looking for answers, 5.5 years gone and worst a 10 year friendship.

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

Hello people  

I don't really want to write my story but I'm looking for answers to some questions, my now ex gf (undiagnosed) left me for good or at least thats when i knew about 15 days ago.

This last breakup actually started July 15, thats when i first got the silent treatment and of course it made me go ballistic and what made it worse is that i think she knew exactly i was going to react the way i did.

I did the same thing i did 3 years ago but worse, texting her several times, calling her even from different numbers and try to contact with all the different channels available but this time i felt so angry that i told her a lot of hurtful stuff... .i told her she was a rat, worthless, that she didn't deserve me and that she was nothing without me and i even made a threat about going to her work and making a scene... .trust me i would NEVER do such thing, thats not who i am but for some reason i said all this but i won't deny that a lot of what i said is true

Why i said those things ? She knows why but i want to just keep her history private plus few days after the official breakup i started writing a mini journal with all the details about our journey.

Anyway after all that happened she called my house with her mother and started talking with my parents, they told them i was stalking her and all the things i did and also personal conversations i had with her, in the end like the first time she gave me the silent treatment i finally had the chance to talk to her, apologized and genuinely started crying because of everything and that i didn't meant to say any of those things etc.

She was calm at the end of the call and told me that she was late for work so agreed to txt me later when she came back home to talk more, she did and we started talking again the rest of the week and got together that sunday; we had a minor discussion but we end up having sex and making love (for me there is a difference), we also talked about us and our love... .she told me how much she loves and that i really hurt her with my words, i told her the same that i love her very much, that we were gonna work hard to endure and that we both need to time to work on our issues but our love and feelings were mutual or at least i though.

Anyway that was the last time i saw her, we continued talking until thursday and that was the last time i spoke to the women i once knew; i don't want to talk about our last conversation only that she was a bit distant and cold, was supposed to txt before going to work but that never happened.

I txt her that night without getting a reply so i just assumed she was tired and went to sleep right away, the next day i waited to heard something from her but nothing and on sunday i sent her another txt and gave her a call but it went straight to voice mail (i think she blocked my number).

I decided to give her some space and didn't heard from her for 7-8 days, something special was going to happend soon (at least for me) and i wanted to share that moment of happiness with her so i try to reach her and around 5 am on a friday she returned my call, to make the story short it turns out that she is living with another guy for a week now (at that moment), she moved in with him someone she barely knew (new job) and apparently they have life figured out and made plans   she mention everything that i said to her during the silent treatment among other things... he said some words and it seems he doesn't know the true story regarding why was i "bothering" her; what broke me the most but also let me to not shed a single tear was the fact she told him all about me including something that she was never supposed to talk to anybody, this was something like a bond between, trust, that not even being in each others life was supposed to be broken but hey it did and with someone that she barely knows.

Anyway i haven't spoke to her since that day, she was supposed to return some items but its been a few days and I'm starting to think that i should forget about it because of how everything ended.

My question is, why did she bother with that little reconciliation ? and trying to understand the sudden shift regarding our love and of course the whole moving in so fast with someone new that she barely knows  

I don't want her back in my life after knowing that she reveled that secret to this person, i don't think i even want her in my life as someone i once knew if that was possible  

Will she forget about me and i can expect to live my life without fear of she trying to contact me ? right now I'm scared to even go to some places and run into her, i remember how she told me about a previous ex that she went crazy every time she saw him.

Im not even mad about she leaving, back in mind i knew this was going to end and thats why i never married her, i though her BPD was under control all this years and that i was really helping her, she was pretty damn crazy and with a bad reputation around here before we started our relationship but i dont feel about writing about her.

The worst part for me is not the lost of a relationship more like how this friendship was broken, deep down part of me thinks that can be salvaged but i quickly remember her betrayal of her word and trust.

Ps. pardon my english   not my native language.

[saintgrey]

Hello people  

I don't really want to write my story but I'm looking for answers to some questions, my now ex gf (undiagnosed) left me for good or at least thats when i knew about 15 days ago.

This last breakup actually started July 15, thats when i first got the silent treatment and of course it made me go ballistic and what made it worse is that i think she knew exactly i was going to react the way i did.

I did the same thing i did 3 years ago but worse, texting her several times, calling her even from different numbers and try to contact with all the different channels available but this time i felt so angry that i told her a lot of hurtful stuff... .i told her she was a rat, worthless, that she didn't deserve me and that she was nothing without me and i even made a threat about going to her work and making a scene... .trust me i would NEVER do such thing, thats not who i am but for some reason i said all this but i won't deny that a lot of what i said is true

Why i said those things ? She knows why but i want to just keep her history private plus few days after the official breakup i started writing a mini journal with all the details about our journey.

Anyway after all that happened she called my house with her mother and started talking with my parents, they told them i was stalking her and all the things i did and also personal conversations i had with her, in the end like the first time she gave me the silent treatment i finally had the chance to talk to her, apologized and genuinely started crying because of everything and that i didn't meant to say any of those things etc.

She was calm at the end of the call and told me that she was late for work so agreed to txt me later when she came back home to talk more, she did and we started talking again the rest of the week and got together that sunday; we had a minor discussion but we end up having sex and making love (for me there is a difference), we also talked about us and our love... .she told me how much she loves and that i really hurt her with my words, i told her the same that i love her very much, that we were gonna work hard to endure and that we both need to time to work on our issues but our love and feelings were mutual or at least i though.

Anyway that was the last time i saw her, we continued talking until thursday and that was the last time i spoke to the women i once knew; i don't want to talk about our last conversation only that she was a bit distant and cold, was supposed to txt before going to work but that never happened.

I txt her that night without getting a reply so i just assumed she was tired and went to sleep right away, the next day i waited to heard something from her but nothing and on sunday i sent her another txt and gave her a call but it went straight to voice mail (i think she blocked my number).

I decided to give her some space and didn't heard from her for 7-8 days, something special was going to happend soon (at least for me) and i wanted to share that moment of happiness with her so i try to reach her and around 5 am on a friday she returned my call, to make the story short it turns out that she is living with another guy for a week now (at that moment), she moved in with him someone she barely knew (new job) and apparently they have life figured out and made plans   she mention everything that i said to her during the silent treatment among other things... he said some words and it seems he doesn't know the true story regarding why was i "bothering" her; what broke me the most but also let me to not shed a single tear was the fact she told him all about me including something that she was never supposed to talk to anybody, this was something like a bond between, trust, that not even being in each others life was supposed to be broken but hey it did and with someone that she barely knows.

Anyway i haven't spoke to her since that day, she was supposed to return some items but its been a few days and I'm starting to think that i should forget about it because of how everything ended.

My question is, why did she bother with that little reconciliation ? and trying to understand the sudden shift regarding our love and of course the whole moving in so fast with someone new that she barely knows  

I don't want her back in my life after knowing that she reveled that secret to this person, i don't think i even want her in my life as someone i once knew if that was possible  

Will she forget about me and i can expect to live my life without fear of she trying to contact me ? right now I'm scared to even go to some places and run into her, i remember how she told me about a previous ex that she went crazy every time she saw him.

Im not even mad about she leaving, back in mind i knew this was going to end and thats why i never married her, i though her BPD was under control all this years and that i was really helping her, she was pretty damn crazy and with a bad reputation around here before we started our relationship but i dont feel about writing about her.

The worst part for me is not the lost of a relationship more like how this friendship was broken, deep down part of me thinks that can be salvaged but i quickly remember her betrayal of her word and trust.

Ps. pardon my english   not my native language.

[AwakenedOne]

Hi Saintgrey,

Im not even mad about she leaving, back in mind i knew this was going to end and thats why i never married

You are wise. I married mine. I was wise to delay/refuse having a child with her though.

My question is, why did she bother with that little reconciliation ? and trying to understand the sudden shift regarding our love and of course the whole moving in so fast with someone new that she barely knows  

The best way I found to answer these type of unanswerable questions was to insert this as my answer -> "Because she is disordered"

Will she forget about me and i can expect to live my life without fear of she trying to contact me ? right now I'm scared to even go to some places and run into her, i remember how she told me about a previous ex that she went crazy every time she saw him.

It varies. Some never hear from an ex again, like in my case. Some are contacted. What do you mean she went crazy?

I don't want her back in my life after knowing that she reveled that secret to this person, i don't think i even want her in my life as someone i once knew if that was possible

I can relate. I caught my wife blabbing her mouth to her mom on private matters. The way I see it is if they giggle or gossip about me who cares, they are both messed up in the head.

Hang in there my friend.

AO

[saintgrey]

Hey AwakenedOne

I actually wanted to have kids with her, she was pregnant in 2 occasions but the first time she just called me and with a sad voice told me "hey... what you wanted, its happening... "   i was happy, she wasn't and it ended in abortion with nothing i could have done to change her mind, after that chapter in our life we become distant and thats when our first bu occurred with the silent treatment and ignoring me; almost a year later she was pregnant again and this time was different  we were both happy but sadly it was a High-Risk Pregnancie and our baby girl was born premature and died the next day  :'(

Yeah i guess there is no point in trying to understand her behavior but still we are "normal" human beings 

By crazy i mean that every time she saw this guy, supermarket, mall etc she will attack him verbally and i think even physically or just make a scene about it.

How everything ended i don't think i will ever heard from her plus the situation with her family was never good or at least that how she always made it out to be (her mother was always on her side our issues and she always ran to her so who knows what was true ), i remember lately when we were talking about moving together she told me that if we move forward her mother will not allow her to come back   i don't know if this was something she created because i doubt your own mother will do such thing but if thats what she believes i can see how she will try her best to keep this new relationship that finally moved her out of her mothers house and start the new life she always wanted.

The things she revealed are pretty big, I'm involve in illegal business (not drug related !) and she told this guy all about it and her mother so i can assume her new friends know too; i discovered that she is talking pretty bad about me but never mentions anything about her and her past she is the one was hurt but she doesn't say a single word about how she took advantage in the end (i won't hold her responsible for my codependency in our last years) and how she broke up a 5.5 year relationship and friendship.

Ive learned that this is something they do for "protection" so people don't ask to many questions i assume and don't pay attention to what really matters, i guess they know what people they can talk too and which ones will focus on her and not try to get the full story.

The thing is for me i have the triumph card, she proved everything i told her was true and what everyone around said about her ! thats what i will like to understand, how someone can be so stupid, in what world do you think this behavior would be accepted by the people that truly know you (she's surrounded with new people now, 1 old friend that barely knows what she's being doing the last few years).

I think it was a great idea to create this account and vent with people that really know what all this feels like

[AwakenedOne]

How everything ended i don't think i will ever heard from her plus the situation with her family was never good or at least that how she always made it out to be (her mother was always on her side our issues and she always ran to her so who knows what was true ), i remember lately when we were talking about moving together she told me that if we move forward her mother will not allow her to come back   i don't know if this was something she created because i doubt your own mother will do such thing but if thats what she believes i can see how she will try her best to keep this new relationship that finally moved her out of her mothers house and start the new life she always wanted.

She might be telling the truth about the mom. My disordered ex mother-in-law became jealous when I married her daughter. She lost her 24/7 BFF. She still got to see her daughter a lot, but that wasn't good enough for the mother or my wife it turned out. She actually guilt tripped my wife that we took too long of a honeymoon once we were back. That was the first time I got a sick feeling about the future of our marriage happiness. I believe the mom gave my wife the thumbs down signal on my fate and then I was tossed. Even though we were married she did whatever her mom wanted her to do and had extreme fears of displeasing the woman. Probably her mom viewed it as my ex was cheating on her with me.

[saintgrey]

She might be telling the truth about the mom. My disordered ex mother-in-law became jealous when I married her daughter. She lost her 24/7 BFF. She still got to see her daughter a lot, but that wasn't good enough for the mother or my wife it turned out. She actually guilt tripped my wife that we took too long of a honeymoon once we were back. That was the first time I got a sick feeling about the future of our marriage happiness. I believe the mom gave my wife the thumbs down signal on my fate and then I was tossed. Even though we were married she did whatever her mom wanted her to do and had extreme fears of displeasing the woman. Probably her mom viewed it as my ex was cheating on her with me.

Yeah i think its possible but i now for sure that her sister its the BFF of her mother, thinking about it its also possible that her mother like you said gave her the thumbs down on our relationship she did told me that she was asking her if she started talking to me again.

[saintgrey]

Well i saw her sister today and felt the need to tell her to help her sister, she didn't seem to care that much and told me they don't get a long for a while now, she has been trying to contact her but she never responds and they actually used to work at the same place but she recently found out that her sister quit and i can assume along with her new bf.

Its kind of sad because she told me that she loves her sister but at this point she wants to move on with her life and the mother i guess feels like she no longer have to deal with the BPD ex.