Feeling depressed

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

Tomorrow it will be 4 weeks since my ex left me, since then I just feel depressed and don't know how to get through the days. I went to get professional help, and I do everything she says. Writing stuff down, walk the dog, doing some small chores around the house (sorry if I wrote that wrong) Have a normal routine through the day etc etc.

But I just can't stop thinking about him, what is he doing and with whom. He is constant on my mind, and I want him out of my mind. Just don't know how anymore.

If I look in the mirror, I see a ghost. My eyes don't sparkle anymore, lost too much weight. And I feel so tired.

Am I expecting to much and to soon?

Please help  :'(

[Ayreana]

Tomorrow it will be 4 weeks since my ex left me, since then I just feel depressed and don't know how to get through the days. I went to get professional help, and I do everything she says. Writing stuff down, walk the dog, doing some small chores around the house (sorry if I wrote that wrong) Have a normal routine through the day etc etc.

But I just can't stop thinking about him, what is he doing and with whom. He is constant on my mind, and I want him out of my mind. Just don't know how anymore.

If I look in the mirror, I see a ghost. My eyes don't sparkle anymore, lost too much weight. And I feel so tired.

Am I expecting to much and to soon?

Please help  :'(

[Elpis]

It's such a process... .and you're moving forward! And that's the best thing you can expect on some days. YES it will continue to get better, 4 weeks is very little time when we're trying to separate ourselves from the craziness that was our relationship, they were very complicated things. Your brain takes time to get used to the changes, but by taking the steps you're taking, you are retraining your brain to react to life in a different way. It's just a time thing, and you're making great choices!

You'll get better as times goes on and your brain gets disentangled... .really you will. 

[Infern0]

Just to be straight up its going to take longer than 4 weeks.

Right now you need to batten down the hatches and just get through it. 

Gradually your depression will lift but for now just take one step at a time and avoid stupid decisions.

[CloseToFreedom]

Its been 4 weeks for me as well. My parents are getting frustrated with the fact that its taking me so long to get over it, and that I seem to get more depressed.

From my experience, in one of the previous break ups, I started to feel better after 2 months give or take. Of course, thats when she started the next recycle, but thats not going to happen this time.

We have to do it on our own. Its hard, but we'll get through it. I feel like a ghost as well, hell, I look like a ghost.

[Ayreana]

Its been 4 weeks for me as well. My parents are getting frustrated with the fact that its taking me so long to get over it, and that I seem to get more depressed.

From my experience, in one of the previous break ups, I started to feel better after 2 months give or take. Of course, thats when she started the next recycle, but thats not going to happen this time.

We have to do it on our own. Its hard, but we'll get through it. I feel like a ghost as well, hell, I look like a ghost.

Same here, I notice that my family is not calling as frequent as they did in the beginning. So I call them, if I need to talk. But they react the same as your parents. In their opnion I should move on from this, and get myself together, but that is easier said then done. Trust me, I try, with all that I have. But it is so damn hard.

I hang on to the words that everybody says, it will get better in time. That is my only hope right now. I feel like I never find somebody new, and that I will grow old alone. Stupid isn't it?

[CloseToFreedom]

Its been 4 weeks for me as well. My parents are getting frustrated with the fact that its taking me so long to get over it, and that I seem to get more depressed.

From my experience, in one of the previous break ups, I started to feel better after 2 months give or take. Of course, thats when she started the next recycle, but thats not going to happen this time.

We have to do it on our own. Its hard, but we'll get through it. I feel like a ghost as well, hell, I look like a ghost.

Same here, I notice that my family is not calling as frequent as they did in the beginning. So I call them, if I need to talk. But they react the same as your parents. In their opnion I should move on from this, and get myself together, but that is easier said then done. Trust me, I try, with all that I have. But it is so damn hard.

I hang on to the words that everybody says, it will get better in time. That is my only hope right now. I feel like I never find somebody new, and that I will grow old alone. Stupid isn't it?

I have the same thing. You have to try and remember we were trained in thinking this. We were brainwashed by our partners and also by ourselves, by believing this was the one. We've spend all these years making her/him happy, we started living our lives IN theirs. Of course its difficult to go cold turkey from that.

But I mean, I can talk and talk, but my mind goes in so much dark places, so while it may seem I have it easy, I have it anything but easy. im in agonizing pain. And no one has the power to get rid of that except for ourselves. And we will, in time. How much time, thats the question.

[Whitebread]

I think what you're feeling is perfectly normal... .4weeks out myself, and even though I left him, I'm still on auto-pilot, going through the motions of everyday tasks.  But the important thing is to do them, even when you don't feel like it.

I like the analogy Elpis used, we are retraining our brains after the relationship with them.  We are learning how to be ourselves again, independent of our former partners.

Try to be patient with yourself, gentle with yourself and trust that the bad days will be replaced with better ones in the coming weeks.

You, we, are grieving the death of very powerful relationships, and just like other times we've grieved over loss, it will get better.  The amount of time it takes is what it takes... .

Sending healing thoughts your way.   

[Deeno02]

4 and some change months for me and Im still dicked up. Getting better, but man its rough.

[downwhim]

4 weeks is not a long time to expect to heal from a dysfunctional relationship. Be kind to yourself.

Continue w your T. Do whatever feels best to you, massage, long walk, work out, time with friends. Let me tell you though, friends and family have no idea what we have been through! They do not get the power of the loss after dealing with a BPD. So, stay online here and let others who have been through the same help you through this time.

[Elpis]

When my sister died a couple of years ago I realized how different it was to go through "clean grief" from a good relationship than it was to go through the "dirty grief" of a deeply troubled and enmeshed relationship like that of the death of my mother.

With our BPDs the r/s was so convoluted, and so entangled and enmeshed that it's "dirty grief" and isn't so simple to just jump up and heal from. But we will, we all will. It's a process.

Elpis

[Tibbles]

It takes a long time. Hang in there it is worth it. I liked something I saw some one else post, it went roughly like this:

Time does not heal wounds. hard work and effort and examining yourself and growth heal wounds.

I thought that was great. Healing from one of these relationships is a rough hard road. It does get better with time and lots of effort on our behalf. Be kind to yourself and post here. Friends and family don't get it and get frustrated with our struggles. This site is wonderful. 4 weeks is the start of a long journey.

[Deeno02]

When my sister died a couple of years ago I realized how different it was to go through "clean grief" from a good relationship than it was to go through the "dirty grief" of a deeply troubled and enmeshed relationship like that of the death of my mother.

With our BPDs the r/s was so convoluted, and so entangled and enmeshed that it's "dirty grief" and isn't so simple to just jump up and heal from. But we will, we all will. It's a process.

[/quote

Thanks DF. Needed that.Hard time today with it all. Why dont I exist anymore to her? Why she moved on so fast, why does she get happiness,I get therapy. It's taking its toll every now and again.Badly.

[HappyNihilist]

Ayreana, I'm sorry you're feeling down.   

I'm glad you have a T you trust, and you're making great progress.  Don't get discouraged... .and don't put pressure on yourself to heal at a certain rate. I know it feels invalidating when people in our lives don't understand. Unless someone has been in a toxic relationship, it can be difficult for them to relate.

I'm 9 months out, and I still have the occasional bad moment or even day, but mostly I feel really good about myself and life. I was still absolutely shattered a few weeks out. Such emotional pain and turmoil. Almost every waking thought was of my exbf, and even my dreams were hijacked by him. A little over a month out, I had a personal awakening that really put things into perspective and gave me a lot of peace and freedom. Since then, I feel so much more in touch with myself, who I really am, and what I need. In retrospect, I'm very grateful that I broke so hard.

But I still struggled. I had a hellish depressive episode this summer, the worst I've ever had, and believe me, there were some very dark moments there. I leaned a lot on good friends and "escaped" somewhat in my work. I reminded myself, and others reminded me, that those feelings weren't permanent, horrible as they were.

When my sister died a couple of years ago I realized how different it was to go through "clean grief" from a good relationship than it was to go through the "dirty grief" of a deeply troubled and enmeshed relationship like that of the death of my mother.

With our BPDs the r/s was so convoluted, and so entangled and enmeshed that it's "dirty grief" and isn't so simple to just jump up and heal from. But we will, we all will. It's a process.

This is absolutely beautiful, Elpis, and so true.

We grieve the end of all relationships. The overall process is the same for healing, but the details differ. Relationships that caused and/or re-opened deep soul wounds are not easy to heal from.

[Ayreana]

This morning I woke up, completely covered in sweat. I was totally in panic, I tried some excersises My councelor gave me, they didn't work. It is So frustrating that I am this way and my ex probably didn't even lose a wink of sleep. And me, I have medication to help me sleep. I probably slept 6 hours. So I am allready tired, and the day hasn't even started.

I know i should do things that comfort me, but at This time I can 't think of anything.

Did anyone else experience these kind of panic feelings?

I have professional help, but she has 2 weeks vacation due to the hollidays. I have a appointment next week. So I have to struggle through the coming week.

Thanks for all the kind reactions, good to know that what I am feeling is normal.

Big bugs to you all

[Elpis]

When my sister died a couple of years ago I realized how different it was to go through "clean grief" from a good relationship than it was to go through the "dirty grief" of a deeply troubled and enmeshed relationship like that of the death of my mother.

With our BPDs the r/s was so convoluted, and so entangled and enmeshed that it's "dirty grief" and isn't so simple to just jump up and heal from. But we will, we all will. It's a process.

Thanks DF. Needed that.Hard time today with it all. Why dont I exist anymore to her? Why she moved on so fast, why does she get happiness,I get therapy. It's taking its toll every now and again.Badly.

Deeno, sorry to hear today was a tough one... .and she doesn't get long term happiness, really, but you're getting long term change in the best ways possible! It's just hard to remember that some days.

This morning I woke up, completely covered in sweat. I was totally in panic, I tried some excersises My councelor gave me, they didn't work. It is So frustrating that I am this way and my ex probably didn't even lose a wink of sleep. And me, I have medication to help me sleep. I probably slept 6 hours. So I am allready tired, and the day hasn't even started.

I know i should do things that comfort me, but at This time I can 't think of anything.

Did anyone else experience these kind of panic feelings?

I have professional help, but she has 2 weeks vacation due to the hollidays. I have a appointment next week. So I have to struggle through the coming week.

Thanks for all the kind reactions, good to know that what I am feeling is normal.

Big bugs to you all

Yes, I still occasionally have some panic--even if you just take a nice hot shower it helps very often. My psychiatrist prescribed me Neurontin, and those help me in a gentle way and aren't habit-forming. And there have definitely been days I've needed them! Plus I use them for sleep and they've really helped. The generic name is Gabapentin, I believe.

Sometimes I talk to myself like i'm a mom to myself, and remind me of the things that are true about me and how strong I actually am, etc. Other times I eat chocolate!

[Tibbles]

When I first left I got really bad panic attacks. A counsellor told me if I can't break them - hold a block of ice in my hand. The pain of the cold makes your brain focus on that and nothing else. The ice melts naturally and you don't damage yourself in the process. Gives you a break from the attack and then the others methods can have a chance to work. It worked for me.