been a while

[Depression = 72% of members]

I haven't been on here for a long time, i have been trying to deal with my situation the best that i can.

I have not had the major flareups that i experienced in the past, i just don't take the bait as easy as i used to.

I also now try to leave the situation when it starts up, i recognize that the majority of my gf freak outs have little to do with what i did but more of what someone else did to her earlier in the day. I can actually see it happen, i try to let her talk it out and soon enough it comes out that this person did that to her, then i see where it all started. It doesn't make it easier to deal with, i can just rationalize it better.

Just on Christmas eve, we were at a bar with our friends (been doing this for 8yrs with her), one of the waitresses walked behind me and put her hand on my back as she was passing a drink to someone at the table. Innocent enough right? wrong. When we got back to her place she exploded, accusing me of flirting with the waitress, that i looked right at her when it happened to supposedly see if she was watching  - I stood my ground, i acknowleged she touched my back, but that is all i agreed to, i told her i was not flirting and told her nothing is going on and that if she continued to accuse me of misdoings that i was leaving, i told her i am not staying to hear such b/s and that i would talk to her tomorrow. I have left on other occassions because of her freaking out, this type of behaviour drives me nutso, i told her that it appears she does not trust me and then we got into her past and all the guys that actually screwed her over. I told her that i am not the same as her past boyfriends and she should know that by now and that i am not going to sit and beg for her forgiveness for something i did not do. She then said he would break the waitresses arm if she ever saw her do that again, flipped her anger from me to her. I don't stand for her craziness much anymore, its better in the long run  for everyone.

Hope the new year brings me and everyone here more patience and  wisdome !          

[moonunit]

I haven't been on here for a long time, i have been trying to deal with my situation the best that i can.

I have not had the major flareups that i experienced in the past, i just don't take the bait as easy as i used to.

I also now try to leave the situation when it starts up, i recognize that the majority of my gf freak outs have little to do with what i did but more of what someone else did to her earlier in the day. I can actually see it happen, i try to let her talk it out and soon enough it comes out that this person did that to her, then i see where it all started. It doesn't make it easier to deal with, i can just rationalize it better.

Just on Christmas eve, we were at a bar with our friends (been doing this for 8yrs with her), one of the waitresses walked behind me and put her hand on my back as she was passing a drink to someone at the table. Innocent enough right? wrong. When we got back to her place she exploded, accusing me of flirting with the waitress, that i looked right at her when it happened to supposedly see if she was watching  - I stood my ground, i acknowleged she touched my back, but that is all i agreed to, i told her i was not flirting and told her nothing is going on and that if she continued to accuse me of misdoings that i was leaving, i told her i am not staying to hear such b/s and that i would talk to her tomorrow. I have left on other occassions because of her freaking out, this type of behaviour drives me nutso, i told her that it appears she does not trust me and then we got into her past and all the guys that actually screwed her over. I told her that i am not the same as her past boyfriends and she should know that by now and that i am not going to sit and beg for her forgiveness for something i did not do. She then said he would break the waitresses arm if she ever saw her do that again, flipped her anger from me to her. I don't stand for her craziness much anymore, its better in the long run  for everyone.

Hope the new year brings me and everyone here more patience and  wisdome !          

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[shatra]

Hi

Have u tried validating?

----I understand that you feel upset

---You felt jealous when the waitress did that

Or SET

S---I want to work out this issue between us

E--You feel jealous when females talk to me

T--I really care about you even though they talk to me

Shatra

[moonunit]

Hi Shatra, i have tried this at times, however she will quickly spin it back to me. Eg. I understand you feel upset - she replys with - So why should i feel this way, is it because the way you treated me in the past, that is why i flip out, so what were you saying about me being upset, oh yeah, your nothing but a lying scumbag.

Not so easy