Can you describe some of the times when you have "seen a difference" now that you are using tools?
There was an incident recently when he started with "No one cares about me, you don't care, I have no friends, etc." He typically gets really involved with this type of diatribe and becomes extremely upset and angry.
In the past I would have argued with him that yes, I do love him, on and on and he would get more agitated, more angry.
This time I merely said something to the effect of "I'd be sad too if I felt that way," trying to use SET, which I'm not good at--yet, but I'm trying.
He responded, "It's all about
you!" to which I felt like laughing (but didn't). At least this time I had an overview of the dynamic that he sets up. So I said nothing and he eventually wound down.