BPD Father contacting me after NC

[JayReader27]

My father has always viewed my sister and I as objects (Things that make him either look good or bad), and after having my son whom he tries to compete for attention with I have given up on our relationship. I believe that he is a BPD/Narc, he displays the characteristics in the DSM to a T. We have done family therapy and he was given a referral to do individual therapy but, refused help. I have a real sense of peace but, I am wondering if ignoring him is worth it in the long run, he still is my father. Have you been in a similar situation? If so how did it pan out?

[clljhns]

Hi JayReader27,

So, your dad has contacted you after a period of NC? Can you tell me a little more about what led to the NC? How did dad try to reconnect?

I can't say that I have been in this situation, but I am NC with my parents, and have been for many years. If either one of them contacted me now, I think I would want to know the purpose of the contact.

Wishing you all the best. 

[JayReader27]

He always uses me as a therapist, every time we are together he complains about my step-mother or work. He speaks only about how miserable he is and somehow its conveniently all someone else's fault. He also tries to manipulate me for information about my mother. It is never a genuine conversation between father, and daughter. He constantly lies about the relationship that we have to his wife, and friends often smearing me when I refuse to speak to him because of his childish behavior. I feel as if my father is a child and, I already have one kid I do not want another. I am sick of being the adult or parent for him, when he is suppose to be one for me. Therefore I felt it would be less stress for me to cut him out of my life. I also do not want him around my son, because he is jealous of the attention that I give him. And I do not want him to start treating my son bad because, he is jealous of the bond we have. Seeing that BPD is a learned behavior I do not want to chance that my son could pick up any of my fathers behavior. He has left messages on my phone saying things like "I guess you had a baby and Dad is not important anymore huh" like it is not a competition. And if I had to choose I will pick my son every time. He called two days ago but, did not leave a message.

[clljhns]

Hi JayReader27,

I am sick of being the adult or parent for him, when he is suppose to be one for me. Therefore I felt it would be less stress for me to cut him out of my life. I also do not want him around my son, because he is jealous of the attention that I give him. And I do not want him to start treating my son bad because, he is jealous of the bond we have. Seeing that BPD is a learned behavior I do not want to chance that my son could pick up any of my fathers behavior. He has left messages on my phone saying things like "I guess you had a baby and Dad is not important anymore huh" like it is not a competition. And if I had to choose I will pick my son every time. He called two days ago but, did not leave a message.

I absolutely agree that your son comes first! It is tiring to be in the role of parent with a parent. They want us to take care of their needs, to the exclusion of our own.

What are you doing to take care of yourself? Have you read any of the articles at the top of this board? I found these articles to be very helpful for me and felt validated when I read them.

Wishing you all the best!