Seeing friend has made me angry

[Hadlee]

Spotted my friend this morning at work having coffee with her shiny new toy.  I'm so angry.  Angry at seeing her face... .angry at the way she has treated me... .angry at her crazy mind games.

I really don't think I can be nice to her in order to avoid a hate campaign at work.  It's hurtful when she comes back every now and then being all loving and nice... .then nothing.  I don't want to be the back up attachment.  I deserve more than that.  At this point, I don't care what she says about me to other people at work.  Those people know me and know who I am.  I just want to completely ignore her when she contacts me again.  I'm over it!  She needs to know that this supply has run out.

I'm tired of feeling angry all the time.  I'm tired of not being able to concentrate on my work.  I'm tired of not being true to myself.  If this was anyone else - I would have wiped them out of my life.

Sorry for the vent

[Chasing_Ghosts]

First off never be sorry for venting, i know you had to feel that way enough with your BPD. Here were a family and families listen. So no worries! Vent on! 

It's hurtful when she comes back every now and then being all loving and nice... .then nothing.  I don't want to be the back up attachment.  I deserve more than that.  At this point, I don't care what she says about me to other people at work.  Those people know me and know who I am.  I just want to completely ignore her when she contacts me again.  I'm over it!  She needs to know that this supply has run out.

I just wanted to state this is exactly where im at with my ex. Same exact feelings. And its funny because im saying the same thing "im over it!" I too am tired of being the o'l reliable, the supply she runs to when her and her current beau arent working. Only to get dropped again like a bad habit when things are good in her life again. F*ck that, shes the bad habit and im dropping her and this addiction.

Feel a sense of empowerment in that you realized this. Youre free from the bond that was your bondage. And now you can live your life focusing on you and not her!

Sounds like a pretty sweet deal to me. 

[Hadlee]

Thank you so much for that   Your message made me cry .  In a good way though . It's so nice to have people that understand.  I was talking to another friend earlier and she couldn't understand why I am so angry - they just don't get it!  I will look at it like empowerment - should be much easier to cope that way.

[Chasing_Ghosts]

Thank you so much for that   Your message made me cry .  In a good way though . It's so nice to have people that understand.  I was talking to another friend earlier and she couldn't understand why I am so angry - they just don't get it!  I will look at it like empowerment - should be much easier to cope that way.

No problem,   im just glad my response elicited a good emotional response. We all need those moments.  Yea alot of people wont understand in the outside world due to lack of personal experience which is why i love this place. But yea for sure, its definitely a righteous anger thats justified. Embracing it is definitely a huge step in healing. 

[Hadlee]

Absolutely!  I'm smiling again now.  So thanks once again for your words - my anger has gone .  I'm feeling empowered.  Let's hope I stay like this