we've been married for 4.5 years and two weeks ago i got hit with the fact that she found someone else, she is in full BPD, right now. We have 3 children and are seperating. she says she needs time. i have given her space, written nice notes, tried to be understanding and compationate. I just want to know if she could come back and if she did, start therapy. she started therapy once 2yrs ago and stopped. stop going and quit taking meds. when she was going and on the meds, it was great. the kids were happier and so was her and i. Just confused.
I'm sorry to hear about what happen with your wife man, that must be hard to wrap your brain around. Some say betrayal is harder emotionally than losing a child so please take some time to look out for yourself rather than focusing on her. Writing nice notes and being compassionate is nice and all but if your wife is in the FOG of another man right now the marriage won't work until he is out of the picture. If you are separating, and I can only assume that is her request not yours, that makes you a back up plan to the other man. Being a back up plan is no way to live and you deserve more. Now I also have 3 kids so I can appreciate you wanting to keep the family together but that can be along painful journey and one that may not end with what you want. Please take time to learn more about BPD and how to communicate with someone. Meds don't treat BPD from what I understand, extensive psychotherapy is what she needs and it doesn't sound like she wants that and you can't make her. I feel for you man and I wish you the best. I know you are devastated but your kids need you so focus on them and you for a time until things calm down and become a little more clear about what you want to do.
