to look at the records. She had been talking to this guy for 3 1/2 weeks nonstop during the hours I was at work and asleep. The conversations were back and forth every single minute i was at work. This is when I should have said that enough is enough. She didn't act sorry. She had this blank stare on her face and was staring into nothingness. She started crying at one point and said "You worked your ass off for this, and this is what you get". About 45 minutes later, I said "get up". I took her into the bedroom and told her to take her pants off. She was sort of confused. I said, I want to have sex. She said okay, and we had sex. After doing it, She cried, and I just turned around and went to sleep. not sure what made me want this, I guess it was my way of seeing if she was still mine or not. But she never turned it down or said not. The next day when we woke up... .She was questioning me about the future of our relationship. I told her I just needed some time to think. This was right before I had to be at work. So I go to work, and she gets in her car as I do and leaves. A couple hours go by, I'm at work and a police officer shows up. He asks me to come outside. Her step dad is there and says "We just got done moving Kiley and her things out, please don't contact her, her siblings, friends, via facebook or anything. It's over between you two" I said okay and walked back into work. I was very confused by all of this... She did something terrible to me and leaves? 2 days go by and I go to her work and ask her to talk. This is where I messed up. I should have kept it at breaking up. She convinced me that she did what she did because I wasn't giving her enough attention and that if I were to give her more attention, it would never had happened. Like a complete idiot, I bought into it and told her that I would change and give her the attention she needs. She mentioned me talking to a girl on facebook after she left and I was talking to her about the situation and not knowing what was going to happen. She said she moved out because she saw the conversation and thought I was going to kick her out. So she moved out before I could kick her out (she is very very impulsive in her decisions).
After this whole fiasco, she doesn't move any of her things back into the apartment, but she is staying there very night. She seemed to be devaluing me during the entire time of living together. I was doing my best to prove my love to her. 1 month later... I find her talking to another guy. AGAIN. This time when I call her out on it, she leaves me. This is how her leaving me went down:
She comes to my work on my 15 minute break. I start asking her who this number is she is texting and trading pictures with. She lies to me and says it's her aunt Jenny. after me telling her there's no way, she said it's her friend Edgar. Which was also false. I knew Edgars phone number. She never told me who it really was. The next words out of her mouth were... "I can't do this anymore". I really didn't see it coming, but in hindsight, I should have. I bawled my eyes out in front of her. She said, "Look at all I've done to you", You can find someone who will treat you better". Then she said, ":)o you want me to come over tonight and stay with you and we can talk"? I said yes and we kissed each other. I told her I loved her and she told me that she loved me as well. It looked so sincere when she said it. So I go back into work feeling okay. Until... .she texts me 1 hour before I am suppose to get off of work and says "I'm sorry to put you through this, but i can't do this. I have to work on myself." Instantly crushed. I didn't chase her this time.
I knew who the guy was that she was talking to. 2 nights later I went to Wal-mart and saw them together hanging out in the parking lot, instantly crushed again. She devalued me, lined up another guy, and left me. It was obvious to me.
So from the time of the breakup to now. The most NC I've had with her has been 6 days in a row. She had texted me at 2:30 in the morning and asked me to take her off of the lease (we cosigned for the apartment). She also called me... I didn't answer nor did i respond to the text till the next day. I told her that I would get her taken off of the lease as soon as I had the chance. 5 more days go by no contact... she texts me again about the lease. Told her I had not had the chance to get it taken care of. The next day, my apartment was broken into and 1200.00 worth of items were stolen. I know she wasn't involved as I'm pretty sure I know who did. But i texted her asking if she had renters insurance. This time she acted hateful and said she didn't give a f*** if someone stole from me or not. a few more days go by... I text her about some of her items that are still here. A bag full of clothes, and crockpot, and a pair of her grandpas safety glasses that have sentimental value to her. She avoids the topic of coming to get them both times I bring it up.
Now, to last night. I text her again after 6 days of No Contact. I said, I need you to come get these items from here so I can start recovering from this. She responds, and I break every rule in the book of No contact. talking about our relationship, etc. She is very cold about it and just started picking at me and what I did wrong. Not taking any responsibility at all. We arranged a time for her to get them lastnight when I got off of work (at about 2 am). I texted her and asked her if she would be alone, she said no. So I replied and said "I'm not in a position to see you with my replacement, so forget about it for tonight, I can't believe you would bring the guy with you that you left me for". She replied an hour later and Said, "Cody is not a replacement, Cody is an upgrade. I left your shirts on your front doorstep, just throw my clothes away, do not contact me ever again. You didn't treat me good, Sorry and goodbye." This being after she was completely civil with me. I texted her back some random meaningless things to which she said "I don't want to see you, you go ape sh** on me" Whatever that meant... So back to No contact.
This is the entirety of my story. I believe I'm painted black and this new guy is painted white. She is not diagnosed with BPD, but shows nearly every sign of having it. I know the best for me is to see this as a blessing, heal, and never look back. Part of me thinks I should prepare for a re engagement later down the road when she starts devaluing this new guy. Btw, he is a dirty looking fellow, didn't graduate high school, and she wears sweatpants and a dirty hoodie wherever he goes. I'm a clean cut, in shape, and nice looking guy. Part of me thinks she said that he is an upgrade because of this. What do you guys think about all of this? I'm doing okay in my recovery, but I still think about her nearly all day.
Should I prepare for a re engagement or does it seem like I'm painted black forever?
|
