I had a fight with my replacement

[Infern0]

So he was my replacement then I was his,  then she vanished on both of us I guess.

Anyway I was out with some friends of mine and lo and behold who walks in but drug boy flanked by tattooed ape roids guy and cap wearing mongoloid guy.

He tells me in an agressive tone that he needs to talk to me. I told him that we have nothing to discuss and he's better off leaving it alone. My buddies told me they had my back and were going to call more of our friends to come to town but I said no let's just leave.

He ends up following us to this other bar and we just ignore them but later we were dancing and tattooed roids guy shoulder barges me so I just started swinging at him and all I remember was he fell over i think one of my friends hit him in the back of tge head and then I just saw red and had the replacement by the scruff of the neck and hit him a few times.

Bouncer pulled me off and told me that these guys are always getting in fights and he's never actually seen them win one .

Anyway I woke up this morning with a headache and a scratch on my cheek.  Apparently my replacement checked himself into hospital and he's posting up on Instagram pictures claiming he was innocent and was assaulted and there's no justice in the world. and I must have got some good shots in because he's got two black eyes and stitches in his mouth.

Bpdex has been texting me asking to talk and actually thanking me for "getting rid of him" I just said I don't even know what happened and I don't want to talk.

Will update

[Heldfast]

Please do. Must have felt good. At same time, create an incident log, date, time, witnesses, location, recollection. If the sob ever tries anything legally, you'll be ready.

[BorisAcusio]

Are you sure that you couldn't avoid getting yourself into that situation?

I meant more in a what would you say in a vent to them?  I have no intention of contacting her - she will get her karma for taking him!

Honestly if I ever encounter my replacement I will be calling him out to fight him, I know it may sound immature but he disrespected me as a man by knowingly moving in on my girlfriend when she was in a commited relationship. I do not forgive, or forget, and if I get an opportunity we will settle things the old fashioned way.

I have seen him twice but both times I was at work. If I see him in my private time, i'll be challenging his manhood.

[downwhim]

Wow, you got to do what many of us fantasize about! Just because I am a woman does not mean I would not like to rip the hair of my exh's s... .t that tore up our marriage. She would sue me and win though and I would be worse off.

Be careful. You never know what Mr. Drug Addict will do... .Isn't it interesting that your exBPD called you to say thank you... .it is all about her and her drama.

[BorisAcusio]

Wow, you got to do what many of us fantasize about! Just because I am a woman does not mean I would not like to rip the hair of my exh's s... .t that tore up our marriage. She would sue me and win though and I would be worse off.

Be careful. You never know what Mr. Drug Addict will do... .Isn't it interesting that your exBPD called you to say thank you... .it is all about her and her drama.

Anger rumination won't help us in the long term. Without your ex husband actively pursuing her, the marriage would be still intact. None of us know what has been told to them, most of them just got caught up in the unhealthy dynamics just like us, and after all, we were all replacements at one point.

[fromheeltoheal]

Inferno:

Bpdex has been texting me asking to talk and actually thanking me for "getting rid of him" I just said I don't even know what happened and I don't want to talk.

downwhim:

Be careful. You never know what Mr. Drug Addict will do... .Isn't it interesting that your exBPD called you to say thank you... .it is all about her and her drama.

And be careful.  She can interpret the fact that the two of you got into it as being over her, which it kinda was, although I understand that kind of fight is between men and really has nothing to do with her.  Anyway, it would be easy for her to conclude that an attachment is still in place with both of you, which makes her feel really good, you've given her feedback she likes, and she may take the opportunity to test it further.

[Maternus]

Bpdex has been texting me asking to talk and actually thanking me for "getting rid of him" I just said I don't even know what happened and I don't want to talk.

I wouldn't be surprised if she wrote something similar to the other guy.

[raisins3142]

I've heard that many BPDs are attracted to violence.  So, I wouldn't be surprised if she got all tingling thinking about you whipping up on someone.  And to have it somewhat related to her in her mind!  Clutch the pearls, that's BPD heaven maybe.

My uBPDexgf was super obsessed with men in violent tv shows/movies, idolized her sociopathic brother that joined the military I think to legally kill people, and would be violent in the sack and want that back.  She also did things or put herself in situations where I might have to fight (hitting on guys right in front of me and getting me upset at both of them, etc).

Bad news bears.

When you are angry, I know that what you did is kind of rewarding, however.

[sun seeker]

 Good for you inferno

Glad to see there are other fighters here. Feels dam good to get that out. I  am a15 yr  trained fighter I spend three hours a day in the gym,  and i did some serious damage to my replacement. ( provoked by replacement) this guy is toothpic scrawny.

 

I was pumping gas and my replacement came up behind me and hit me in the back of the head with a glass arizona ice tea bottle, (i dont know this guy never met him) it didnt break . It didnt hurt untll an hour later . I turned around and swung I broke his jaw in two places . I had lump on my head. And there she was in  his car. The cops.came and talk to the  witnesses(  self defense. ) and he caught the assault with a deadly weapon charge.  YOU WANNA BE DUMB YOU BETTER BE TUFF!

 I cant imagine what she said to get him to do that.  

P.s.

She didnt even get out of the car to care for him... I yelled I hope this validates  you , she just stared at the car floor. The whole time.

[once removed]

Anger rumination won't help us in the long term.

[Heldfast]

Sun seeker, thank you

[downwhim]

WOW! Clutch the pearls is one of the funniest lines I have ever heard. Still laughing

Sun seeker, we all know it is not polite to fight but Jesus, he comes up and hits you with a glass bottle? What an idiot! He got what he deserved and I am not one for promoting or prompting a fight. Nuts, they are... .She wanted the drama.

My ex liked to think of himself as the toughest man around. He wore his USMC shirts everywhere and everyone thanked him for his service. He went because his Dad kicked him out of the house and he fought it every step of the way. He hated his dad for forcing him to go but today... .he wears those shirts proudly. You would think he fought in every war (NONE). He wore his shirts like a kid wears their college shirts as he wanted attention and to let everyone know he was a tough son of a b@@@h. I told him that when we broke up. He played this role like, I pack a gun, I am a Marine, don't mess with me. He wanted to break my ex husbands legs just for being alive. No kidding.

Yes, I believe some BPD's get off on violence. My ex watched every violent movie made. His mentor is John Wayne. He has pictures of him all over his house. Why was I with him again?

[HappyNihilist]

My exBPDbf liked to settle things with violence. He would start fights with men for looking at me. I'm personally not a fan of violence as any sort of productive solution to any problem. The best thing that can be said about it is that it can be cathartic in the moment.

Anger rumination won't help us in the long term.

None of us know what has been told to them, most of them just got caught up in the unhealthy dynamics just like us, and after all, we were all replacements at one point.

^ This is so important. Thank you.

When people are caught up in unhealthy relationship dynamics and triangulations, especially with BPD involved, then it's a guarantee that a web of untruths has been spun.

If I recall correctly, Infern0, did you not sleep with your exgf while she was in a relationship with your replacement? From his perspective, he could have a "legitimate beef" with you, as well.

[once removed]

"When people are caught up in unhealthy relationship dynamics and triangulations, especially with BPD involved, then it's a guarantee that a web of untruths has been spun."

triangulation is pretty key here. i hate to engage in black and white thinking but id wager to say literally never in human existence has triangulation played a positive role.

[raisins3142]

Anger rumination won't help us in the long term.

Key phrase is "in the long term".  But we do/think some things now and then change over time for the long term.  We should not necessarily plan for the long term explicitly and exactly at time 0 or any either arbitrary time.  Having said that, I see what you are getting at.

[raisins3142]

deleted post

[Infern0]

Are you sure that you couldn't avoid getting yourself into that situation?

I meant more in a what would you say in a vent to them?  I have no intention of contacting her - she will get her karma for taking him!

Honestly if I ever encounter my replacement I will be calling him out to fight him, I know it may sound immature but he disrespected me as a man by knowingly moving in on my girlfriend when she was in a commited relationship. I do not forgive, or forget, and if I get an opportunity we will settle things the old fashioned way.

I have seen him twice but both times I was at work. If I see him in my private time, i'll be challenging his manhood.

I wrote that original post at a time I was very angry with my replacement.  I did get over it and after she broke up with him and came back to my side I didn't have any animosity left and truth be told could understand what he was going through.  To be honest I didn't really take any sadistic pleasure in the act but the thing is I knew if I didn't send a strong message then this fued would go on and on. It needed sorting and it got sorted.

BPD is now trying to say that she didn't abandon me and that the guy I thought she replaced me with is a  "family friend " and that she had just gone quiet because of depression etc. And she wants to go out.

I just got in from work which was havoc today and my brain is fried from all this.

[Infern0]

And yes I am aware that word of my pugulistic conquest traveled fast and I've been getting "mad props" for knocking out a drug dealer which has likely spiked her attraction for me.

[Infern0]

Good for you inferno

Glad to see there are other fighters here. Feels dam good to get that out. I  am a15 yr  trained fighter I spend three hours a day in the gym,  and i did some serious damage to my replacement. ( provoked by replacement) this guy is toothpic scrawny.

 

I was pumping gas and my replacement came up behind me and hit me in the back of the head with a glass arizona ice tea bottle, (i dont know this guy never met him) it didnt break . It didnt hurt untll an hour later . I turned around and swung I broke his jaw in two places . I had lump on my head. And there she was in  his car. The cops.came and talk to the  witnesses(  self defense. ) and he caught the assault with a deadly weapon charge.  YOU WANNA BE DUMB YOU BETTER BE TUFF!

 I cant imagine what she said to get him to do that.  

P.s.

She didnt even get out of the car to care for him... I yelled I hope this validates  you , she just stared at the car floor. The whole time.

7 years of boxing here,  though stopped a few years back but against a drug dealer who throws haymakers from his knees with his chin in the air it was easy pickings.

I've seen a few trained fighters on here,  I think the "warrior/hero" mentality draws BPD's in but usually we are very gentlemanly and overcompensate when it comes to conflict with women. It's interesting,  I could kill my BPD with one punch but I'd never ever be able to come out on top in an argument with the little devil

[Blimblam]

"When people are caught up in unhealthy relationship dynamics and triangulations, especially with BPD involved, then it's a guarantee that a web of untruths has been spun."

triangulation is pretty key here. i hate to engage in black and white thinking but id wager to say literally never in human existence has triangulation played a positive role.

It's ok to get angry.  The act of splitting to create the space to feel anger is a normal part of grieving but we can easily get stuck in it if it.

Also sometimes triangles can be healthy, for instance when there is a therapist or marriage councilor.  Triangles occur all the time but it is context specific.  When I first arrived on the boards I held "triangulation," in a very negative and specific context because I was splittong my ex as well and use complex concepts like catch phrases to support my confirmation bias was useful and it was enabled.

I think what happens is we become aware of these sorts of patterns in a pwBPD specific context durring a really vulnerable painful stage in out life's so we feel the need to grab onto something anything to make sense of it but we ourselves arent thinking clearly being in such a compromised state to kind of apply it to the bigger picture at least right away.