Got divorced today

[Aussie0zborn]

So I got divorced today. Both of us elected to not appear in court and so it was done without having to see her miserable face or waste any time on her again. The best part is that SHE paid for it!

The guy at the gelato shop cracked open a bottle of port and had a drink with us, plus he didn't charge us for our afternoon coffees and gelatos.

My friends at dinner, suggested a celebration. My girlfriend's sister rang to say "congratulations" and everyone asked how I feel.

How do I feel? Its just a formality - I was so over her already. One hurdle down, ten to go. I completely forgot the divorce was today and only realised when I looked at my calendar this morning.

How have others felt when the divorce comes through?

[Ihope2]

I felt empty, flat, drained, no energy, but with a deep sense of sadness for everything that was not.

I might just add that in my case, everything was conducted at whirlwind speed in this relationship:  meeting him, "dating" him, him moving in with me, us talking about marriage, eloping to get married, and then divorcing 11 months later.  So actually, I felt more like a "hit and run" victim, to be quite honest!  It is only now in the aftermath of it all that I am grounding myself and coming to my senses.

The moment the talk of divorce started, he disappeared, although he did stick around for  a week to sign the necessary paperwork, which in itself was a hell of thing to go through, as he was doing it under such great protest, accusing me of abandoning and betraying him, etc.  Threatening to kill himself.  Etc. Then he was on a bus and gone.  I waited 2 months for the divorce trial date, and I had to appear in court on my own to get it done.

[imstronghere2]

I felt empty, flat, drained, no energy, but with a deep sense of sadness for everything that was not.

Yeah, that was pretty much me too.  I tend to say that I felt "hollow".   The exw on the other hand, didn't appear to be affected by it in the slightest.  Showed up (late) with a big smile and all full of cheer.   

22 years with that woman flushed right down the toilet in matter of a couple of months.  Just WOW!   

Now after 3 years of NC (I got sole custody of our kids) she sent a picture of herself to our son on his phone. 

She still looks radiant, beautiful and happy.

I look in the mirror and I see (53 yrs old) tired, stressed and worn out, aging fast.

Nice, eh?

[SpringInMyStep]

Mine should be final one month from now and I can't wait.

[Pingo]

I'm still 7 months before i can finalise the divorce but when my divorce with my first husband went through and I got mailed the papers I cried. Which was odd because I never looked back after leaving him. It was just sadness because I was closing a chapter of my life. My uBPDexh was actually with me that day and was very understanding and consoled me, which is ironic.

[levelup]

My divorce was finalized last week.  It was also an uncontested divorce, so we didn't have to go to court.

I was lucky that I found out only a couple days before Thanksgiving, so I got to spend some time with my family.

I don't know how to process bow I feel about this.  Even though I filed for the divorce myself, the whole time, a part of me was wishing she would reach out to me with somekind of sign that she'd be willing to really work on things and make things better.

That never happened.  Now I've got to figure out how to forge ahead without her.

[Indyan]

meeting him, "dating" him, him moving in with me, us talking about marriage, eloping to get married, and then divorcing 11 months later.  So actually, I felt more like a "hit and run" victim, to be quite honest!  

Same here: 2 years in total, just over 1 year living together, baby's only 10 months... .

All this is science-fiction to me, I can't come to my senses just yet.

[newlifeBPDfree]

To me divorce did not solve anything. In fact, it only escalated his attacks on me. He's still very much in control over my life and draining me emotionally a year after the divorce was final.

[Indyan]

To me divorce did not solve anything. In fact, it only escalated his attacks on me. He's still very much in control over my life and draining me emotionally a year after the divorce was final.

Oh Lord... .

That leaves me with little hope... .

What does he do to you these days?

[newlifeBPDfree]

To me divorce did not solve anything. In fact, it only escalated his attacks on me. He's still very much in control over my life and draining me emotionally a year after the divorce was final.

Oh Lord... .

That leaves me with little hope... .

What does he do to you these days?

He just attempted suicide last night. He had delusions about me "cheating" on him after we divorced . Now he sends me selfies from hospital bed telling me I did all this.

[Indyan]

He just attempted suicide last night. He had delusions about me "cheating" on him after we divorced . Now he sends me selfies from hospital bed telling me I did all this.

But hang on... .either you feel emotionally involved and want a r/s with him still or you don't.

If you don't, I suppose you shouldn't answer back.

How do you react to all this?

[Forestaken]

How do I feel? Its just a formality - I was so over her already. One hurdle down, ten to go. I completely forgot the divorce was today and only realised when I looked at my calendar this morning.

How have others felt when the divorce comes through?

Relieved! That's how I felt (May 2014), immediately I ran to the benefits office and took her off my health insurance, contact my mortgage officer to start re-fi the house so I could (and did) keep it.

As for hurdles, I still have her crap in my garage - finally this Sunday she moves it out as agreed.

High conflict, high drama divorce - yes, she get alimony + marital cash But I have the kids and the house.

BTW: Heading to Hawaii in Feb 2015 (solo) 

[Ihope2]

To me divorce did not solve anything. In fact, it only escalated his attacks on me. He's still very much in control over my life and draining me emotionally a year after the divorce was final.

Oh Lord... .

That leaves me with little hope... .

What does he do to you these days?

He just attempted suicide last night. He had delusions about me "cheating" on him after we divorced . Now he sends me selfies from hospital bed telling me I did all this.

Sounds familiar.  It is very traumatising to be on the receiving end of this type of "blaming exhibitionistic suicidal" message.  I got an email with a photo attached of him in some melancholic pose (a selfie photo), and basically he told me he was going to end it all and he would send me the last of his possessions, and would I mind scattering his ashes in a certain place when the time came... .

And then a week later, I got another email about how he swallowed a whole lot of his mood stabilising meds and X amount of lithium pills but he survived it and now realised that he was not meant to die... .

Suicidal ideation done with an audience in mind (ie you) is to my understanding a highly manipulative thing to pull you back into his drama, and I would suggest that you do not respond at all.

[Forestaken]

Ya'all need to change your numbers.  My kids did it with momster. 

Else you're really not closing the door.