What can i do to get over my ex BPD gf?

[jflc]

ive been so very hurt with our break up (the real last of a few other dozen) and ive been trying to hard to get over her. shes already in a serious relationship with someone else and in love. i thought time would make things better but it doesnt seem to have been lowering my extreme suffering in any way... im desperate and literally depressed.

any feedback would be so kindly appreciated... much love to all...

i hope i can someday forget about this traumatic experience of deception and manipulation

[Mr.Downtrodden]

It just takes time.

I'm 18 months post breakup.  Actually, there was never really a breakup, my BPDexgf swiftly changed her mind like flipping a lightswitch from 'on' to  'off'.  I wanted to remain friends, but when we met up again for the first time since my forced 'exit', she literally did the same thing again in the course of the day / night we spent together three months ago.  As a result of trying to maintain a friendship, I was unable to process things properly 18 months ago, and just delayed the inevitable pain and suffering.

I, too, am having a very hard time.  The holiday season makes it all the more daunting to go through.  But we all have to go through the process.  It's like going through rehab after being so very addicted (and that is truly what we all were - addicted to the other person). The big difference i have learned between my ex and myself: she is in perpetual denial.  I was too, but I have to try and change.  She would never change to better herself.  Status Quo is A-OK with her.

[fromheeltoheal]

First, look over there ----->

and see where you are in the stages of detachment.  There's what she does and what you make it mean, two different things.  The relationship ended, and if you ended it intellectually you'd should be happy she's gone, but we know these relationships can be traumatic even if we're glad they're over, this site wouldn't exist otherwise.  Shift the focus entirely to you, see where you are and what you need, and then spend all your energy going after it.  It's work to heal from trauma, but like anything else, the more effort something takes to achieve, the more valuable it is.

i hope i can someday forget about this traumatic experience of deception and manipulation

You won't forget, the emotional energy will just fade away until it doesn't matter anymore.  In fact, once you do the work, you may look back and be grateful that you had the opportunity to learn the lessons you did.  Take care of you!

[CareTaker]

this might help. Google: Karpman drama triangle.

I am sure you just might see yourself in it.

Then do what I did... .RUN !

[Kennyble]

hiya JFLC,

First, let me say what a wonderful place bpdfamily is. They say sharing is caring and a problem shared is a burden halved. Many here share and feel your pain, myself included. I am just off the back end (kicked off actually) of a 3.5 year rs with a diagnosed BPDgf. I got the bullet 2 months ago after she had been cold and distant for 4 months before. She ended it abruptly although I did give her some reason as for the last 3 weeks of 'togetherness'

I lost it and started to mirror her behavior so that she could see what she had been putting me through. Before that, during the 'on' stage of the rs there was more drama than you can shake a stick at, including frequent self-harm (blood everywhere), howling like a werewolf, threats, rages, aggression and spite. I tried to maintain some form of friendship in the hope that she might see reason. Fat chance - same behaviors and approach as before, used and abused. Just today I went officially NC, and it took all of 3 hours for the first attempt to break it. Could that be a record? Anyway, determined to hold firm and start to focus on myself rather than her. I guess that I deserve it and I'm sure you do too. Chin up and stay strong mate. I know it's tough and hurts like mad, but try and cut her out altogether and look to yourself. She will end up getting what she deserves, which probably ain't a nice guy like you...