I can't get away from her

[Depression = 72% of members]

uBPDsis' nightmare of a life keeps following me and it feels like I can't be rid of her.

When we last left off, uBPDsis threatened herself with a gun and ran off into the night after an afternoon of packing. She ran home to Mom's house where she pretended the threat never happened. I moved out December 13th, she finished up December 14th. I come to find out BPDsis didn't leave any forwarding contact information.

Come yesterday, I pop open the mailbox to find two bills - one for me and one for her. Apparently we owe $700 on the apartments for prorated rent that nobody said anything about. I was NC with BPDsis until this point. Now I have to contact her because I'll be damned if I have to pay this entire bill. Her crap was there after I moved out. She's as much responsible for this bill as I am, but of course she couldn't be bothered to leave any contact info.

The man from the management agency can only get a hold of me - my sister isn't answering his calls and she's only responding to my emails with one-word answers.

HELP! What would you do in this situation? I am so hurt and angry, I can't describe it. I just want to be rid of her and severe all ties and it seems like things keep popping up that keep her hooks embedded in me... .

[Meadowslark]

uBPDsis' nightmare of a life keeps following me and it feels like I can't be rid of her.

When we last left off, uBPDsis threatened herself with a gun and ran off into the night after an afternoon of packing. She ran home to Mom's house where she pretended the threat never happened. I moved out December 13th, she finished up December 14th. I come to find out BPDsis didn't leave any forwarding contact information.

Come yesterday, I pop open the mailbox to find two bills - one for me and one for her. Apparently we owe $700 on the apartments for prorated rent that nobody said anything about. I was NC with BPDsis until this point. Now I have to contact her because I'll be damned if I have to pay this entire bill. Her crap was there after I moved out. She's as much responsible for this bill as I am, but of course she couldn't be bothered to leave any contact info.

The man from the management agency can only get a hold of me - my sister isn't answering his calls and she's only responding to my emails with one-word answers.

HELP! What would you do in this situation? I am so hurt and angry, I can't describe it. I just want to be rid of her and severe all ties and it seems like things keep popping up that keep her hooks embedded in me... .

[Harri]

Ugh, I hate when their bad choices have a direct and negative impact on us. 

HELP! What would you do in this situation? I am so hurt and angry, I can't describe it. I just want to be rid of her and severe all ties and it seems like things keep popping up that keep her hooks embedded in me... .

If it were me, there are two things I would do.  The first would be to give your former landlord her last known address (I thought she was moving in with your dad?  if so, I would give his address for future collection attempts-- I don't care if she only spent one night at his place, she was last there) and tell him to stop contacting you. 

The second thing I would do is be prepared to pay the full $700.00 in the time frame given in the letter.  Yep, it is not fair and my blood would be boiling too but I would not allow her (your sister) to have one more negative impact on my life.  She is not worth a bad credit history, court or lawyer fees, or even one minute more than necessary to resolve this issue and move on to cutting ties.  $350.00 seems a small price to get her last hooks out and set the stage for never allowing yourself to be hooked again.  Your freedom is worth it. 

I really feel for you in your situation and I wish you the very best of luck in resolving this issue in a way that does not force you to pay the full $700.00. 

[Ziggiddy]

Hi meadowslark

What a frustrating situation for you to be put in. On top of the emotional wind-up too.

Unfortunately I think like Harri you might be stuck with this. i get that it's not fair and you are white hot mad but in effect, if the cost of $700 is the price of keeping safe in NC then it may be worth that value.

I had a financial problem involving BPDm which in the end revealed fully her selfish grudgebearing, manipulative, vicious side in a way I still can barely comprehend. In the end, it cost me - not as much as you- but as my brother said to me "It's a small price to pay to have that safety and peace of mind. You would have paid security guys more to keep you safer' and ther eis something in that.

you could try and pursue legal action and you could even bide your time and wait for an opportunity to either get paid back or similar.

You could also look at it this way - when people are skeptical that your sister has a disorder at least they'll have black and white proof that she has a financial irresponsibility.

[Meadowslark]

Thank you guys for your advice. I've calmed down but I have more info.

I gave the guy from the management company my sister's contact info. She claims to have called him and set up an arrangement for her half, but six hours later sends me an email stating she doesn't find half to be "acceptable" and that she'll be "generous" and pay $100, the amount she estimated for a 10x20 storage unit.

Is this real life?

Even if you're not physically present in the space, your name is still on the lease and you're still responsible for payment. I've had to do this twice - move out but keep my end of the bargain. Both times, all of my things were removed from the property but I STILL kept my end of the lease.

I called the management company this morning and left a message letting the guy know I'm getting conflicting information from my sister and need to know what, if any, deal she's set up with him so I know what the remainder will be. I so want this nightmare to be over with. I'll provide her last known address as well if she hadn't provided it already... .

[Meadowslark]

I spoke to the property manager and my sister told him she agreed to pay her half, the $300, by the 17th. Now she's telling me a different story about paying the storage unit price... .

Legally, she's still considered a resident if her things are there, her name is on the lease and she has a key, correct?

[Linda Maria]

Hi Meadowslark!  So sorry to hear about this situation - I have had to deal with a lot of this over the last 18 months, following the death of my Mum.  My uBPDsis has made life hellish and incredibly difficult, particularly over money matters - I had never realised till now she could be like this with money.  I have written off quite a lot of money just to stop all the madness - for me it was worth it.  But I have a record of it all - you just never know when there might be a chance to get some of it back.  But for you - as the property manager has had a conversation with her - and she has said she will pay back - was it £300 - by the 17th?  That's a verbal contract in my book - it sounds pretty clear.  If it was me I would pay my half, and go into writing to confirm what you have done, what your half relates to, and the fact that you are aware of the agreement between the other parties to pay the balance, therefore your involvement is at an end.  Then it's all on the record.  Any further dealings on the matter should be taken up with your sis.  I think it is clear cut.  If it was me, knowing what my uBPDsis is like, I wouldn't even copy her on the letter (it would only trigger something nasty) and I would just stick to your guns.  Really hope it gets sorted.  Good luck!