PTSD dx

[SickofMe]

My BF (who I suspected BPD) and have now gone to two EFT couples' therapy sessions and the therapist (who I've seen for years) says he has PTSD and has recommended we drop the couples' sessions for now (no real conflicts at present--just been discussing how our own attachment styles interact in conflict) and have him do individual EMDR with her.

I am really happy about this (for one, he loves her, which is encouraging) and I've been suggesting counseling to him for awhile now).

He had a long-term marriage with a woman with really strong NPD(BPD?) traits with whom he continues to co-parent.  Therapist said it is 100% possible to develop PTSD after 20 years with an abusive personality at play.

Has anyone else had this experience?  Has your SO been dx'd PTSD?  I have also had this dx, informally (trauma), with the same therapist... .however, in his case, she actually pronounced it.  She never used the DSM code but she did with him, yesterday.

He is sorta freaked out, even though he's jokingly referred to himself as a former POW.

Do you think it's possible to have a r/s with two traumatized people, if they are in treatment/recovery?  My T says YES, that we have an opportunity to heal some wounds and have a mutual r/s, something neither of us has experienced before.

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[Rapt Reader]

Do you think it's possible to have a r/s with two traumatized people, if they are in treatment/recovery?  My T says YES, that we have an opportunity to heal some wounds and have a mutual r/s, something neither of us has experienced before.

I would go with your Therapist's expertise on this, and have faith that things will get better. It sounds like you both are willing to figure this out, and get the help you need to understand the dynamics of your relationship and try to make it work. I think it's great that your boyfriend is willing to get the help being offered, and if he's serious about understanding where his troubles are coming from, there is lots of hope.

My adult (37) son was diagnosed with BPD in April 2013, and since then has been treated with DBT, and continues with his Out-Patient Therapist, his Psychiatrist and has been in Neurofeedback Therapy for the last 19 months. He understands why he's had the problems he had been having since he was around 12 years old, now, and is definitely in recovery and doing great! He is back to being the guy he was before he started going off the rails when he hit puberty... .There is hope when our loved ones realize they have a problem, want to get help for it, and then participate in that help 

[formflier]

 

Yes on the PTSD questions... .if you can "get it" from a long term r/s that is abusive. 

I've done some work to  get through some PTSD issues from military service.  My T noted that I had some similar reactions to issues in my r/s.  We worked through those as well.

Once I realized about "triggering" and other parts of the trauma response... .I think in my case it was very similar.

I think you should take your cues from the T.  Also think that you should ask what the T thinks you should do in order to best support the treatment. 

Finally... .if your SO is really emotional during treatment... .remember to not take it personally... .  Once "that stuff" starts coming out... .sometimes it can be hard to stop.  Sort of like uncorking something... . 

It will eventually all get out...

[SickofMe]

My adult (37) son was diagnosed with BPD in April 2013, and since then has been treated with DBT, and continues with his Out-Patient Therapist, his Psychiatrist and has been in Neurofeedback Therapy for the last 19 months. He understands why he's had the problems he had been having since he was around 12 years old, now, and is definitely in recovery and doing great! He is back to being the guy he was before he started going off the rails when he hit puberty... .There is hope when our loved ones realize they have a problem, want to get help for it, and then participate in that help  cool

I followed your link and read about your son's progress with awe... .I haven't talked about any of this, here, but I have an adult son (23) who could be your son's twin (hence my "little t trauma".  All I can say is--WOW--which doesn't seem to fully express my emotions while reading.  If it's okay, I'd like to msg you and find out what inpatient DD clinic your son went to that began the process.  Mine is a heroin addict (on methadone maintenance) with ADHD, anxiety/depression, BPD, tics, epilepsy--and his story is nearly identical to your son's.  Brilliant, "too sweet for this world," self-destructive/self-harming, the entire package.  Multiple hospitalizations for suicidal ideation, one 30-day inpatient for addiction, no success with sobriety.  Truly the most gawd-awful thing I have ever witnessed, experienced, participated in.  So helpless. 

Finally... .if your SO is really emotional during treatment... .remember to not take it personally... .  Once "that stuff" starts coming out... .sometimes it can be hard to stop.  Sort of like uncorking something... . 

It will eventually all get out...

My SO was completely gobsmacked by the insights he experienced in our last session (she used EMDR, but not the entire protocol).  He is still reeling from it, but not in a bad way.  He is worried that if I "see under the hood," I won't want to be with him. Nothing is further from the truth.  I was surprised he felt so vulnerable, because the things that he talked about were pretty "vanilla," but for him he felt quite exposed.  He keeps a lid on his feelings but is extremely moody, anxious, and prone to depressive meltdowns.  Avoids feeling anything--like the plague--just pushes away all the discomfort and/or the person who seems to be triggering it (me, often).  He said that he realizes he's put me in a bind where I'm not allowed to "protest" anything or he will withdraw with radio silence.  Huge realization for him. 

[formflier]

 

Think of it this way.

Your brain can only deal with a certain amount of trauma... ."bad stuff".  All the other stuff that is in there... that can't be dealt with is "pushed down"... .it's there... .but it doesn't come up in the form of bad memories.

So... as some of the bad memories get deal with and you "make room" in your brain... .other memories come up to "fill the void".  This process continues until all the bad stuff is out.

Think of it as "draining poison" out of your brain.


Obviously a non-clinical viewpoint... .but sometimes helpful. 

[MaybeSo]

Yes.  

In deed, most clinicians who work in the field of trauma see BPD as a type of complex PTSD. Complex b/c it started out in childhood along with some genetic loading and has layers and layers of stress and trauma reactions over the years that then “interact” with the social environment solidifying and exacerbating the original adaptations and symptoms. The bizarre behavior still looks and acts like PTSD biologically eg., the person’s amygdala see’s threat in things that are not factually dangerous (the look on someone’s face etc.) the same as with war-time PTSD (car horn mistaken for incoming bombs etc.).  Biologically, it has some very similar features.  I think of BPD as enduring “relational/social” PTSD that is homegrown eg., attachment trauma. So do many clinicians that work in trauma.   

And yes, you can have PTSD symptoms from a traumatic relationship experience. What an adult goes through in a long term emotionally abusive relationship who ends up with PTSD type symptoms, is similar to what a child goes through who might end up with BPD,  only the child typically has even less resources than an adult and no one to validate their experience.  In deed, a person with past childhood trauma (borderline or not)  is more likely to find themselves IN an abusive relationship, thus becoming re-traumatized.  Trauma has a tendency to repeat unless it gets addressed.

And yes, two people with PTSD can potentially heal, and help themselves and each other to heal.  It’s hard work, but yes, it can be done.

As just one example,  Stan Tatkin’s psychobiological approach to couples therapy (PACT) is designed to do just that. More and more is being discovered about ‘trauma’ and more trauma informed therapy is being created all the time.

Good luck to you!

[formflier]

As just one example,  Stan Tatkin’s psychobiological approach to couples therapy (PACT) is designed to do just that. More and more is being discovered about ‘trauma’ and more trauma informed therapy is being created all the time.

Do you have any experience with this kind of therapy... the PACT stuff.

I briefly looked at it... and it looks interesting.