Home page of BPDFamily.com, online relationship supportMember registration here
July 13, 2020, 07:30:04 AM *
Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.

Login with username, password and session length
Board Admins: Harri, Once Removed
Senior Ambassadors: Cat Familiar, I Am Redeemed, Mutt, Turkish
Ambassadors: formflier, GaGrl, Ozzie101, Swimmy55, zachira
  Help!   Groups   Please Donate Login to Post New?--Click here to register  
bing
Experts share their discoveries [video]
100
Caretaking - What is it all about?
Margalis Fjelstad, PhD
Blame - why we do it?
Brené Brown, PhD
Family dynamics matter.
Alan Fruzzetti, PhD
A perspective on BPD
Ivan Spielberg, PhD
Poll
Question:  Take the Pledge (check all that you can commit to).
-- My child has a mental illness that has both biological and psychological roots and will need both medical and therapeutic treatment to manage their disorder. - 152 (11.1%)
-- The social environment in which my child has been raised contributes to the severity of their disorder. I take responsibility for my contribution to that social environment. - 135 (9.9%)
-- I understand that while my child has difficulty maintaining healthy relationships, they are not totally to blame for the relationship difficulties. - 154 (11.2%)
-- Role-modeling is the most powerful tool available to teach my child positive behaviors. - 142 (10.4%)
-- To be a role model requires strength, commitment, patience, and self-awareness. I accept the responsibility to examine my own life and parenting skills and make needed changes. - 159 (11.6%)
-- Influencing change in my child requires love, motivation, validation, and structure. - 157 (11.5%)
-- Both of us have a role in the “cycle of conflict” and I accept the responsibility to learn and implement conflict diffusion and problem solving skills. - 165 (12.1%)
-- I will teach family members to be loving and have healthy boundaries with my child. When a family member is becoming overwhelmed by my child I will intervene and support that family member. - 139 (10.2%)
-- I welcome challenges from BPDFamily.com members, even when the question and challenge may be emotionally upsetting. I commit myself to speaking the truth in love when challenging other BPDFamily.com members. - 166 (12.1%)
Total Voters: 176

Pages: [1]   Go Down
  Print  
Author Topic: Take the Pledge  (Read 8965 times)
Skip
Site Director
***
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 8213


« on: September 30, 2013, 03:15:19 PM »

The Family Board Pledge
 
Please take the pledge (check the items in the survey) and tell us you next near term goal.
 
For members who have a child who is suffering with Borderline Personality Disorder and who want to improve the quality and safety of the day to day family interactions as well as the long term growth of the family... .
 
  • My child has a mental illness that has both biological and psychological roots and will need both medical and therapeutic treatment to manage their disorder.

  • The social environment in which my child been raised contributes to the severity of their disorder. I take responsibility for my contribution to that social environment.

  • I understand that while my child has difficulty maintaining healthy relationships, they are not totally to blame for the relationship difficulties.

  • Role-modeling is the most powerful tool available to teach my child positive behaviors.

  • To be a role model requires strength, commitment, patience, and self-awareness. I accept the responsibility to examine my own life and parenting skills and make needed changes.

  • Influencing change in my child requires love, motivation, validation, and structure.

  • Both of us have a role in the “cycle of conflict” and I accept the responsibility to learn and implement conflict diffusion and problem solving skills.

  • I will teach family members to be loving and have healthy boundaries with my child. When a family member is becoming overwhelmed by my child I will intervene and support that family member.

  • I welcome challenges from bpdfamily.com members, even when the question and challenge may be emotionally upsetting. I commit myself to speaking the truth in love when challenging other bpdfamily.com members.
Logged

 
Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders
Rapt Reader
Retired Staff
*
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Child
What is your relationship status with them: married
Posts: 3626



WWW
« Reply #1 on: September 30, 2013, 03:56:23 PM »

I do pledge all of these things... .

My next near term goal is related to family members. I will try to explain what I have learned about my adult (36) son's BPD diagnosis, in order for them to better understand what has been going on in our family & extended family for so many years. In order for them to better communicate and relate to him, and I will continue to try to help him to better communicate and relate to them.

I would like for various relationships to be healed, and I pledge to do what I can to help that happen; as uncomfortable and difficult as that will be. I will try to get over my own fears and natural tendency to avoid these kinds of touchy situations; nothing will change until I change the way I handle them.

I can't expect family members who don't understand why things have been the way they are, to have a good relationship with my son unless I can communicate what I now know in a loving manner. Mindful of everyone's different perceptions of the past and present; in a nonjudgmental way.
Logged

lbjnltx
Retired Staff
*
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Child
What is your relationship status with them: widowed
Posts: 7766


we can all evolve into someone beautiful


« Reply #2 on: October 02, 2013, 06:11:55 AM »

I do pledge to live and act according to all the points of the pledge.

Next Near Term Goal:

Support my daughter 17, in using the skills she has.  To support her in more fully embracing the skill of radical acceptance so that she will take more responsibility for her education, live a more balanced life and be able to cope with the impending loss of her Dad.   
Logged

 BPDd-13 Residential Treatment - keep believing in miracles
Being Mindful
******
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
What is your relationship status with them: Married for 28 years
Posts: 988



« Reply #3 on: October 02, 2013, 08:03:32 AM »

Next near term:

To continue to find healing within myself, to seek closure, and to forgive individuals who along this journey were hurtful and harming to me and my d.
Logged
qcarolr
Distinguished Member
*
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Child
What is your relationship status with them: Married to DH since 1976
Posts: 4928



WWW
« Reply #4 on: October 06, 2013, 09:07:17 AM »

Next near term goal:

-- Both of us have a role in the “cycle of conflict” and I accept the responsibility to learn and implement conflict diffusion and problem solving skills.

DD is getting T while in jail; she is reading "Stop Walking on Eggshells" and has asked me to read this book (I told her I already have); she has asked me to do therapy with her. This is one pathway to working on this goal. I have said yes to this suggestion.

All of these are such awesome changes in DD. Pray for some persistence and courage for both of us.

Logged

The best criticism of the bad is the practice of the better. (Dom Helder)
marilynmarilyn

Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 6



« Reply #5 on: November 04, 2013, 06:07:27 PM »

I take the pledge, in full awareness of it's meaning and complexity.

I intend to be as close to my dd, 32, as she will allow and to not take offense when she won't let me be.  I accept that she is struggling with this illness very day, and her process is incredibly difficult.  My job as parent is to listen to the best of my ability and respond to her in gentle and tender ways in order to keep our exchanges civil and safe. 

My immediate goal is to further educate myself, via opportunities found on this website and by learning from the shared experiences of others.   It is vital for me to do so, and I WILL give the time, energy, and attention so our cycles might be more loving and productive.  My further intention is to become comfortable setting boundaries and firmly, but peacefully enforce them, for the sake of our entire family. This will be new behavior on my part, since my primary goal in the past has been to appease her because I feared the worst if I didn't.

Thank you for willingness to support  and teach me in parenting my precious child.
Logged
inkling16
**
Offline Offline

Posts: 69


« Reply #6 on: November 05, 2013, 12:06:52 PM »

I pledge to do whatever I can to help my daughter finish high school, and to try not to be surprised, dismayed or judgmental at any changes in her behavior or plans resulting from her turning 18.
Logged
crumblingdad
***
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Child
What is your relationship status with them: Divorced
Posts: 167


« Reply #7 on: November 05, 2013, 04:50:52 PM »

I do pledge all of the above and accept the challenges that come with those pledges.

My next near term goal is to fully support my DD16 on her road to recovery by committing to understanding and being an integral part of her RTC treatment team, fully investing in their advice and recommendations, and being supportive of both her health and wellness as well as my families and my own. All of this in hopes that she will learn to live and love her life and so that our family can begin to live and love their lives again and find the strength to take care of each of ourselves in a healthy manner.
Logged
Mara2
***
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 153



« Reply #8 on: November 07, 2013, 08:38:11 AM »

My next goal- to teach family members (siblings) to be loving and have healthy boundries with their 12 yo sister.  When she overwhelms them I will step in and support them. 
Logged
dragngrany

Offline Offline

Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Child
What is your relationship status with them: Domestic Partnership
Posts: 5



« Reply #9 on: March 21, 2014, 10:34:20 AM »

I take the pledge fully.

•Both of us have a role in the “cycle of conflict” and I accept the responsibility to learn and implement conflict diffusion and problem solving skills.

I will begin working on the step above by learning as much as I can about my son's BPD and using what I know to help our communication with each other. For now that is the place for me to start.
Logged
co.jo
***
Offline Offline

Posts: 110


« Reply #10 on: March 21, 2014, 10:41:57 AM »

My next long term goal is to use validation on my my non-BPD children to help heal some of the wounds from the past.
Logged
Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders
lever.
*****
Offline Offline

Posts: 718


« Reply #11 on: March 21, 2014, 05:37:17 PM »

I signed up to them all except the one re other family members. I would dearly love to help improve things but don't know where to start. It looks like that is my next big challenge, so I will read more and seek advice. Currently rest of family have had enough of DD in their own various ways so it will be quite an undertaking. I will try to make "baby steps" with this.
Logged
tristesse
****
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Child
Posts: 402


Let your Beauty Unfold.


« Reply #12 on: April 29, 2014, 02:36:48 PM »

my next near term goal will be to research and learn as much as I can about BPD and will listen with an open mind to all members on this message board.
Logged

madmom
***
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Child
What is your relationship status with them: Married over 30 years
Posts: 182



« Reply #13 on: May 29, 2014, 10:09:03 AM »

My next goal is to learn more about BPD as it relates to my daughter and our family.  To participate in discussion and learn from the experiences of others.  It is my hope and goal to improve the relationship I have with my daughter and to help her achieve the goals she sets for herself without enabling and to allow the natural consequences of her choices to occur.
Logged
trytrytry
***
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
What is your relationship status with them: I'm remarried to Mr . Wonderful. Together 10 yr. now.
Posts: 131



« Reply #14 on: May 29, 2014, 02:28:50 PM »

I take the pledge, and my next year's goal is to be mindful of letting my DD28 find her own power.
Logged
hopeangel
***
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
What is your relationship status with them: married 10 years
Posts: 144



« Reply #15 on: May 30, 2014, 01:54:22 PM »

I pledge all too!  May I be strong but flexible (like the willow tree!  Smiling (click to insert in post)) in my boundaries this year!
Logged
Birdi

*
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Child
What is your relationship status with them: Married
Posts: 11



« Reply #16 on: July 02, 2014, 11:23:40 AM »

I take the pledge very thoughtfully.

I realize that a lot of water has gone under the bridge with my (38) DD, for both her and for the rest of the family, and no one will be healed overnight. I will commit to learning and implementing as much as I can about BPD, as well as helping others in the family. However, at the same time, I realize that others in the family have been greatly hurt by our BP, and I am not ultimately responsible for their attitudes to her. I can try to lead them by example, but I cannot make them have the right attitudes or responses, nor can I make them forgive.

Having said all of that, I will, to the very best of my ability learn as much as I can, take constructive criticism from my BPD family, try to lead my DD by my own example, seek her forgiveness where forgiveness is required. Some of these things I have already done. I think we will have some family counseling as part of her therapy in her dual-diagnosis program, and I look forward to that. 
Logged
twojaybirds
*****
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 622



« Reply #17 on: March 04, 2015, 08:04:15 AM »

I pledge and my next goal is to figure out holiday celebrations such as Christmas and Thanksgiving (in particular) where my needs and desires are met even if that means going away and throwing all traditions out the window.
Logged
verooca66

Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Child
Posts: 7


« Reply #18 on: March 20, 2015, 09:30:53 AM »

I accept all parts of the pledge.

My near term goal is to take my daughter's treatment to the next level. She is on medication and in individual therapy, but I feel that she needs to attend DBT in order to learn how to process information/feelings in a more normalized way.
Logged
Josie C

Offline Offline

Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Child
Posts: 7


« Reply #19 on: March 20, 2015, 09:48:59 PM »

My near term goal is to work on boundaries and limits so as to help resolve the resentment and anger that comes from me feeling like I'm being trampled on. 

A long term goal is DBT.  Dd20 is not on board (yet), but dh and I have begun a parent class.  It's a 4-hour round trip twice monthly, but if it helps it will be worth every minute.
Logged
HikerGran

Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Child
Posts: 8


« Reply #20 on: August 12, 2015, 09:13:10 PM »

I take the pledge and will continue to look at myself and modify my behavior to help her.
Logged
Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders
Lollypop
********
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Child
Posts: 1302



« Reply #21 on: March 23, 2016, 12:08:00 PM »

I do make this pledge.

My near term goal is to support my H while he deals with the realisation of where we are at. H is moving into acceptance.  Continue to maintain a stable environment for all my family while I learn and model new behaviours to them. Encourage BPDs25 to seek treatment as we continue to implement firm and realistic boundaries

L
Logged

     The most difficult thing in the world is to know how to do a thing & to watch someone else doing it wrong, without comment. ~ T.H. White
KittyGirl

Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Child
Posts: 6


« Reply #22 on: January 23, 2018, 07:23:23 AM »

I do accept and take on the pledge.
My next near-term goal is to establish limits, set boundaries, and figure out the best way to help both my daughter and myself.
Logged
mawie

Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Child
Posts: 3


« Reply #23 on: February 24, 2019, 03:55:34 PM »

I do accept and take on the pledge.
My next near-term goal is to establish limits, set boundaries, and figure out the best way to help both my daughter and myself.
Logged
Can You Help Us Stay on the Air in 2020?

Pages: [1]   Go Up
  Print  
 
Jump to:  

Our 2020 Financial Sponsors
We are all appreciative of the members who provide the funding to keep BPDFamily on the air.
40days_in_desert
Ahquei3s
alphabeta
ArtistGuy70
AskingWhy
At Bay
Avanzando
Beneck
bigredneck
Bittlecat
Boll Weevil
calmboom
Cat Familiar
Chosen
Dnmtnbkr
drained1996
Eggshellsbroken
FaithHopeLove
Forgiveness
GaGrl
ggGreg
Gift to Myself
gotbushels
Harri
Imatter33
Jazzy48
jdc
jones54
Katrinalove
LLgreen
Longterm
loyalwife
lucidone
Manifest32f
MariannaR
Methuen
mgirl
Minttea
Mommydoc
Mutt
narcdaughter2
NorseWoman
Notgoneyet
oceanheart
oftentimes
Omega1
Only Human
PeacefulMom
pest947
podsnapG
ProudDad12
pursuingJoy
Radcliff
Raul
Recycle
Resiliant
Rev
Rosheger
SamwizeGamgee
Sandalwood
SCM
SerendipityChild
SES
Skip
StillStuck
Swimmy55
Teno
truthbeknown
Ventak
vinnie77
wavewatcher
wendydarling
whirlpoollife
Wicker Man
WindofChange
worn_out
WTL
zaqsert

Powered by MySQL Powered by PHP Powered by SMF 1.1.21 | SMF © 2006-2020, Simple Machines Valid XHTML 1.0! Valid CSS!