Just need to rant

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

So many whys right now, I don't miss her I miss the way i felt when i was with her, i was so motivated so driven and so on the ball, and this co dependency feeling has really been kicking my ass ever since i posted saying she is BPD if anything.  The girl has no family, and I get it, I get why they get triggered and run, but all i picture is a scared little girl who nobody understands, yeah she has a bf, but I dont see him as a BF i see him more as a convenience to her.

Why do I still look on her FB, is it because im blocked?

Why has she not posted a single picture of her and her bf in 4 months, not one profile picture of them, nor is their any on his either.  Me and the ex always had pictures together from the very start.

During the push/pull period I had already been dumped, but proceeded to tell her i know your playing mind games, im done, what would have happened if i had let the games carry on? would she have dropped me as soon as she had the replacement (blocked me anyway) or would she be playing 2 guys at the same time?

She set her Facebook profile to private the day after i set mine to private... .coincidence?  

She commented on a mutual friends status, which i cant read because im blocked, he replied saying something like how was your New Years? and she didnt reply, (over thinking) but im guessing she didnt want to talk about what shes been up to because she probably knew his replies would appear on my wall

Yes it all sounds pathetic, and I agree but my head feels fried right now, whats worse the push/pull I constantly hear about on here that can go on for years, or the ive been blocked and those 2 years spent together meant nothing?    

[jammo1989]

So many whys right now, I don't miss her I miss the way i felt when i was with her, i was so motivated so driven and so on the ball, and this co dependency feeling has really been kicking my ass ever since i posted saying she is BPD if anything.  The girl has no family, and I get it, I get why they get triggered and run, but all i picture is a scared little girl who nobody understands, yeah she has a bf, but I dont see him as a BF i see him more as a convenience to her.

Why do I still look on her FB, is it because im blocked?

Why has she not posted a single picture of her and her bf in 4 months, not one profile picture of them, nor is their any on his either.  Me and the ex always had pictures together from the very start.

During the push/pull period I had already been dumped, but proceeded to tell her i know your playing mind games, im done, what would have happened if i had let the games carry on? would she have dropped me as soon as she had the replacement (blocked me anyway) or would she be playing 2 guys at the same time?

She set her Facebook profile to private the day after i set mine to private... .coincidence?  

She commented on a mutual friends status, which i cant read because im blocked, he replied saying something like how was your New Years? and she didnt reply, (over thinking) but im guessing she didnt want to talk about what shes been up to because she probably knew his replies would appear on my wall

Yes it all sounds pathetic, and I agree but my head feels fried right now, whats worse the push/pull I constantly hear about on here that can go on for years, or the ive been blocked and those 2 years spent together meant nothing?    

[Aussie JJ]

Yeap,

Trauma bonding... .  It is painful my friend. 

Yes it all sounds pathetic, and I agree but my head feels fried right now, whats worse the push/pull I constantly hear about on here that can go on for years, or the ive been blocked and those 2 years spent together meant nothing?    

Hold on a second, it did mean something to you didn't it... .  That is what counts.  Bugger her perceptions and choices, were talking about you here, it had value and meaning for you.  The relationship still does as your learning from those past mistakes.  Some around here have called it a blessing... .  You're choice how you view it. 


AJJ

[mywifecrazy]

but all i picture is a scared little girl who nobody understands, yeah she has a bf, but I dont see him as a BF i see him more as a convenience to her.

With your education you'll receive from this site (BPD FAMILY) and a little time you'll come to realize that you too were nothing but a convenience to her as well. It's painful to when we get to,that understanding but it's also the doorway that leads to healing and a better you.

Why do I still look on her FB, is it because im blocked?

Yes it all sounds pathetic, and I agree but my head feels fried right now, whats worse the push/pull I constantly hear about on here that can go on for years, or the ive been blocked and those 2 years spent together meant nothing?    

yes I remember doing the same exact things as you. Checking her facebook, looking at her cell phone records, searching her name on Google, driving by her new apartment and peeking over at my neighbors house (her new R/s). My mind was fried and I was overcooking it by these actions. What Got my head out of the frying pan was going NO CONTACT and reading as much as I could on here to educate myself with exactly who my uBPDxw was and how her mind worked. I was in the FOG until I let go of who I thought she was and educated myself on who she really is.

Good luck, you will get there too!

MWC... .