Stalking,breaking into the house with a hammer - being sent to jail for 18 m

[maasika]

I made the mistake to give a second chance to a man who left me suddenly for another woman,whom he was with for 4 months,a time during which he never ceased to contact me. I m his longest ever relationship,6 years.A lot for a man whose average is 5 months!I m very close to his family,which is why I gave him a second chance,and how stupid I feel

He harassed the woman when things ended,to the point of stalking her,breaking into her house with a hammer and being sent to jail for 18 months... .

Ge wrote and called me from there,even more than he did for his parents... We were devastated... but little did I know that it was the 4th time he was put behind bars for the same reason... .

When he came out I hesitantly agreed to give him a second chance.On the condition he would seek therapy and address his alcohol problem... Which he never did,instead started to drink more!Blaming me for upsetting him... or blaming it on the usual "I m bored/feel empty inside".

Then on xmas day it all went wrong.we were with his family.He was odd the whole month,hyper/drinking/then distant and robot like... really cold,never saw him like that before... he said crazy things,like if I died,he would maybe be sad 2 days,then he would go on his road.Then he would be all over me the next day,i think because he knew I wanted to leave him.Then on a nite out ,he kissed his gay friend on the lips in front of me,saying it was just a joke,and to prove his point did it 3 more times!... A week later he started to give me the silent treatment all of a sudden!Refusing to end or not end our rel when i called him,telling me he was being quiet,busy doing his own things,that he was ok,and to not worry about him!So I put an end to it,more than enough is more than enough.

no closure is tough.But to be devalued so badly when you give someone who betrayed you a second chance is damaging...

What worries me now is that he would decide to contact me in future,as I never want to see him again. Moreover I m worried about his stalking past... Yet he never stalked me nor was he ever physically violent towards me.I wonder why he did not cross the line with me.But Thank God or that!I ve seen sides to him,from Jekyl to Hyde.But he has had in the last while more mood swings than ever,he s been more agitated and obsessed with his hobbies to the point of psychosis.Maybe he s having a rough patch... or getting more ill... .And totally self-centered.dAnd one day loving the next cold as ice... .I ve seen the man behind the mask,and it will leave a scar for life.No third chance that's for sure.Is stalking common with BPD?If so,do you think I m safe from him trying to make contact?Thank you.May peace and light be with you all.

[Wood stock]

Our stories are similar... .my BPD ex gets out of jail in a few days. (He was serving a 120 sentence out of state for a second DUI).  I tried being there for him through this, but he actually broke up with me and said some really horrible things to me over the phone WHILE HE WAS IN JAIL... .while I was at home taking care of his little girl who isn't even my child! So... .I said that's it--and so did my family--after he ordered me to take the child to his Mommy's (again) and after I had to then be berated by his mother--my family and I put all of his belongings in storage (we lived in MY house) and I blocked his bull___ calls from jail, and I started the process of detaching. He gets out in a few days, and while I have made it clear that there is to be no contact, we will see if he listens.

We are both professional people (well, I am--he lost a $160,000/year job), and his shananigans have gone on for nearly two years. And I have taken him back time and time again. Well not this time... .and that will make me the bad guy. And make him angry. And I'm kind of scared. Keep me posted on what happens with your situation. Ugh... .it's awful.

[maasika]

thank you for your answer,I hope he stays away from you.It's so destructive to have such people in one's life.

Mine has so far not given any signs,first time ever he's quiet for so long.The silent treatment happened so suddenly,it is shocking!

I wonder did he feel he crossed a line,and just "drop" me out of shame,sth he never faces.or because he got a new job,and feels like a king,and does not need me anymore,or a woman!

He was odd the last weeks,mood swings:hyper/drunk/delusional even/angry/then ice cold,robot like... .I knew he was derailing.no thanks for the xmas present I gave him,then insulted me in a sudden fit of rage,telling me all he hates about me,and that what he hated the most was that I thanked his parents for the xmas dinner !

Then within seconds he turned white as I told him I was not going to take abuse from him,and went out like a stressed child to build me a snowman!

he shut in on xmas day,ignored me and his family and spent the whole day practicing his hobby,obsessive he was... .

Noone deserves this,especially when we have saved them so many times.

But fear is that they ll contact again... I learned from giving him a second chance,that they only come back to treat you worse.

when he was in jail,he only contacted his parents and I.yet upon release,he ran to his "friends" ,and treated the 3 of us worse than ever... .So be strong this time.

i believe he never loved me,never cared,but used me for 6 years.

he has damaged my self worth,made me feel like a second hand object,yet without me or his parents he would be on the street or worse... I ve grown to hate him,and that s not like me... .Being with them can make you develop some of their ugly traits,so that alone tells us to close that door securely.

When i think of him,all I hear is "I need","I want" "I feel rage" "I feel empty" ":)eep down I m not a nice person,I turn my back on everyone" "I love you,cos you're mine" "you love me"... sums it all up,All is wrong there.Stay strong ,love and light to you.