I'm not alone after all

[Hmcbart]

I am new to the site and have read some of the lessons already and they are really great.

The biggest eye opener for me has been realizing that I'm not alone. I have been reading  some of the posts from others and it's scary how much of what others are dealing with is the same with myself and my wife. I could copy and paste what others have said and my situation would be identical.

While there has been no clinical diagnosis for any of the things I have been through with my wife, I could just hand the forum posts to my therapist and say, "here, read this, this is my life, this is what I'm currently going through and have been for 19 years". I know that I may never be able to get her to understand why she should get help. I am finally learning that I was not the cause of every bad thing that's happened in our lives. I'm no saint and I have caused a few (no infidelity) but I have taken the blame for a lot more than I should have.

I was reading a post about wether or not people have changed because of everything they've been through. I remember my wife making a comment to me at a company function. She was not happy with the type of language I was using (I was navy, we used lots of adjectives). She told me that I was not the same person she thought I was, I was different around the people I work with. I didn't realize it until reading these posts that it was true. I was two different people. At work I'm fun, smart-zzz sometimes, out going, open and honest. At home I'm guarded and quiet, mostly trying to watch what I say or do to keep from causing her to get angry.

This may sound wrong or bad, but I'm glad I'm not the only one. For so many years, in my world I was. I wish that no one had to deal with any of this but it helps knowing others have been here before, survived and came out stronger. I guess it's the safety in numbers feeling.

I guess this was long way to say, thank you to everyone who comes on here and tells about their experience. Thank you for opening up your hearts and letting others hear that they are not alone. Thank you for letting me know that I'm not alone.

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Cat Familiar]

I'm glad you've found us and welcome. Keep posting your story. It's certainly helped me to know that others are going through some of the same crazymaking issues I've dealt with and it sounds like you already are aware of not making things worse. Learning how to use the tools has helped me communicate better and has stopped some of the crazy dysregulation that was a regular occurrence in our house.

[formflier]

She was not happy with the type of language I was using (I was navy, we used lots of adjectives).

I knew I liked you!  "adjectives... ."... .nice work.  I had two tours as a Skipper... .absolutely... hands down the best experience ever... .  Leading a group of Sailors... .that like to use "adjectives... " LMAO... .is awesome.

Quick story... .radar quit working in plane one day... .had been a frustrating problem.  One of my guys was troubleshooting it.  I asked if he cussed it... .he said yes Sir!... .but it didn't work.    I asked if he kicked the $hit out of it... .he said No sir!  stby for a minute.  He kicked it... .and it started working.  Amazing... .good stuff!

She told me that I was not the same person she thought I was, I was different around the people I work with. I didn't realize it until reading these posts that it was true. I was two different people. At work I'm fun, smart-zzz sometimes, out going, open and honest. At home I'm guarded and quiet, mostly trying to watch what I say or do to keep from causing her to get angry.

Me too... .my wife has noticed... and complained... .

Thank you for letting me know that I'm not alone.

It really does help... .

It also helps to use "adjectives"... .to describe it... .   

[Hmcbart]

I think knowing that I'm not on an island anymore and it isn't me helps a lot. I've believed it was all my fault for so long, you hear it enough and it starts to stick.

And a tag to your story, I just overheard my youngest (8) telling my oldest son (12) to "kick the ship out of it". I laughed my but off, then told them not to let their mother hear that.