Big Mistake

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

My undiagnosed ex girlfriend and I broke up two months ago. I have seriously split black. Something happened at the weekend whereby I think I have made matters even worse!

I wanted to go to a bar that is owned by my friend that she relatively often frequents. I didn't want the embarrassment of seeing her etc. and as a result my friend has said given how she has been etc and his loyalty to me he has sent her a Facebook message, very politely and tactfully saying that she is not welcome as he does not want awkwardness and any hassle. Well, as a result of this you can imagine the reaction! She has been in touch with another friend of mine (she does not have my new number) to give me a message that she says it is cruel, callous and she has gone absolutely crazy over this. Having read what she wrote (you are hindering me, scaring me, frightening me etc - incidentally I have remained dignified and not been in touch at all in any way since our break up) I decided to respond to her text from my new number. My text was factual, polite yet to the point and directly addressed the nonsense comments that she had written on the text to me. This obviously resulted in immediate insults, projection like I have never seen and a complete deluded picture of life and how relationship was. Her texts almost had no concept of reality and comments were extreme. Her comments are contradictory and her anger towards immense and the projection phenomenal.

It ended up with her finally blocking me but with me identifying to her what projection was and that her behaviour was very much akin to borderline. To be honest I got sick of the projection so told her straight what I thought. My question is:

1. Will this have registered with her as she seems to say it is me with the disorder!

2. Will she despite the nasty and vitriolic final contact  ever be in touch again?

[confused1730]

My undiagnosed ex girlfriend and I broke up two months ago. I have seriously split black. Something happened at the weekend whereby I think I have made matters even worse!

I wanted to go to a bar that is owned by my friend that she relatively often frequents. I didn't want the embarrassment of seeing her etc. and as a result my friend has said given how she has been etc and his loyalty to me he has sent her a Facebook message, very politely and tactfully saying that she is not welcome as he does not want awkwardness and any hassle. Well, as a result of this you can imagine the reaction! She has been in touch with another friend of mine (she does not have my new number) to give me a message that she says it is cruel, callous and she has gone absolutely crazy over this. Having read what she wrote (you are hindering me, scaring me, frightening me etc - incidentally I have remained dignified and not been in touch at all in any way since our break up) I decided to respond to her text from my new number. My text was factual, polite yet to the point and directly addressed the nonsense comments that she had written on the text to me. This obviously resulted in immediate insults, projection like I have never seen and a complete deluded picture of life and how relationship was. Her texts almost had no concept of reality and comments were extreme. Her comments are contradictory and her anger towards immense and the projection phenomenal.

It ended up with her finally blocking me but with me identifying to her what projection was and that her behaviour was very much akin to borderline. To be honest I got sick of the projection so told her straight what I thought. My question is:

1. Will this have registered with her as she seems to say it is me with the disorder!

2. Will she despite the nasty and vitriolic final contact  ever be in touch again?

[Waddams]

I'd have ignored her message.  She got a message to stay away from someone else, not you.  She's trying to make it about you, though.  But so what?  She can react as crazy as she wants.  Nothing you say will change her.  She's not interested in facts.  She interested in lashing out and hurting you.

Think about it.  A 3rd party told her to stay out of his business.  How are you involved?  Answer - you aren't.  Why is she responding to you instead of to the party that told her to stay out?  It makes no sense. 

Live your life and ignore the white background noise from her.  You can't reason with an unreasonable, irrational person.  You're just peeing in the wind when you try.  Better to ignore.

[Panther123]

Perfect advice. Stay out of anything related to her.