Something is always breaking

[workinprogress]

I know in life that appliances break, cars stop running and so forth.  But, does this stuff seem to be multiplied by your partner?

This morning, her van wouldn't start.  She left a charger plugged in over night.

This happens quite often, so she ends up taking my car.  Which I don't mind, but I am left recharging her van and being forced to use it and it never has gas in it.

There has just seemed to be endless items that she uses breaking.  Mostly from her using them incorrectly.  Then she complains about money when the items need replaced.

Is this common?

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[maxsterling]

Can't say whether it is common to BPD or not because each pwBPD is different, but I can tell you I have experienced similar.  Part of it may just be my perception, though and her inability to take care of things on her own.  That means, there are my things that break plus her things that break which fall under the responsibility of me to fix or replace.  Add her tendency to always have something to complain about, and it makes me feel like there is an endless list of things to do or need fixing.  The constant complaining and inability to meet their own needs are common with BPD, but I don't see where she is doing anything to cause things to break at a faster rate. 

[jedimaster]

Taking care of things that break and caring for things properly so they don't break in the first place both require a certain amount of self-confidence-- feeling that one is capable of diagnosing and fixing things and can deal with the unexpected.  These are qualities in short supply in pwBPD, at least in my pwBPD.  So I would not be surprised to find it's pretty common that pwBPD have a lot of stuff that breaks, often.

Also if they have some NPD tendencies, they may act like they always know the best way to handle things, whether or not it actually is, in order to cover for their insecurity and to avoid admitting they might need some advice.  

I can't speak for everybody, but I know these traits add up to a lot of stuff to fix around the Jedi house.  I feel for ya, Max.

[Cat Familiar]

WOW! My husband is always breaking stuff, or not taking care of things properly. Then I have to fix things he's broken. Things break often enough anyway and when they do, he gets so angry, as if it's a personal attack that a pipe broke in the meadow.

I realize a lot of his emotionality is due to the fact that he doesn't know how to fix things. I've tried to teach him, but I see an impatience and a hurried attitude, which are not helpful when dealing with the material world of hardware, plumbing and electrical. And it's invalidating as a man to have his wife try to teach him "guy stuff." So I take care of it myself if it's within my abilities and hire a professional if it's not.

It's really funny when I do hire a professional and they meet with us. At first, I'm "little lady-ed" as if I'm ignorant of the problem. Soon, because I know the vocabulary and understand how things work, they're talking to me, not him. This has got to be really invalidating to him, an Ivy League graduate, who has always felt like the smartest person in the room, but he asks them such dumb questions.

Another thing he does is to constantly lose or misplace things. Nearly every day he asks if I've seen something, which usually is in plain sight in his disheveled studio. He doesn't dust and the dust bunnies are big as mice and he keeps acquiring stuff, but seldom organizes it or puts things away, until it gets really bad and then he does a furious cleaning and discarding process, which he's in the midst of today. And often he throws away something important because he's in a hurry. There's that narcissistic tendency--that "I'm too important to be wasting my time doing this insignificant task."

[enlighten me]

Yes yes and yes. Washing machines, gates, cars you name it my exs broke it. My ex wifes favourite was vacuum cleaners. I would have to get a new one each year. Her mum banned her from vacuuming at hers as she knocked a skirting board off.

Never their fault though. Always bad workmanship or poor design or me getting the blame.

I think its down to a number of things. Firstly they just dont care about stuff so dont look after it. Secondly they have anger issues and take it out on things. Thirdly they dont know how to look after or use things but wont ask as they dont want to look stupid.

[Cat Familiar]

And wine glasses--I've never seen anyone break so many wine glasses. Of course there is another reason for this... .

[ColdEthyl]

Things are always getting broken/lost, and when my dBPDh goes to fix something, I'd rather do it myself than to hear the huffing, puffing, and colorful new language he comes up with with he tries to fix things.

When things get lost IE his wallet that leaves all over the place... .it's always someone else moved it on him, or my take on it is that magical goblins and fairies come into our bedroom at night and their sole purpose for existing is to f*** with my husband, because certainly it wasn't HIM. 

[waverider]

2 reasons

Lack of  proactive action , ie maintenance. Their mind is too wrapped up in their immediate needs and impulses. Responsibilty and obligations are down the list. So they live a reactive life style

eg mob phone is not routinely charged each day, its just used until it goes flat. The phone is blamed for always going flat. No oil in the car, refilled only when it is almost empty. Stuff is left lying around until someone stands on it, or knocks it over.

'Catastrophizing", ="Its busted", "it can't be fixed', "I need a new one", minor problems are not dealt with they are just declared hopeless and palmed off to someone else.

[Cat Familiar]

When things get lost IE his wallet that leaves all over the place... .it's always someone else moved it on him, or my take on it is that magical goblins and fairies come into our bedroom at night and their sole purpose for existing is to f*** with my husband, because certainly it wasn't HIM. 

Yes, I know this one. And it's always an emergency when his checkbook goes missing. Fortunately when we built the house, I had the foresight to decide that he needed his own studio to live in. If we shared the house, other than the kitchen and living room, I know I would be blamed for all sorts of things magically disappearing.

[Cat Familiar]

2 reasons

Lack of  proactive action , ie maintenance. Their mind is too wrapped up in their immediate needs and impulses. Responsibilty and obligations are down the list. So they live a reactive life style

eg mob phone is not routinely charged each day, its just used until it goes flat. The phone is blamed for always going flat. No oil in the car, refilled only when it is almost empty. Stuff is left lying around until someone stands on it, or knocks it over.

'Catastrophizing", ="Its busted", "it can't be fixed', "I need a new one", minor problems are not dealt with they are just declared hopeless and palmed off to someone else.

This is a great way of describing the conundrum. My husband blew up his sister's car when we were visiting and she loaned it to him, with the admonition to check the oil level, which of course, he never did. Then he was mad at her because she blamed him!

[Mie]

 

Mine is obsessed by taking care of the car, appliances, tools etc. However, when someting goes wrong it's a disaster, and someone else to blame.

Once we had an accident and a car went to the river. It was pulled out, and I called a friend of mine who is a car expert. He gave very good instructions what to immediately to save the critical parts. But my SO froze and refused to do anything. He repeated: I don't know what to do, this is a disaster. And started drinking.

He normally takes care of his belongings but when something goes missing it's again a disaster.

I'm trying to keep places in order while he puts things anywhere, and when I'm not cleaning after him he blames me for being dirty and liking mess. Occasionally (rarely) he cleans making a lot of noise and cursing. Once he said to me :'I even put new toilet paper roll there. It's not my job you know'.

So, there is no middle way.

[ColdEthyl]

When things get lost IE his wallet that leaves all over the place... .it's always someone else moved it on him, or my take on it is that magical goblins and fairies come into our bedroom at night and their sole purpose for existing is to f*** with my husband, because certainly it wasn't HIM. 

Yes, I know this one. And it's always an emergency when his checkbook goes missing. Fortunately when we built the house, I had the foresight to decide that he needed his own studio to live in. If we shared the house, other than the kitchen and living room, I know I would be blamed for all sorts of things magically disappearing.

My husband's go-to person for blame is my brother. I realize now when we were dating and spoke about his ex and her son who 'had it out for him', that he always has to have some sort of dartboard.