Flashback caused by something stupid

[Popcorn71]

This morning when I was in the bathroom, I caught sight of something in the linen basket.  It looked just like my xBPDh's underpants.  He used to wear the most awful underwear and I hated it.  Well, no kidding, when I spotted this item, my heart started racing and I began to panic.  After a few seconds I realised that it was another item of clothing and that no way could his pants be in my home.

What got me was the effect this had on me.  How could something so stupid have made me feel like that?

[CloseToFreedom]

Well, I can't speak for you but the reason almost ALL things in my life right now trigger me is because the relationship was so intense and I guess traumatic. It caused the circuits in my brain to make so many connections. Because she was in every aspect of my life and I let her.

From friends, my freakin' home, the gym, diner, furniture, the garden, stuff I do, eat, say, write, breathe. Everything is a trigger. It can only fade thanks to time, and it does now that I'm 2 months out, but there are still countless triggers each day. The bathroom is one big trigger for me, when I'm showering there or doing my hair, so much reminds me of her. But I could say the same of the bedroom, or the living room, or whatever.

I guess i know exactly how it feels. I do think that this is what makes us normal. I had the same thing after my previous relationship, and that was a pretty normal relationship. I think (don't know for sure, I think), our BPDexes switch off this stuff so that they aren't reminded about the pain anymore, and they can do that pretty easily, just put all that stuff about their ex (us) in a mental box and throw it in a small dark corner of their minds, and be done with it.

[Perdita]

PTSD

I changed my phone number almost a month ago yet I still keep the volume low because it upsets me when it rings.  I just can't handle the sound of it right now as I still have that fear that it will be him.  There's no way he can get this number though.

[Rifka]

PTSD

I changed my phone number almost a month ago yet I still keep the volume low because it upsets me when it rings.  I just can't handle the sound of it right now as I still have that fear that it will be him.  There's no way he can get this number though.

Maybe change your ringtone to something different and that you love. A new ringtone might not have an effect!

[Perdita]

Maybe change your ringtone to something different and that you love. A new ringtone might not have an effect!

I've tried but it doesn't help.  Right before I changed it he had given my number to his scumbag best friend and he was sending me mean messages.  So I really can't handle the sound of my phone at all.

[Confused?]

I ditto the phone thing. My heart drops when it goes off. The worst part is that I started talking to a friend of mine who is the opposite sex. I don't feel any attraction to her other than just friends. In a weak moment I messed up and we had sex. Now she texts me all day and I feel like complete shoot. It reminds me of how my ex used to text me all day and it is really triggering. I have absolutely no idea what to do in this situation because I don't want to hurt her but I am not in the right mind set to start anything with her and I'm pretty sure it's what she wants. The worst part about the whole thing is that she was probably the only one of my friends that liked my ex. Now I feel like she knows how hurt I am and is taking advantage of the situation. Either way with everything I feel lower than low right now.

[peace_seeker]

Maybe change your ringtone to something different and that you love. A new ringtone might not have an effect!

I've tried but it doesn't help.  Right before I changed it he had given my number to his scumbag best friend and he was sending me mean messages.  So I really can't handle the sound of my phone at all.

I had issues with my phone too! For me it is the alarm. I had to change my morning alarm tone because the old tune reminded me too much the times we woke up together in the same bed.

when we were still tgt and fighting, i'll always be so scared of my phone ringing because it scares me what he's going to text! all those abusive words, guilt tripping stuff, and also threats of breaking up... .so i can definitely feel your fear! maybe you can consider muting your phone completely (assuming it's ok for you to miss a few calls here and there) and to only check it whenever u've mentally prep myself to do so.

[ADecadeLost]

Phone, text message beep in particular, still makes me cringe a bit as well.  Not completely traumatic, but I visibly tense up a bit when I hear that beep (not really fear as much as "not again".  It's enough that the few around me aware of my situation notice it when it happens.

[Sandman1881]

When my text goes off, regardless of tone, my heart still drops. New number so no chance there. Of course there is always email but I doubt it due to the protection order.

She wouldn't give me that satisfaction. If there were no order, I'd be getting harassed I believe.

Nearly 4 months out and still reeling. 2nd dream about her this week. She was on the phone with her S23. I could only see him on the phone - not her. He said "so you made the switch?" From me to my replacement. I was bathed in ice cold shame for the entire day.

I said going into the r/s saying "this will either be the greatest love of my life, or my worst heartache ever." Painful. So unbelievably painful.

[downwhim]

I got a call at 8am, 12 pm and 3:30 to 4 pm everyday. He like the be structured. It triggers me if I get call this time of the day!

Besides that we only live a few miles away from each other. There is a train that goes by much louder at his house but when I hear it it makes me triggered as we made love with that damn train in the background many times... .yuck... .

[Perdita]

Nearly 4 months out and still reeling. 2nd dream about her this week.

I have dreams about mine nearly every night.  In a recent dream we were in the kitchen and he suddenly became all amorous and put me on my back on the stove at which point I got burned!  Just like in real life.  Every time we got close I got burned!

[Rise]

What got me was the effect this had on me.  How could something so stupid have made me feel like that?

It's not stupid. Everyone has those small things that trigger memories and emotions. Our triggers aren't always rational, but that doesn't make them stupid.