Looking For Understanding and Peace

[shockey91]

Hello all. I have been involved in an on again off again relationship with a BPD married woman for almost three years. We are currently off and I am trying very hard to keep it off because I have finally come to the realization that the relationship will never change. The issues are always the same. The relationship started because she told me she was going to get a divorce from her husband once her daughter graduated from high school in 18 months. I believed her and decided we could make this work for that long on the premise that we could spend the rest of our lives in the blissful happiness I was feeling at that time. Well her daughter is now a sophomore in college and she has not even separated from her husband. In fact she quit her job and he is now supporting her while she goes back to school. Her excuse now is she needs to stay until she can get through school. By the time we got to this point I was so deep into it that I couldn't even think about leaving her. I have been trying so hard to make it work while she gives so little of herself and only when its convenient for her. I am a very independent person who has my own life, friends, activities etc and I ask for very little time from her but she gives me almost none. She always has excuses about being so busy with school, chores whatever. There are times she makes me feel like I'm the most important person in the world but those times are brief and the rest of the time I am settling for her crumbs. I finally decide about six weeks ago that I couldn't allow this to be acceptable anymore and we have been no contact ever since. I had no idea how hard this was going to be. Some days I feel like I should just give in and go back to her because I feel lonely and isolated and like no one understands how I feel. My friends try their best to be supportive but I don't think someone who has never been in a relationship with a BPD can truly understand. This is what brings me here. Hoping for some guidance and support from others going through similar experiences. Thank you for taking time to read this and feel free to comment.

[Mutt]

 

Hi shockey91,

I would like to welcome you. You feel isolated, pushed away and not validated in the r/s. I'm sorry. I can relate when you say your support network is not able to validate how you feel or what you are going through. A relationship with someone with the traits of a mental illness is difficult and it's also difficult for people to empathize if they have not gone through it. Many members here understand.

Is she diagnosed with BPD? Has she tried to contact?

[tlw0057]

In my opinion... she's married... that should be enough to end it... .