Never felt that scared before

[Scarlett2008]

I have to survive exactly 7 days before I can escape and move to my new place. Until then, I have to live in the duplex I still own with my exuBPDbf.I live in the apartment upstairs and he downstairs. I hear him all the time opening and closing the front door because he lately took to smoke on the front porch. I can't go home or check my mail without having to pass in front of his porch. I feel scared all the time of his outbursts. Part of me wants to be strong and just tell him to just leave me alone but every time I try to set some boundaries he makes me pay for it big time. What should I do ? Should I lay low until I get to escape or should I confront him anyway ?

[billypilgrim]

I would try to survive as best you can until those 7 days are up.  I can't imagine confrontation leading to anything good or worth while.

As weird as it is for me to share and realize, I think I know what you may be feeling.  I've even lied to the majority of my friends/family regarding how this next story played out.  When my exBPD signed the divorce paperwork, I played off the scenario of getting the paperwork back as when I came home from work, I saw the folder propped up against the front porch.  In reality what happened is I was working from home that day and I heard a car pull into the driveway.  My dog barked and I heard her voice try to calm him as she walked up so I instantly knew who it was.  I heard her try to turn the key to the front door (I had changed the locks at the behest of family/therapist) but her key didn't work.  I wonder what she was thinking considering I had asked for the keys back prior?  Was her plan to prop the paperwork up on the coffee table?  Or frame it above the mantle?  Hide it under my pillow for the divorce fairy?  I'm pretty sure she thought I would be at work, hence why she came by in the middle of the day.  But why not throw it in the mail?  Or drop it in the mail box?  Why come all the way up to the front door and turn the key?  

But I was frozen in fear.  I had gotten up from my computer at first because I thought it may have been a delivery.  The second I heard her voice I felt paralyzed.  I didn't know what to do, I didn't move.  I stood there frozen in my living room and let the fear overwhelm me.  I've never felt that low in my life.  I was shaking and sweating through the whole ordeal and even up until an hour after she left.  I've never had someone control me or scare me the way she did.  Not that I think she would have done anything but just her presence absolutely destroyed me.  I was completely broken and it's embarrassing to even bring up.  

I can't imagine what it would be like to live under my ex.  To hear her move about and go on living.  I couldn't handle it, at least not right now.

[Pingo]

Scarlett, I would recommend laying low.  If you are feeling scared, there must be a reason.  Trust you gut, which I know is hard.  I am also fearful of my ex and I've had some difficult periods where I've got really paranoid.  Get through the next 7 days and hopefully move on to a brighter future where you don't have to be fearful.  Please take care of yourself!

[Scarlett2008]

To Billypilgrim : The feeling of being paralyzed with fear that you described so well, that exactly how I feel right now. Just their presence is enough. Can't wait to leave this place forever.

To Pingo : I will try to lay low. However, he's been texting me last night and this morning, we do have to meet to settle the duplex thing.But I will only do so with someone else in the house, I won't be alone with him.