i think i finally have closure.

[rapror496]

I have been having a hard time lately with my BPDex not telling me why she left. She sent me a letter today finally giving me a sense of closure even if it's completely crazy.

There’s one thing I want to say, so I’ll be brave

You were what I wanted

I gave what I gave

I’m not sorry I met you

I’m not sorry it’s over

I’m not sorry there’s nothing to save

"for some reason this quote really hit me. it made me feel bad that for whatever ever reason he couldn’t come back to earth but it was time to move on i couldn’t keep doing it i gave him chances he was lost and as my person says if something is soaring up and something is soaring down its gonna pull the thing soaring up down with it , i hope he is free now . i am so happy finally"

This letter is still complete b.s as she lost her home and is living at her new boyfriends house. But I guess it's something

[JRT]

Its rather odd I thought... .is there any reading between the lines?

[jhkbuzz]

It's a really, really strange letter.

[Mike-X]

I have been having a hard time lately with my BPDex not telling me why she left. She sent me a letter today finally giving me a sense of closure even if it's completely crazy.

There’s one thing I want to say, so I’ll be brave

You were what I wanted

I gave what I gave

I’m not sorry I met you

I’m not sorry it’s over

I’m not sorry there’s nothing to save

"for some reason this quote really hit me. it made me feel bad that for whatever ever reason he couldn’t come back to earth but it was time to move on i couldn’t keep doing it i gave him chances he was lost and as my person says if something is soaring up and something is soaring down its gonna pull the thing soaring up down with it , i hope he is free now . i am so happy finally"

This letter is still complete b.s as she lost her home and is living at her new boyfriends house. But I guess it's something

Is it the typical guilt-ridden "I had to let you go, because I am not worth of being loved" goodbye letter? Are you supposed to be soaring high now that she, a person with low-esteem who doesn't feel that she is worthy of your love, is no longer trying to pull you down? Is she now "happy" that she is not hurting you?

[rapror496]

That's what I thought. I found out through a mutual Friend that her new guy is extremely odd. Very narcissistic The first part of the  letter is a part of one of his favourite songs. It doesn't look like her writing style at all... I don't know I'm assuming something weird Is going on but I don't really care anymore.

I think she's trying to say she is the one doing well. She's convinced everyone shes successful. But She barely makes more than minimum wage an  is loaded with debt. She does have a mortgage free house and MY 2014 prius so who knows what's going through her head.

She sent this afterr threatening me with a restraining order.?  I'm assuming she or whoever really wrote it Is trying to justify their crap idk it's still insane

I also don't know why she won't adress me by name

[Mike-X]

Touched a sensitive spot in me, because I was told similar things many times. In response to such things, once told my gf that "I love you, and I understand what you are saying. However, you should make decisions for you, and you should allow me to make my own decisions about whether I want to or should stay in this relationship. I want to stay, because I love you."

[Mike-X]

That's what I thought. I found out through a mutual Friend that her new guy is extremely odd. Very narcissistic The first part of the  letter is a part of one of his favourite songs. It doesn't look like her writing style at all... I don't know I'm assuming something weird Is going on but I don't really care anymore.

I think she's trying to say she is the one doing well. She's convinced everyone shes successful. But She barely makes more than minimum wage an  is loaded with debt. She does have a mortgage free house and MY 2014 prius so who knows what's going through her head.

She sent this afterr threatening me with a restraining order.?  I'm assuming she or whoever really wrote it Is trying to justify their crap idk it's still insane

I also don't know why she won't adress me by name

so sorry to hear about the craziness. But restraining order threats, taking your car, all say stay away, and continue to be careful and protect yourself.

[rapror496]

Thanks Mike. I'm really done with it all I bought the car under her name as she had better credit I was with her on and off for five years an  thought I could trust her. 40,000 later and I feel like  an idiot. It's not like I have money either. I work 2 minimum wage jobs and save everything. The setback is huge. And she's trying to say it's not her fault. I don't care why she sent the letter anymore I have one more semester of college and then I'm going to law school. I want out before she ruins my future as well. It's just hard.

[eyvindr]

Sorry you're going through this, rapror. Good sign, thought, that you're recognizing the weirdness in all of this. Should be an alert for you.

I agree with Mike-X. Stay strong.

I also don't know why she won't address me by name.

My guess is that it's easier for pwBPD to objectify partners from failed r-ships if they avoid using names. Names are personal. I don't think they really hate us, for the most part -- but they hate what we represent, which post-r-ship, is failure.

[Mike-X]

Thanks Mike. I'm really done with it all I bought the car under her name as she had better credit I was with her on and off for five years an  thought I could trust her. 40,000 later and I feel like  an idiot. It's not like I have money either. I work 2 minimum wage jobs and save everything. The setback is huge. And she's trying to say it's not her fault. I don't care why she sent the letter anymore I have one more semester of college and then I'm going to law school. I want out before she ruins my future as well. It's just hard.

Congratulations on getting into law school! Sounds like you have a great future ahead of you.

[eyvindr]

It sounds like you're doing your best to follow your gut, rapror --

I want out before she ruins my future as well. It's just hard.

Sorry to hear about the car and the mess -- the level of entitlement that some people have really does make it harder to just let go of this stuff. But you're on a good trajectory -- stay on it.

[downwhim]

I just got closure too. I called him. He was upbeat said he did not hack into my computer and take my files or my pictures and I needed to go to my IT person at work. That was it done, distant could have cared less. 4 months almost N/C. Sad, depressed, needed closure and I got it. So much for my ruminating.