In the final stretch. Will power don't fail me now.

[Beware of Junk Psychology...]

After multiple delays (including a legitimate break for a full-on mental/emotional breakdown), my ex is finally back to submit the last of the divorce papers and pick up her stuff.  Once the papers are submitted, it's just a matter of flying her back again once a court date has been set (2-3 weeks usually).  Seems simple enough, right?

Of course not, 24 hours in and I am already stressed in ways I haven't been in six months.

First, she missed her connection, so I spent hours sitting around waiting (already decided I won't be picking her up next time).

Then she proceeds to spend dinner (it was late, and we were both hungry), the drive home, and subsequent time moving her bags into the house love bombing, and expressing her hope for our future, like there was no tomorrow.  I finally escaped, glad I had my room in the extended stay booked in advance.  The experience was a little stressing, but I was able to unwind watching some basketball back at the hotel.

Morning rolls around, and before I've finished my oatmeal my phone beeps with a text message.  I glance at it, decide it's not worthy of a response, and finish breakfast.  Off to the shower, and I hear two more text message beeps from my phone.  Then ringing.  Then my work phone ringing.  Then my personal phone again.  That's 3 calls and 4 texts before I'm out of the shower.

Finally call her back when I'm on the way to work, and, after listening to her rambling about bad water in the fridge, make it clear that I have a busy day in the office.  Still the texts begin in waves within 30 minutes, those worthy of response get one when I have time.  Most are ignored.  Then the first call comes around 9:30 AM.

Distracted by the dog in the back seat she has managed to scratch and dent the lower side panel on the car I am selling as soon as the divorce is finalized.  Oh Joy!  Great start.

Some back and forth regarding the car, and I try to get back to work.  The boss knows I have this going on, but I'm not the type to duck responsibilities.  There are things that I really need to get done before the weekend.  Yet, the texts and calls continue.  95% are pointless and ignored, but I can feel my blood pressure rise with every ring and beep.  By the end of the work day I am physically exhausted.  Physical exhaustion should not result from a day spent behind a desk! 

My employees don't know whether to laugh or comfort me.  My dBPD exW is lapping the uBPDh of one of my employees.  His constant needy texts/calls (a running joke amongst the employees) are barely noticeable by comparison. I am exhausted and ready to collapse by the time I lock up for the weekend.  I haven't felt this way in months.

Thankfully, as I head out in search of dinner, she informs me that her phone is dying and she doesn't have her charger at the moment.  Finally a respite! Now in the peace of my hotel room, I count the calls and text.  55+ texts and 10 calls in less than 10 HOURS!

Unwinding in front of the TV, my phone beeps and my entire body tenses.  It's a friend checking to see how I'm holding up.  Relief.  But with each subsequent beep signalling his response, I feel my blood pressure rise.

This is day one.  She'll be in town through Wednesday.  I plan on having a long talk with her about boundaries later this evening.  I know I can't take 5 more days of this.

[ADecadeLost]

After multiple delays (including a legitimate break for a full-on mental/emotional breakdown), my ex is finally back to submit the last of the divorce papers and pick up her stuff.  Once the papers are submitted, it's just a matter of flying her back again once a court date has been set (2-3 weeks usually).  Seems simple enough, right?

Of course not, 24 hours in and I am already stressed in ways I haven't been in six months.

First, she missed her connection, so I spent hours sitting around waiting (already decided I won't be picking her up next time).

Then she proceeds to spend dinner (it was late, and we were both hungry), the drive home, and subsequent time moving her bags into the house love bombing, and expressing her hope for our future, like there was no tomorrow.  I finally escaped, glad I had my room in the extended stay booked in advance.  The experience was a little stressing, but I was able to unwind watching some basketball back at the hotel.

Morning rolls around, and before I've finished my oatmeal my phone beeps with a text message.  I glance at it, decide it's not worthy of a response, and finish breakfast.  Off to the shower, and I hear two more text message beeps from my phone.  Then ringing.  Then my work phone ringing.  Then my personal phone again.  That's 3 calls and 4 texts before I'm out of the shower.

Finally call her back when I'm on the way to work, and, after listening to her rambling about bad water in the fridge, make it clear that I have a busy day in the office.  Still the texts begin in waves within 30 minutes, those worthy of response get one when I have time.  Most are ignored.  Then the first call comes around 9:30 AM.

Distracted by the dog in the back seat she has managed to scratch and dent the lower side panel on the car I am selling as soon as the divorce is finalized.  Oh Joy!  Great start.

Some back and forth regarding the car, and I try to get back to work.  The boss knows I have this going on, but I'm not the type to duck responsibilities.  There are things that I really need to get done before the weekend.  Yet, the texts and calls continue.  95% are pointless and ignored, but I can feel my blood pressure rise with every ring and beep.  By the end of the work day I am physically exhausted.  Physical exhaustion should not result from a day spent behind a desk! 

My employees don't know whether to laugh or comfort me.  My dBPD exW is lapping the uBPDh of one of my employees.  His constant needy texts/calls (a running joke amongst the employees) are barely noticeable by comparison. I am exhausted and ready to collapse by the time I lock up for the weekend.  I haven't felt this way in months.

Thankfully, as I head out in search of dinner, she informs me that her phone is dying and she doesn't have her charger at the moment.  Finally a respite! Now in the peace of my hotel room, I count the calls and text.  55+ texts and 10 calls in less than 10 HOURS!

Unwinding in front of the TV, my phone beeps and my entire body tenses.  It's a friend checking to see how I'm holding up.  Relief.  But with each subsequent beep signalling his response, I feel my blood pressure rise.

This is day one.  She'll be in town through Wednesday.  I plan on having a long talk with her about boundaries later this evening.  I know I can't take 5 more days of this.

[jhkbuzz]

After multiple delays (including a legitimate break for a full-on mental/emotional breakdown), my ex is finally back to submit the last of the divorce papers and pick up her stuff.  Once the papers are submitted, it's just a matter of flying her back again once a court date has been set (2-3 weeks usually).  Seems simple enough, right?

Of course not, 24 hours in and I am already stressed in ways I haven't been in six months.

First, she missed her connection, so I spent hours sitting around waiting (already decided I won't be picking her up next time).

Then she proceeds to spend dinner (it was late, and we were both hungry), the drive home, and subsequent time moving her bags into the house love bombing, and expressing her hope for our future, like there was no tomorrow.  I finally escaped, glad I had my room in the extended stay booked in advance.  The experience was a little stressing, but I was able to unwind watching some basketball back at the hotel.

Morning rolls around, and before I've finished my oatmeal my phone beeps with a text message.  I glance at it, decide it's not worthy of a response, and finish breakfast.  Off to the shower, and I hear two more text message beeps from my phone.  Then ringing.  Then my work phone ringing.  Then my personal phone again.  That's 3 calls and 4 texts before I'm out of the shower.

Finally call her back when I'm on the way to work, and, after listening to her rambling about bad water in the fridge, make it clear that I have a busy day in the office.  Still the texts begin in waves within 30 minutes, those worthy of response get one when I have time.  Most are ignored.  Then the first call comes around 9:30 AM.

Distracted by the dog in the back seat she has managed to scratch and dent the lower side panel on the car I am selling as soon as the divorce is finalized.  Oh Joy!  Great start.

Some back and forth regarding the car, and I try to get back to work.  The boss knows I have this going on, but I'm not the type to duck responsibilities.  There are things that I really need to get done before the weekend.  Yet, the texts and calls continue.  95% are pointless and ignored, but I can feel my blood pressure rise with every ring and beep.  By the end of the work day I am physically exhausted.  Physical exhaustion should not result from a day spent behind a desk! 

My employees don't know whether to laugh or comfort me.  My dBPD exW is lapping the uBPDh of one of my employees.  His constant needy texts/calls (a running joke amongst the employees) are barely noticeable by comparison. I am exhausted and ready to collapse by the time I lock up for the weekend.  I haven't felt this way in months.

Thankfully, as I head out in search of dinner, she informs me that her phone is dying and she doesn't have her charger at the moment.  Finally a respite! Now in the peace of my hotel room, I count the calls and text.  55+ texts and 10 calls in less than 10 HOURS!

Unwinding in front of the TV, my phone beeps and my entire body tenses.  It's a friend checking to see how I'm holding up.  Relief.  But with each subsequent beep signalling his response, I feel my blood pressure rise.

This is day one.  She'll be in town through Wednesday.  I plan on having a long talk with her about boundaries later this evening.  I know I can't take 5 more days of this.

This is tough, but since you can't control her behavior, have you considered turning off your phone for several hours at a time?  It's only for the next few days... .

[ADecadeLost]

One of the two phones is a work phone.  It stays on 24 hours a day.  When the personal line is off, she'll just go for that.

I did speak with her this evening though.  Exhausted and didn't go about it the right way as a result (brought it up in the presence of her mother), but made my point.  Don't expect her to bother me tomorrow.  Also saw the scratch & dent on the car.  Bad enough I'll be calling the insurance company tomorrow.  That's going to be a headache.

Then to top it off, I popped the wrong guide on my beard trimmer back at the hotel and didn't notice until it was too late.  My once thick beard is now stubble  :'(.

Going to bed before anything else can go wrong.  Hopefully some time on the water tomorrow morning will make everything right again (if only temporarily).

Sigh... .

[Tibbles]

That sounds really tough, at least you have a day when she will be gone again. Can you give her a specific ringtone so when it goes you know its her and can just ignore. At least then when its a work related call you will know that before you get to the phone. Might help with the nerves, might not too. Hang in there x x

[ADecadeLost]

The boundaries talk last night seemed to do the trick.  Spent 6 hours in the kayak today without a beep from the phone.  Texted her when I got off the water as promised.  She replied once and then waited patiently for me to schedule a time for us to meet to discuss some things this evening.

Paddling melted the stress away.  Wish it could have expedited my beard growing back or the car repairs, but I'll take what I can get.  The later problems are minor in comparison and will be resolved in due time.