why am i so drawn to bordeline women?

[borderdude]

You heard the man , anyone know some main reasons ?

[GeekyGirl]

Good question, borderdude. Sometimes to understand why we do what we do, we need to do some soul-searching. What traits do your partners (current and past) have in common?

I've heard that we generally are attracted to a "type" or seek out partners that exhibit traits that we've seen in others, because we're familiar with them. What do you think?

[borderdude]

My mother was a bipolar, and often violent , shiftet from raging to silent in seconds, ... .but no borderline as far as i could tell,  I guess the BPD women are good at sucking in nice guys , witch they believe will care for them , and often women think i am a nice , but they are not correct, he, he.

[Turkish]

Being triggered in seconds isn't typical of bi-polar,.as the periods of lows and highs are much longer. My uBPDx could switch in under a minute. My BPD mom (25 years out of her house she finally admitted this to me) could switch quickly, though she also is diagnosed with depression, which lasts longer, and muddles things; months of dysregulation, with SAD thrown into the mix.

BPD can be mis-diagnosed as BP. Have you seen this?

What is the relationship between BPD and bipolar disorder

I remember my mom was driving me to second grade class. I was 7. I don't quite remember if she was angry with me that morning or not. She reached to switch gears,.and this was over halfway to school, so she'd made several gear changes already. Apparently, I flinched. She back handed me hard enough that my head hit the window. I said, "what the hell?" No, I was 7. I said, "why did you hit me?" She replied angrily,."if you act like you're going to get hit, you will be!"

She obviously dissociated, as rage is a form of dissociation. That's not bi-polar, that's BPD.

I'be always been attracted to "troubled" women,.and even a few men, the latter not sexually. Growing up in such a home, borderdude, the familiar may seem like reality... we know what we know (unheathly dynamics), and we don't know what we don't know. The question is, where do you go from here? What do you do?

[charred]

Couple things... first, borderline relationships start out with you being idolized and love bombed, which is pretty easy to go for, same thing for porn star sex.

At a deeper level... babies take what they grow up with... what they see between their parents, as love. They look for and respond to the same kind of dynamics in a partner, that they saw. Basically they seek to make a cookie cutter r/s like their parents.

Freud was astute, and truly understood how some of this stuff works.

I didn't want to believe it, and didn't the first 50 yrs of my life. My pwBPD... was as different from my mother as you could get, she was passionate, emotional, intense. What I didn't understand is that my mother was waif BPD, and my queen BPD gf... .was still pretty much the same toxic PD.

So, if you are drawn to them, you might not want to dig deeper. My digging led me to figure out my mother is BPD, and to realize that it takes 2 people to relate in an r/s... .and seldom is one seriously disordered... .and the other "just fine". In reality most the time both have an equivalent, though often different pile of issues. My father was malignant/nasty NPD, mother waif BPD... my gf queen BPD... and I was "just fine" and "in denial"... of any issues for some time. I had tests, saw a T, and was sure of what I wasn't... which was BPD or NPD. Knew I had some minor quirks, but thought they were nothing, giving my upbringing. But eventually my digging finally hit pay dirt and I figured out what the name for my issue(s) was... SPD... .something I hadn't heard of. NPD/BPD/SPD... even other PD's are all attachment disorders. If you are drawn to BPD women, and they are drawn to you... .something attachment related probably isn't quite right. The entire r/s with a pwBPD is ego driven, and the more in to it you are the more denial there is.

I wish understanding it all helped a lot, it certainly took a lot of effort, but it oddly doesn't help. I still miss my pwBPD, avoid her like the plague and know she is toxic for me. When I feel big sparks for someone new, I can be 99% certain I need to run not walk away from them. I feel cursed.

But that is just me... .maybe you are much luckier than I am.

[borderdude]

My mother


- a little detail could cause a big rage, but often be over in a minute.

- she projected her hate for my father onto her children.

Shorter often violent relationships, found the worst guis.

Had migrena , a kind of head ace sickness.

Abused pills , and was abusing drugs in her teens.

Suiside attempts


Violent against her children, was good in creating a nice surface , by portraying herself as a good mother.


There is something called, bipolar level 2, wich swings in a much faster phase, and i have heard bipolar level 2 mentioned.

If i am correct, should not arrested development be a central thing in BPD?, to me, much of the symptoms seems to naturally be caused down the chain by this.

I have never heard my mother speak at an advanced level, she always seemed simple minded, created scenes, manipulative.

I do miss my BPD ex, but as a caretaker, or like on of your children, what is she up to now?, but having a normal rs with her, forget it.

I

[borderdude]

I was very weak for her love bombing, since I was alone , without family, in a weak position, I do easily isolate myself.

She was not even pretty, had 4 children, uneducated, ... .she was all the things I was not, but her love bombing, radiating sexuality, always grining, and the fact she copied my expressions like she she was copying me personality, just captured me, and I got hooked.

Still, I decided of pure will power, that I shall not progress with this noncense, but grow up.

[CBoo]

They burn bright!

I have an uBPD father. His best friend-worst enemy shift is remarkable. For little CBoo it was intoxicating and more real than anything else! It was quite a tumble when I realised what was happening.

I went through years of being attracted to people who had similar and obviously 'remarkable' qualities, but it was all hot air and can't sustain a relationship over the long-term.

I realises this in therapy, and two months later met my partner. She's still remarkable, but in a quiet, and, crucially, consistent way.

Moths and flames?