Indroduction

[theatregal]

• What type of relationship are you in?
  
  

Our adopted d18 has not been diagnosed. She displays most, if not all of the traits of BPD.

• Who else (if anyone), in child's family, has BPD?
  
  

Yes, her bio mother, grandmother and uncle. Bio grandmother has not been diagnosed, bio mother diagnosed as Bi-polar while in prison, not sure about bio uncle. Also not sure about the bio father.

• What is your child's strongest quality?
  
  

Very bright, can be engaging, most people (and animals) are drawn to her. She is (or can be very) artistic. She has a beautiful voice and enjoys music. I always found it sad that she could not accept true praise.

• What are the top challenges your child is facing?
  
  

There are so many things. Unable to maintain personal relationships. Self harming, cutting, burning. Self destructive in all aspects of her life. Not able to focus, has very little motivation for anything. Splitting, mirroring, manipulation.  Right now: She is trying (through manipulation) to live out her fantasy of establishing her "real family" with her bio parents, who have never been together, her bio mother (BPD) was 15 when she was born and has been in and out of prison (drugs) for the past 18 years (now in a halfway house) and her bio father.  

• What do you find most difficult in dealing with your child?
  
  

Lack of trust.  It feels like everything is a manipulation, lie.  We are always the "clueless bad guys". Sometimes it feels like we're just needed to write the checks.

• How would you categorize your child? Diagnosed? Undiagnosed?
  
  

Undiagnosed.  She has understandably had anger and abandonment issues since she was a small child.  She was my husbands step-daughters child, who was abandoned by her bio mother and bio grandmother shortly after her birth.  My husband raised her alone, trying to protect her from all of the turmoil of her bio family.  When we married  she was 7 years old and a very angry... .hurt little girl. She really struggled with peers, all social skills, stealing, anger. We put her into counseling for over 18 months.  It seemed to help.  She settled down, asked us to adopt her... .but still struggled with making friends and maintaining friendships,  and being truthful.  She has always been very interested in all things sexual... .way more than the norm and started acting on these impulses while still in grade school.  She really "imploded" during her second year of high school and wound up in a hospital for a couple of weeks.  It was during this time a friend, who is an adolescent counselor, asked me if the doctors had brought up BPD. She suggested some books to read. Everything seemed to fit!

• What do you struggle with yourself?
  
  

Stress. We are very worried about her safety right now. We are very concerned about her future.

We are trying to understand.  She is not living at home. Sad to say, except for the fear of her safety... .it is a relief.  Makes it easier to step back and identify the patterns of manipulation.

• Is anyone in therapy? Child? Parents?
  
  If so, what types?
  
  

Not at this time.  

• What are your goals at bpdfamily.com?
  
  

To learn more about BPD. To learn how to have more positive communication and understanding with our daughter. To somehow help her learn to help herself.

TAKE THE PLEDGE HERE

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Rapt Reader]

Hello, theatregal & 

I'm so glad you found us, and I can tell you right now that there are so many parents of kids like your daughter who are on this Board that you will find lots of support and insights to help you. I, myself, have an adult (37) son who was only diagnosed with BPD about 2 years ago--at age 35. I only wish I knew then what I know now about the origin of his many troubles for so long; things could've been so much easier for him and our whole family!

Although your daughter is undiagnosed, now that you have an idea of what is going on with her, you can read all of the links to the right-hand side of this page in order to learn all you can about how her mind is working, and how to handle the situation better by learning the communication TOOLS and THE LESSONS that will help you with your own well-being (and hers!).

• What are the top challenges your child is facing?
  
  

There are so many things. Unable to maintain personal relationships. Self harming, cutting, burning. Self destructive in all aspects of her life. Not able to focus, has very little motivation for anything. Splitting, mirroring, manipulation.  Right now: She is trying (through manipulation) to live out her fantasy of establishing her "real family" with her bio parents, who have never been together, her bio mother (BPD) was 15 when she was born and has been in and out of prison (drugs) for the past 18 years (now in a halfway house) and her bio father.  

My own son also self-harmed (mostly with drugs and alcohol), and it was heartbreaking for me to watch him self-destruct right before my very eyes! I'm very sorry that she is dealing with this... .I'm very curious about how she is trying to put her "real family" back together again? Where is she living? How is she manipulating the situation? Is she somehow dealing with her bio mother, bio father and grandmother? How is she actually surviving without you and your Husband? Does she have a job, or is she still in school?

Please tell us more about your story, and read all you can around here. We have some Feature Articles (also found in the links under the 4 photos right on top of the thread listings on the Parenting Board's main page) that will also be very educational and helpful to you... .All of them, whether your daughter is diagnosed or not, in Therapy or not. We're very glad you found us, theatregal, and want to help 

[theatregal]

Hello Rapt Reader

Thank you so much for replying to my post.  I was referred to this site by Lisa (Admin) of The Welcome to OZ Parents of BPD yahoo group.  From what I am seeing, this site is a better fit for me. Although we're still trying to "get our arms"  around all of this, we're trying to learn as much as possible to better understand what our daughter is going through and help us learn how to communicate with her in a more positive way.  I am looking forward to spending the time to go through all of the links and lessons that are provided here.  I must confess... .  I seem to get over whelmed with all of this, much wanted, information. I find myself needing to walk away and digest what I've just been presented. It may take me awhile to become fully involved with the group.

You asked me to share more of our story and you also asked some great questions. Our story is confusing, long and includes a "cast of characters, who unfortunately play a role in our daughters life...   I need to find a way to write it all down in a somewhat coherent manner. This may take a day or so to accomplish.

Right now.  Our 18 year old daughter is due back in our state tomorrow. She flew to the east coast on 12/28/14 to be with the "love of her life", whom she met on the internet. Scary... .Oh yes! She had been living with her "wonderful" bio grandmother since last June. Who , after a week, didn't want her there. We assume the bio grandmother paid for the plane ticket to get rid of her. We don't have a clue who he might be or who is paying for the plane ticket home. She's 18... .an adult... .doesn't have to tell us anything. We understand that she is going to be living with her bio father, and his girl friend, although we know that will only last about a week or two at the most. It's a pattern. She has implied to us that she's pregnant. She did tell us that she finished all her requirements to graduate high school last December, prior to her leaving.  No job and not really ever looking for one.  She worked for 3 weeks last June, the only job she has ever had.  She wants to be "taken care of", that is why we do believe she may be pregnant. Another pattern she learned from her bio family. Sorry... .I know it looks like I put all the blame on her "bio's". Not really.  It will make more sense, after I share the entire saga.

When I do share the entire story, do I do it here in a reply or start a new post? 

[Rapt Reader]

I appreciate your explaining a little more, theatregal.

When you have the rest of your story put together, you can post it here in a new reply, so it's all in one place... .That, at least, seems good to me  

There really is a lot to read and learn around here; it took me a solid 2 weeks of non-stop reading before I even posted my Introduction, so you are actually ahead of the game as far as I'm concerned  

I hope she arrives safely, and maybe a little wiser after her great adventure... .And that somehow your family can survive all of this. Good luck! And we're looking forward to hearing more of your story, and how things work out tomorrow. We'll see right here on this thread if that works for you, too, theatregal... .