Any thoughts?

[peace28]

Ex cheated on me a month ago after 3 year relationship.  I was living with her at the time but moved out due to the affair.  8 days NC then she texts me saying I am better off without her.  She says there is so much darkness in her.  She says she can't stop thinking about me.  The last text said she still wanted me and that she still needed me.  Guessing she is trying to string me along.  Any thoughts?

[Infern0]

Ex cheated on me a month ago after 3 year relationship.  I was living with her at the time but moved out due to the affair.  8 days NC then she texts me saying I am better off without her.  She says there is so much darkness in her.  She says she can't stop thinking about me.  The last text said she still wanted me and that she still needed me.  Guessing she is trying to string me along.  Any thoughts?

Could be any number of reasons

1. She's being "honest" regrets what she did and is trying to make amends

2. She's trying to keep you around,  potentially as backup

3. The guy she cheated with scarpered and she's realised she has no supply.

4. She's trying to aleviate her guilt and shame.

Do you want anything to do with her or not?

[peace28]

She eroded my trust for her so no.  I believe trust is the foundation of any relationship.  Like so many others dealing with this, it is difficult to let go.  This happened out of nowhere.  Can you really believe anything they have to say is the truth? 

[Infern0]

She eroded my trust for her so no.  I believe trust is the foundation of any relationship.  Like so many others dealing with this, it is difficult to let go.  This happened out of nowhere.  Can you really believe anything they have to say is the truth?  

It's almost impossible to be sure of anything. They have a mental illness which means they can't even be honest with themselves let alone other people.

That said,  it's not impossible she regrets what she did but really the only way to find out would be to reengage her, talk about what happened,  see if she'd be willing to actually do something to fix it and make amends (not likely) at best you'll likely just get an apology and slightly better behaviour for a short time.

I've said it with my ex I mean she's aware she has BPD and she's aware that her actions hurt people,  she says sorry but if she really was she'd get therapy wouldn't she. She'd actually make an effort to change.

It's up to you but if you want to move on from her then you need to go no contact,  I.e block her number and move on.

Have a good think first,  often people at the stage you are at have trouble being honest with themselves,  mostly down to confusion and pain (rather like our BPD's themselves) so it's important to figure out what you really want and what's right for you.

[MrConfusedWithItAll]

This is going to be a difficult few months for you.  Unfortunately many of them have turned fabrication into an art form.  She has cheated with on you at least once that you know about.  She is texting you to keep you on the scene in case it does not work out with your replacement.  It is cowardly I know but it is just the way they roll.  Respect yourself and move on.

[NonAverageJoe]

Text her this:

I demand fidelity, honesty and respect from any partner that I am in a romantic relationship. If I do not receive that I no longer desire to be in that relationship. I might be willing to speak to you if you pursue therapy, sobriety, abstinence and solitude if you are willing to provide proof. Until such a time that you can do this I have no desire to communicate with you or have you in my life in any capacity.

[going places]

Ex cheated on me a month ago after 3 year relationship.  I was living with her at the time but moved out due to the affair.  8 days NC then she texts me saying I am better off without her.  She says there is so much darkness in her.  She says she can't stop thinking about me.  The last text said she still wanted me and that she still needed me.  Guessing she is trying to string me along.  Any thoughts?

3 year relationship.

Living together.

Sex with another man while in a 3 year relationship with you, living with you.

Meaning she came home, looked you in the eye after having sex with another man... .

Meaning she came home, sat on the couch, laid in the bed, showered in the shower, possibly had sex with you; AFTER HAVING SEX with another man.

Who cares what she is thinking.

SHE didn't care what you would think while she was with another man.

SHE didn't care if she contracted a disease and PASSED IT ALONG TO YOU.

SHE didn't care if it would break your heart that she was unfaithful to you.

SHE DIDN'T CARE... .and it shows; because she had sex with another man, while in a "committed" relationship w you!

So why should you care now?

Fool me once, shame on you.

Fool me twice? Shame on me / Thanks for the STD that never goes away / HIV-AIDS that can kill me, etc... .

The mask fell.

You now see who you are REALLY dealing with.

YOU WILL NEVER EVER fully trust again. It will ALWAYS be compromised.

Your choices from here on out are just that... .your choices.

Make sure you can live in peace with those choices.

[finallyfreedom]

The poster before me is 200% right.

Would you ever be able to take anything she says at "face value" and trust her?

I know I wouldn't be able to trust my exBPD. Eventually it would devolve into me being paranoid, snooping, making worst-case scenarios, etc because I would be unable to trust anything she would say without independent proof.

What about you?

[peace28]

Thank you all for the insights on this matter.  You have all no doubt experienced similiar situations and are wiser and stronger because of them.  I agree that the trust is gone.  It amazes me how long pwBPD can keep their mask on.  When it comes off, it is an utter shock to see what they are really about.  I will not play 2nd fiddle in her fantasy.  I am going to move on because I deserve better.