How to follow through with no contact if...

[Depression = 72% of members]

I was wondering how others on have followed through with no contact if the exBPD won't stop?  I know I can change my phone number, but she still haves my work phone number, my work email address, and knows where I live.  I don't know what to do anymore she is driving me insane.  She called my work phone 10 times today already, and left 4 voicemails. Last night she showed up at my place when I got off work.  I guess I could do something after work so I don't get home at the same time.  But I am sick of having to live my life around her bothering me all the time.  She is making me so miserable.  What have some of you done in this situation?

[glaciercats]

I was wondering how others on have followed through with no contact if the exBPD won't stop?  I know I can change my phone number, but she still haves my work phone number, my work email address, and knows where I live.  I don't know what to do anymore she is driving me insane.  She called my work phone 10 times today already, and left 4 voicemails. Last night she showed up at my place when I got off work.  I guess I could do something after work so I don't get home at the same time.  But I am sick of having to live my life around her bothering me all the time.  She is making me so miserable.  What have some of you done in this situation?

[Jmanster]

Sounds like you need a restraining order my friend... .

[Tim300]

How long has this been going on for?  Maybe it sill stop after a few weeks.

[clydegriffith]

It'll stop once she can sucker someone else in. Then it'll become like you never existed.

[JRT]

Yeah... .you might want to find her a BF... .

[glaciercats]

I can't wait until she finds her next victim... .I am on the verge of restraining order.  It's been going on for a while.  Then she moved out of state for a few weeks.  Guess that person didn't want her.  So she came back two weeks ago and is hitting me up even harder.  I feel like I'm at the end of my rope.  She has ruined my life.

[Rise]

If she shows up at your home, tell her that if she doesn't leave you'll call the cops. Then follow through. If she keeps calling your work number, tell her if she doesn't stop you're going to call the cops. Then follow through. Telling someone there are boundaries they can't cross doesn't mean anything if you're not willing to enforce those boundaries.

[glaciercats]

If she shows up at your home, tell her that if she doesn't leave you'll call the cops. Then follow through. If she keeps calling your work number, tell her if she doesn't you're going to call the cops. Then follow through. Telling someone there are boundaries they can't cross doesn't mean anything if you're not willing to enforce those boundaries.

Your right, I'm going to have to do this. 

I think I will be the one that ends up in the mental hospital instead of the one that needs to be,

[Rise]

I think I will be the one that ends up in the mental hospital instead of the one that needs to be,

It's going to be okay GC. You're going through something really tough right now. You can make it though. You're just going to have to be the one to take control of this. If you're waiting for her to stop on her own, you may be waiting a loong time. Or at least much longer than you'd probably like.

Take care of yourself. Things may be bad now, but there is light at the end of the tunnel.

[fromheeltoheal]

Hi glacier-

Think attachments with borderlines; it's all about if you is in place with you or not, and since things have changed between you she's freaking out and motivated to keep testing that attachment.  If she does show up in your face somewhere, the best thing to do is act bored, give short answers, don't ask any questions, and try to end the exchange as soon as possible.  If you get pissed off at her it tells here there's still an emotional attachment in place.  What she's doing now is called an extinction burst, she's freaking about about the change in attachment, and she'll keep it up until she accepts that the attachment has been severed, and she'll run off to the next shiny object.

Specifically, there are ways to have your work phone blocked for her number, and you can set a rule to have your work email delete her messages immediately without being read.

If she shows up at your home, act bored, and if you threaten to call the cops, you need to actually do it to be consistent.  And if that doesn't work there are restraining orders, where you can get her arrested if she shows up.

Sorry man, pain in the ass, but if you focus on you and your future, and do whatever you need to do to remove her, it shouldn't be too long before she stops or gets stopped.  My ex continued with the contact attempts for about 9 months after I left her, but they got fewer and longer between.  Take care of you!

[glaciercats]

Thank you Rise for the kind words!  I'm really trying.

And thank you fromheel.  I like your user name exactly how I feel!  Her last little fling didn't go over so well so she is trying to recycle me.  I have really been standing my ground this time.  Thanks in part to this message board and seeing other people going through the same thing.  Before I stumbled onto here I was almost convinced I was the bad one.  It was so enlightening to find other people going through the same kind of things. 

I'm just going to continue to keep my cool if I see her and if she doesn't stop soon I will be forced to do something else. It is seriously a pain in the ass, but your right I have to focus on me and my well being from now on.  She tries so hard to get me to snap.  She loves to see me an emotional wreck, ugh.  But I am standing my ground this time and will not be manipulated anymore.  Man I don't know how you did it for 9 months. I will by insane by then ... .Thanks again for all the advice! 

[fromheeltoheal]

Man I don't know how you did it for 9 months.

By learning and detaching, and as time went on her behaviors became more and more transparent.  Like you I thought I was the insane one when I first left, and I sure felt that way, but with time her attempts actually helped me detach because they just confirmed the crazy.  The biggest thing by then was the shock I was in over how I'd gotten in so deep and gotten so lost; that shock motivated me to be more grateful for my life, dig deep and grow, the gift of the relationship.  Take care of you!

[mitchell16]

I went thru this with mine. It was a roller coaster of  calls, texts, emails. I blocked her on my cell and she called from another number. Or she would have freinds or relatives text me. She would drive around my place of work, drive to my house. follow me around my town where she dont even live. This has been going oon since august. I havet reponded to a single thing, stayed NC. since august She has contacted me atleast twice a week in some form. But in my opinion repsonding with anything at all, any action only validates them. So Im maintaining NC. This week so far has been good nothing from her so I hope she is growing tired or she has found a new toy to play with.  what was is crazy is one minute her messages or texts were kind and caring, professing her love for me and the next day I was the worst person she ever met and she regretted ever being involved with me. constant roller coaster of contridictions and emotions its crazy.

[Infared]

If she shows up at your home, tell her that if she doesn't leave you'll call the cops. Then follow through. If she keeps calling your work number, tell her if she doesn't stop you're going to call the cops. Then follow through. Telling someone there are boundaries they can't cross doesn't mean anything if you're not willing to enforce those boundaries.

I agree completely. She needs to have consequences for this behavior. She will blame the consequences on you, but that is OK.  Once she sees you mean business her behavior most likely will change.  Some times it is hard to stop being Mr. Nice Guy... .but I think that you need to take care of you. Good luck!

[Tibbles]

Its hard when they just won't leave you alone. They do stop eventually when they realise you are no longer playing the game. For me I stopped answering phone calls. I'd listen to the messages left and reply with a text with very few words. Same with emails. Long essays were met with Got your email or the like. Thing that helped me was the realisation I don't have to listen or reply straight away, or reply at all. That gave me a feeling of control over the process. It does not have to be in her time frame, make it in your time frame. If you want to reply do, if not don't. You have no control over her but you do over you. Recognising that I had choices and I could choose to completely ignore and to feel good about that helped me not react to the contact attempts. Took awhile but eventually I was left alone.

[Deeno02]

It'll stop once she can sucker someone else in. Then it'll become like you never existed.

This is true... .^^^^^