Feelings Of Guilt

[Beware of Junk Psychology...]

Hi Everyone,

I went to T yesterday and my T told me I am carrying a lot of Guilt.With this I am self punishing myself and making myself sick over all of this.

I realized yesterday I took on a lot of my ExBPDgf guilt/blame she slung my way.I realized I started to believe I was the one that did all this.I started to believe I ''destroyed'' her life.It was a constant blaming NYMIKE.This sent me into a severe depression

It is obvious that I took so much of this and believed I am this terrible person.My T said I have to try and stop this self punishment.

She is an RN and used to come home with paperwork on me being Mentally Ill and all this other crap to read.She always told me I needed help.It was the craziest thing I seen and I believed her.

It was like she was being my T and pinning so much on me.She called me a Mental Case and many other things.In the end when I was DISCARDED and I believed all this stuff.Some days are hell for me because all her ''insults'' were carved in my head and I lost a lot of self esteem.

The truth is her life was destroyed long before me.I was trying to help her have a better life and straighten her life out.

Needless to say I am Painted Black and I am being crucified for everything.She is on the war path to destroy me,my life and my name.

Any ideas on how to relieve myself of this Guilt/Blame I carry.?... .Why do I carry so much of this burden.?

Why do I allow her so much power over my emotions.?.Why do I allow one woman so much power to invalidate me.?

Not sure if this made any sence.But I am beating myself up for this whole mess and this failed attempt at wanting to love her and take care of her.

[NYMike]

Hi Everyone,

I went to T yesterday and my T told me I am carrying a lot of Guilt.With this I am self punishing myself and making myself sick over all of this.

I realized yesterday I took on a lot of my ExBPDgf guilt/blame she slung my way.I realized I started to believe I was the one that did all this.I started to believe I ''destroyed'' her life.It was a constant blaming NYMIKE.This sent me into a severe depression

It is obvious that I took so much of this and believed I am this terrible person.My T said I have to try and stop this self punishment.

She is an RN and used to come home with paperwork on me being Mentally Ill and all this other crap to read.She always told me I needed help.It was the craziest thing I seen and I believed her.

It was like she was being my T and pinning so much on me.She called me a Mental Case and many other things.In the end when I was DISCARDED and I believed all this stuff.Some days are hell for me because all her ''insults'' were carved in my head and I lost a lot of self esteem.

The truth is her life was destroyed long before me.I was trying to help her have a better life and straighten her life out.

Needless to say I am Painted Black and I am being crucified for everything.She is on the war path to destroy me,my life and my name.

Any ideas on how to relieve myself of this Guilt/Blame I carry.?... .Why do I carry so much of this burden.?

Why do I allow her so much power over my emotions.?.Why do I allow one woman so much power to invalidate me.?

Not sure if this made any sence.But I am beating myself up for this whole mess and this failed attempt at wanting to love her and take care of her.

[MrConfusedWithItAll]

Were you perhaps always trying to please one or both of your parents?  Did you feel you never made the grade in their eyes?  I was never good enough - always doing something wrong.  Completely the opposite at school where I never got into trouble and got good grades.  At home I was the problem child - according to my parents.  Perhaps we need to start loving ourselves.  How could someone who loves and respects who they are ever get involved with a BPD?

[Seriously?]

Dear NYMike,

I feel for you. I really do. It sounds like your ex was able to manipulate you into thinking you are the one with the problem.  Those of us who are not all about our own need and actually care how our actions and words affect others, can be more easily manipulated in this way. Since you know you legitimately made mistakes and are willing to take responsibility for them, I would guess that is why your ex basically made you feel all the blame. It is very difficult (some would say impossible) for pwBPd to accept any responsibility.  The guilt and shame she would feel if she allowed it would be too much to bear. You, however,  appear to be a strong person.  I agree with you when you say it will improve you when you let it go. The reason I think it is so hard is because those of us without the disorder have a sense of fairness.  It feels like somebody has to take the blame. The other person involved refuses so we take it on ourselves. I hope you find your peace and a way to resolve the unfair ending. That is what I struggle with all the time. No closure that makes sense, no way to resolve my feelings,  and nothing to do but move on without real answers. Please be kind to yourself.  I am glad you have a professional helping you through this.

[NonAverageJoe]

It's not your fault Mike. You and I both dealt with some extreme BS. Mine was trying to play me hard and when I said no way she turned on me hard. I have no regrets the way things turned out were optional for clarity.

Try thinking about it that way.

[Trog]

Hi Mike,

I think many here have a similar story. We are people who will take criticism and blame and then do our best to improve. This is what attracted them to us in the first place and it's the crux they use to avoid any feelings of guilt and responsibility themselves. I've been physically struck, been told I'm to blame for miscarriages, been forced to read books on anger and made to feel guilty about basic wants and needs, it's typical behaviour. My particular case involves a woman who has actually been forcibly sectioned, society has, several times, doctors have, police have, told her she has a problem and yet somehow she has the ability to shake all that off her like a duck with water and still hang the blame on my door. They're experts at this and if you do anything to shatter their illusions you will pay for that too. These are people incapable of the kind of love we crave. It's sad, especially for those of us who have invested years in them. I hope you draw strength from the similar stories all over these boards, you are a good person and you absolutely should not shoulder the blame.