Do BPD's enjoy drama?

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

WOW yes! My ex could create drama out of thin air, it was amazing. In T I realised that one of the main things I missed about her after the b/u was the drama! No boring conversations about "what did you have for lunch" for us, with her every conversation was about some self inflicted drama in her life. She was a part time teacher and she could talk and fret about not getting student's work corrected, I swear, if she spent the time that she talked about it just correcting the work she would have finished it but no, we sat up in bed until 4am correcting it and it still wasn't finished. Early on in the r/s her dad called and she didn't answer the phone, she spent the next few hours worrying about whether or not she should have answered it. It was unreal, never seen anything like it!

[drummerboy]

WOW yes! My ex could create drama out of thin air, it was amazing. In T I realised that one of the main things I missed about her after the b/u was the drama! No boring conversations about "what did you have for lunch" for us, with her every conversation was about some self inflicted drama in her life. She was a part time teacher and she could talk and fret about not getting student's work corrected, I swear, if she spent the time that she talked about it just correcting the work she would have finished it but no, we sat up in bed until 4am correcting it and it still wasn't finished. Early on in the r/s her dad called and she didn't answer the phone, she spent the next few hours worrying about whether or not she should have answered it. It was unreal, never seen anything like it!

[myself]

Not much evidence pwBPD actually enjoy much of anything.

[rickdeckard]

Yes. Or maybe "enjoy" isnt the correct term. Its just something that is such a common part of life that without chaos things are not... .right... .

Imagine that you live in the middle of a minefield.

And everyone that gets close is expected to be blown apart/not give up/give up/try to kill you. Because you set the minefield and give no person the map - you didnt make one.

The minefield is something you set to protect yourself.

But you are now trapped inside.

And always want someone to come closer and will invite them.

Because you want desperately for someone to get through.

But they can't.

There is no map to the minefield.

No matter how hard someone tries, they will step the wrong way.

That is the chaos that becomes the norm.

Destroying all that come close, even though you want them to be close.

Now it is part of life, and without that things don't seem quite... .right.

And trying to change that mindset induces a very strong fear, a fear of destruction of self.

Fear of death.

Beccause it is a part of you.

[neverloveagain]

Yes. Mine couldn't function without the chaos and crazy. If our lives started to be some what normal and stable she would tip the scale and invite chaos or create chaos ... .but of course it was my fault things were so crazy. She would always say she wanted a normal, calm life. Whenever it got calm and normal she would stir it up and all hell would break loose.

ditto my friends.

[Deeno02]

Yep. and Chaos. Cant forget that... .

[going places]

Just thinking back to my relationship with my ex BPD fiancee... .

One thing I remembered about her is that she seemed to enjoy having a drama in her life, whether between us, work or her family.  She then gossip to her friend or mother, sometimes using some issues which I would have rather preferred she had kept to herself. It was like she thrived on this. It may explain why she loved watching the Jeremy Kyle Show 

Is this a common trait of BPD?

I don't know if it is a common trait, but I can assure you of this:

When you eliminate drama queens from your life AND add no more... .

It's wonderful.

The air up here is amazing.

Not to mention your body gets a break. Your adrenal glands get to rest. Your system is not full of cortisol.

Your organs don't have to work double time to break down / use / eliminate all of the chemicals your brain is dumping because of the DRAMA.

I spent 25 years with an "ALL EYES ON ME ALL THE TIME" type... .now that I am rid of that nonsense, I will live to be 100!

[mitchell16]

yes! life full drama. if it wasnt something I was doing wrong it was a conflict or worried about something or someone else that had nothing to do with us or her for that matter. She was always in some sort of conflict at her job. " someone was alway jealous of her or out to get her" I started noticing the patterns with us, we were either in the honeymoon stage for about 3 weeks, where we was consumed with around the clock crazy wild sex, partying, taking trips and making future plans and then once that settled down we started with her creating drama which lasted anywhere from 2 weeks to 3 weeks and ended with a break up, in which we would stay apart for about the same duration and during that time we was spent involved in the " chase" then it would start all over again with the honeymoon. This wnet on almost the whole 3 years after the first 3 or 4 months in the beginning of our relationship so Im not sure if they love drama but they have to have it in their lives. why? Im not sure.

[CloseToFreedom]

yes! life full drama. if it wasnt something I was doing wrong it was a conflict or worried about something or someone else that had nothing to do with us or her for that matter. She was always in some sort of conflict at her job. " someone was alway jealous of her or out to get her" I started noticing the patterns with us, we were either in the honeymoon stage for about 3 weeks, where we was consumed with around the clock crazy wild sex, partying, taking trips and making future plans and then once that settled down we started with her creating drama which lasted anywhere from 2 weeks to 3 weeks and ended with a break up, in which we would stay apart for about the same duration and during that time we was spent involved in the " chase" then it would start all over again with the honeymoon. This wnet on almost the whole 3 years after the first 3 or 4 months in the beginning of our relationship so Im not sure if they love drama but they have to have it in their lives. why? Im not sure.

Very recognisable. There was always someone at work out to get her, irritating, or not functioning right. One of her 'friends' was always trouble, until she would cut her out of her life eventually. Rinse and repeat.

Its also how the relationship went, I see that now. Honeymoon phase (at first a few months, later a few weeks), neutral period, devaluation. Repeat, repeat. Crazy train!

[Popcorn71]

In my experience, they cannot live without drama.  :)uring the 9 years I spent with my xBPDh we had very little calm, normal, times.  Most of the drama was created by him.  It was as though, if we had no problems, he would find some.  He could not relax and enjoy peace and quiet, although he said this was what he wanted.  If we went through a peaceful few weeks, he would always find work that needed doing, or things that friends needed his help with something, or just pick on my kids and cause a row.  He also moved out several times, at the drop of a hat and then begged me to take him back a few days later.  He couldn't just enjoy a normal, carefree life.

Now, a couple of years later, just as it would seem that he should be settling down in a new home with the replacement and enjoying some quiet time together - he is creating more trouble.  He has been out fighting in bars, he looks a complete mess and his living conditions are what he always said he didn't want, with her large extended family living in caravans in his garden and him having no privacy.

In contrast, I have such a peaceful and happy life now, that I wonder why I put up with his 'drama' for so long.  I guess I didn't make the connection between him and trouble and thought we just had bad luck.

[Technique]

During any period of relative 'calm' mine would engage in behaviours to try and initiate 'jealousy' from me.

Needless to say she was ridiculously jealous of any of my female friends. After only a couple of week into the relationship she freaked out at a concert we went to as a group, because she said I was 'dancing too close' to an old dear female friend of mine. At the time idiot here took it as a 'compliment' that this hot woman was so 'crazy' about me. In retrospect of course it was all part of her sick plan to manipulate me into a place she wanted me to be (which she most certainly did... )

Anyway, back to the original subject...

Several months later (and after one of those 'periods of calm' I was at her place and this journal suddenly appeared from nowhere (I had been with her for at least 5 months by this point and I had never seen it before) While she was reading it in front of me she was smiling and mumbling the odd comment. Thing is, I knew what she was up to, so I said nothing. The next day she was working late so she let me have her key so I could let myself in.

On her bed I found the said journal with a piece of paper (strategically) sticking out of it. Again, I knew exactly what her game was. I totally ignored it. That evening she again flicked through it with the same sighs and hopes that I would say something. This time I did ask and she gleefully informed me it was a dating journal from around ten years ago.

I asked her to read some of it to me (what the heck, the past is the past, right?) Her face immediately dropped before she informed me in no uncertain terms that it was a PRIVATE matter of her past... Fair enough I said...

She gained nothing from the exercise... But I gained a lot! (Why oh why did I stay with this woman?)

[drummerboy]

What is it with the jealousy thing? My ex wanted nothing to do with old female school friends that I've known for 30+ years. One night she had a dream that I slept with a mutual friend and after that it was as if it was a fact that I had slept with her! Then after the b/u she got in contact with this mutual friend and smeared the hell out of me. Crazy, crazy!

During any period of relative 'calm' mine would engage in behaviours to try and initiate 'jealousy' from me.

Needless to say she was ridiculously jealous of any of my female friends. After only a couple of week into the relationship she freaked out at a concert we went to as a group, because she said I was 'dancing too close' to an old dear female friend of mine. At the time idiot here took it as a 'compliment' that this hot woman was so 'crazy' about me. In retrospect of course it was all part of her sick plan to manipulate me into a place she wanted me to be (which she most certainly did... )

Anyway, back to the original subject...

Several months later (and after one of those 'periods of calm' I was at her place and this journal suddenly appeared from nowhere (I had been with her for at least 5 months by this point and I had never seen it before) While she was reading it in front of me she was smiling and mumbling the odd comment. Thing is, I knew what she was up to, so I said nothing. The next day she was working late so she let me have her key so I could let myself in.

On her bed I found the said journal with a piece of paper (strategically) sticking out of it. Again, I knew exactly what her game was. I totally ignored it. That evening she again flicked through it with the same sighs and hopes that I would say something. This time I did ask and she gleefully informed me it was a dating journal from around ten years ago.

I asked her to read some of it to me (what the heck, the past is the past, right?) Her face immediately dropped before she informed me in no uncertain terms that it was a PRIVATE matter of her past... Fair enough I said...

She gained nothing from the exercise... But I gained a lot! (Why oh why did I stay with this woman?)