Moments of Irony

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

I recall once laying in bed with the BPDx one night watching the movie the devil's advocate. In one of the scenes, Robert Deniro's character (who plays the devil for those unfamiliar with the movie), tells a stranger on the train that as soon as he left his house, his friend was in bed with his wife. I got a very unsettling feeling and glancing over at her she seemed kind of weird too. At this time i had suspected she was cheating (again), but had no idea that she was pretty much doing anybody that looked at her. A couple of months later, shortly after i had left our apartment, i receive an annonymous picture message of her peroforming a sex act on someone i know, i rush back home and see with my own two eyes what i deep down had known all along.

Anyone have similar moments?

[clydegriffith]

I recall once laying in bed with the BPDx one night watching the movie the devil's advocate. In one of the scenes, Robert Deniro's character (who plays the devil for those unfamiliar with the movie), tells a stranger on the train that as soon as he left his house, his friend was in bed with his wife. I got a very unsettling feeling and glancing over at her she seemed kind of weird too. At this time i had suspected she was cheating (again), but had no idea that she was pretty much doing anybody that looked at her. A couple of months later, shortly after i had left our apartment, i receive an annonymous picture message of her peroforming a sex act on someone i know, i rush back home and see with my own two eyes what i deep down had known all along.

Anyone have similar moments?

[Confused?]

I'm sorry to ask this question but who took the picture? I felt similar towards the end where I knew I couldn't trust her but stuck with her anyways. My heart took over my mind and gut. But it was almost like she was telling me what she was doing without actually telling me. Never admitting anything to me though. I even sat her down and had a talk with her a few days after my birthday (which of course she didn't want to see me on). I have her some options. She can either tell me about the guy if there is anything going on and choose me. Or if nothing is going on stop being so push pull. Or if I find out anything is going on I'm gone forever. A week later she was in a relationship with the guy. I gave her one last opportunity to tell me the truth and she couldn't. I believe nothing she ever said during the relationship. Of course the entire relationship was ironic because everything she said to me was basically her talking about herself.

[clydegriffith]

I'm sorry to ask this question but who took the picture? I felt similar towards the end where I knew I couldn't trust her but stuck with her anyways. My heart took over my mind and gut. But it was almost like she was telling me what she was doing without actually telling me. Never admitting anything to me though. I even sat her down and had a talk with her a few days after my birthday (which of course she didn't want to see me on). I have her some options. She can either tell me about the guy if there is anything going on and choose me. Or if nothing is going on stop being so push pull. Or if I find out anything is going on I'm gone forever. A week later she was in a relationship with the guy. I gave her one last opportunity to tell me the truth and she couldn't. I believe nothing she ever said during the relationship. Of course the entire relationship was ironic because everything she said to me was basically her talking about herself.

The person she was with at that moment took the picture and sent it to me. People had been telling me she was up to no good for a while but i really didn't want to believe it. On this particular night this guy was hanging out in the apartment above us with some of my other friends and she just randonly text him to come downstairs for sex after i leave. He showed those messages to my friends and them being the idiots they are concocted this plan to show me the light so to speak.

I'm not even mad at the people that knew me that she ended up being with. She was the one that was engaging everyone for hookups. The whole situation is just so embarassing. And i have a child with that woman too, whom i have to give a lot of money to every month. I'm seriously considering just dissapering to screw her over financially. 

[Confused?]

Wow I'm sorry man. That's pretty messed up that they would do that to you still. I think her texting them is evidence enough and they shouldn't have went any further. I'm firmly against hooking up with someone that I know has a partner. I have always been that way. Especially now more than ever after what happened to me.

[clydegriffith]

Wow I'm sorry man. That's pretty messed up that they would do that to you still. I think her texting them is evidence enough and they shouldn't have went any further. I'm firmly against hooking up with someone that I know has a partner. I have always been that way. Especially now more than ever after what happened to me.

As messed up as it was i think it had to be done. I was in too deep by that point and was in full doormat mode and had been for a while. Had i just been shown a text i probably would have just let it go like i did so many other things before that.

[Confused?]

True. I was like that too. Replaced once for a month she begged for me back apologized blah blah blah. We recycled and similar things started happening again after about 2 months. She made new friends and was hanging out with some girl a lot. Then she started mentioning some guy that was a relative of hers. Well it got to the point where I basically had to find out myself. We talked for about 3 days straight then the next day she stopped talking to me at a similar time that she does. I suspected this was when the guy got off work. So after I got off work I drove out to see her. She lived a decent amount away but I had to find out. After two calls and no answer she called me about when I was pulling in her driveway. I asked her what she was doing and she said she was sleeping she didn't feel good and she was going back to sleep. I told her not to sleep because I'm pulling in her driveway. She got all weird and said no don't because "replacement" is here. I saw him standing outside as I drive by. That's the only time she talked to me for like 3 months straight when he wasn't around basically keeping me and him out of the loop. I flipped out and she started projecting hardcore. Like I said about a week later they were dating even tho she denied everything. The images of everything still haunt me to this day. I had to see both replacements with her to actually believe that anything was happening. I was in such denial. I guess I really wanted what we had to be real.

[jhkbuzz]

Wow I'm sorry man. That's pretty messed up that they would do that to you still. I think her texting them is evidence enough and they shouldn't have went any further. I'm firmly against hooking up with someone that I know has a partner. I have always been that way. Especially now more than ever after what happened to me.

As messed up as it was i think it had to be done. I was in too deep by that point and was in full doormat mode and had been for a while. Had i just been shown a text i probably would have just let it go like i did so many other things before that.

I'm curious (because this was the situation for me) - was part of it not so much that you were a doormat, but that you just couldn't believe she would do that?  That was the struggle for me - that I really believed that my exBPDgf was a gentle, caring, honest person.  To accept what I was being to suspect - that she was chronically lying and cheating - was utterly MIND BLOWING.  The cognitive dissonance almost broke my brain.  

[Confused?]

I believed mine completely. It's kind of like reverse psychology when you look at it now though. The fact that she talked constantly about everyone always leaving her and needing reassurance that I would never cheat or leave her, constantly telling her she loves me and wanting to be around me always. It got to the point where I never thought in a million years she would betray me. I was way too focused on not messing things up "walking on eggshells" to ever turn anything back onto her. She actually had me believing arguments were started because of me and had me apologizing. It really is messed up to see that the person you love actually has you so brainwashed that you don't even know what is going on anymore. You don't know right from wrong. What's real not real. What to believe what not to believe.

[clydegriffith]

Wow I'm sorry man. That's pretty messed up that they would do that to you still. I think her texting them is evidence enough and they shouldn't have went any further. I'm firmly against hooking up with someone that I know has a partner. I have always been that way. Especially now more than ever after what happened to me.

As messed up as it was i think it had to be done. I was in too deep by that point and was in full doormat mode and had been for a while. Had i just been shown a text i probably would have just let it go like i did so many other things before that.

I'm curious (because this was the situation for me) - was part of it not so much that you were a doormat, but that you just couldn't believe she would do that?  That was the struggle for me - that I really believed that my exBPDgf was a gentle, caring, honest person.  To accept what I was being to suspect - that she was chronically lying and cheating - was utterly MIND BLOWING.  The cognitive dissonance almost broke my brain.  

Initially i did not think she was capable of cheating but as i got to know her better i believed she would and she did. That being said, i never really thought she was capable of cheating to the extent she had been, i'm a good person and believe that for the most part the people i surround myself with hold the same morals and beliefs as i do. So yeah it came as quite the shock when i discovered that she was pretty much running a one woman ___ house in my apartment, screwing anyone that accepted her advances.

[jhkbuzz]

Wow I'm sorry man. That's pretty messed up that they would do that to you still. I think her texting them is evidence enough and they shouldn't have went any further. I'm firmly against hooking up with someone that I know has a partner. I have always been that way. Especially now more than ever after what happened to me.

As messed up as it was i think it had to be done. I was in too deep by that point and was in full doormat mode and had been for a while. Had i just been shown a text i probably would have just let it go like i did so many other things before that.

I'm curious (because this was the situation for me) - was part of it not so much that you were a doormat, but that you just couldn't believe she would do that?  That was the struggle for me - that I really believed that my exBPDgf was a gentle, caring, honest person.  To accept what I was being to suspect - that she was chronically lying and cheating - was utterly MIND BLOWING.  The cognitive dissonance almost broke my brain.  

Initially i did not think she was capable of cheating but as i got to know her better i believed she would and she did. That being said, i never really thought she was capable of cheating to the extent she had been, i'm a good person and believe that for the most part the people i surround myself with hold the same morals and beliefs as i do. So yeah it came as quite the shock when i discovered that she was pretty much running a one woman ___ house in my apartment, screwing anyone that accepted her advances.

So... .were you really a doormat?  Or were you struggling with cognitive dissonance - that uncomfortable feeling that results from trying to reconcile two conflicting pieces of information; e.g.  she's honest and faithful (your belief) vs. she's lying and unfaithful (her actions)?