My mother is in pain

[antonio1213]

My mother is in pain. I am 19 years old and I had a panic attack 2 hours ago after talking to my stepdad. I won't bore ever person here with the details of my family. It is really messed up. But here is a brief summary:

Mother has BPD badly, married her bf of 4 years last jan. He lives 45 min from her house and where her children go to school. Her oldest daughter is 16 (suspected BPD), does whatever she wants, lives mainly with her father (he is a sociopath). Her daughter is 16 dating a 19 year old jailbird. My dad leaves the country and leaves them at home by themselves. My mom has no power, can't do anything bc my sister will just run back to my dad.  Her marriage is ___ REALLY REALLY deteriorating so badly. I don't live with any of them.

Okay so I talked to my stepdad today and he told me how much turmoil my mother is in. She is broke, angry, and broken in every way imaginable. What really made me cry was when he told me this. My mother said this, "If there was a gun in the other room I would put it in my mouth and pull the trigger, but I don't have the guts". I am absolutely freaked out and I feel the pain everyone in my family feels. Every single person in my family is in pain, especially my mother. She puts on a mask every time I see her. Under it I can see her pain. She is literally going crazy with emotion and pain and I can't stand to see her like this. I don't know what to do. I don't know what the hell to do.

My stepdad is going to get a divorce, he literally can't handle it anymore.

[Rapt Reader]

Oh, antonio1213, I'm so sorry for all the pain and trauma you, your Mom and your whole family is in    It's terrible to see a loved one hurting so badly, self-destructing right before our very eyes, and not know what to do about it... .Everyone on this site knows first-hand how stressful that feels, and how confusing it is to try to help the situation.

Are you in school? If so, do you have access to a Guidance Counselor or Therapist? Even if you are not in school, do you have some sort of support system around you?  A Counselor? Friends, other--extended--family members who know of your situation and can give you guidance? It's really important for you to not have to have the whole weight of this situation on your shoulders... .

I hope you have the chance to read the links to the right-hand side of this page; it will give you a good understanding of how your Mom's mind works, and how to deal with it better. Have you read the book Understanding the Borderline Mother? That would also be helpful (as would this Article: Children of BPD Parents: Reclaiming Our Lost Selves).

I'm very glad you've found us, antonio1213... .Please tell us more of your situation, so we can better help you--this situation is too big to handle on your own