What to do when the pwBPD admits to having a bad mood?

[maxsterling]

If you have followed my recent posts, my SO had two wisdom teeth taken out last Friday.  She is in pain (understandably).  And with that are all sorts of issues that come up for her in relation to pain and taking pain killers (she is a recovering heroin addict).  She said she doesn't like it when others (friends or doctors) tell her that her pain should be less than what she feels (invalidation) or that she should be able to get by with a lower dose of pain killers.  My experience with her is that she does have a lower pain threshold, physical and emotional, and that may be related to BPD.  Or maybe it is just that she has a low threshold for when she complains about pain (me accidentally bumping her when I get out of bed is the end of the world, etc).  I'm doing my best to validate her with this incident, but I feel like I am having to do a lot more depersonalizing and letting more slide.

She readily admits she is in a grouchy or irritable mood.  Yet, that doesn't stop the snippy comments or complaints.   When she admits to being irritable or grouchy, I validate, support, and empathize telling her that is understandable given the pain she is experiencing.  That seems to help, as at least temporarily she returns to being warm towards me.  Yet the barrage of snippy complaints is tough to deal with.  My question - I'm doing the validation and the S and the E parts of SET.  I've kinda been leaving the T part out because of her admission of a grouchy mood.  Should I somehow be communicating with her that her complaints and comments directed at me are hard for me to deal with?  I worry that any kind of language right now regarding how her bad mood is affecting me would make things worse, and she would then use her pain to justify her bad behavior.  So far I've been weathering the storm and her bad mood is mostly reflective towards me in small comments - but I am starting to feel worn out.

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[Grey Kitty]

You have to use your own judgement on how receptive she might be to hearing YOUR feelings about her mood. That's a tough one to sell with a grouchy pwBPD.

I would guess that telling her you that you feel (whatever), and need some time apart is more likely to give you good results.

 Take care of yourself, max!