why is it so difficult to move on?

[BrokenFamily]

It's been 3 months post breakup, she obviously cheated because she started seeing a guy the day after our breakup. Despite being a great boyfriend and daddy to our daughter; she's called me horrible names, made up stories about me, told me she wants me to die and trashes me to her family and anyone else who will listen.

Why would that be hard to get over?

I'm starting to realize she destroyed most of my friendships during the time we were together (with her rage or just jealousy) so it's difficult to go out and socialize.

I'm also thinking it's like a form of Stockholm syndrome, Could we want to be abused out of habit?

It could also be PTSD from having someone who loved us so much turn to hating us overnight giving us serious emotional pain and trust issues about dating again.

Getting back together shouldn't even be a thought!

If I take a step back it's easy to say that it was an unhealthy relationship where I was doing all the work while my partner was doing all she could to destroy us both.

But then I think of how happy I was putting my daughter and girlfriends needs first and taking good care of them.

I've given up on us ever being together again but I do still hope one day she will remember the good times and once again see me as the good person I am.

[Rifka]

Hi! Sorry that it's so difficult for you to be able to move forward. I'm going to be completely honest here, since you asked. I am not judging you, just explaining.

It is a much harder situation since you are so hands on in contact and helping still in anyway possible attending to their needs. You are still in the relationship without any of your physical needs being acknowledged or appreciated. You have allowed yourself to become triangulated for her needs and some of your own emotional needs from her and the baby.

Not the easiest situation for being able to move on. Your ex has a disorder and may never paint you white again and give you that pat on the back to tell you that you are good or what you did meant anything. It's hard to accept but that is something that needs to happen to help you move forward. If you could possibly only focus on the babies needs and not be an emotional doormat for your ex for all of her problem, that would help as well. Because of the baby you will need to have limited contact, but you have made it clear that you are available to her every need out of fear that she might limit you with the baby. You have no boundaries for her or yourself and that will keep you from moving forward. Being her taxi service, her emotional rescue and everything else her boyfriend can't do for her is keeping you emotionally attached. Maybe you subconsciously want to be involved like that for your needs as well. It's a horrible situation you have been through and continue to live daily.

Do you have a therapist that is familiar with BPD, maybe that could help you. Only you can make boundaries for the both of you to respect and not cross.

Your child is so lucky that you are so hands on in such a difficult situation. Maybe somebody here with children with their exes would be able to help you have better ideas or maybe you can read the family boards and staying boards here to get some help to learn better boundaries. I wish you the best. Your child is very lucky to have you looking out for her best interests.

Hugs to you

Rifka

[BrokenFamily]

Thank you, I agree