Was my ex BPD?

[johnsmith8686]

Hello,

I apologise for my long post in advance. I broke up with my GF 3 months ago today. It has been extremely hard and depressing, so much so I have been seeing a pyschologist to help me through it. I am 26 and so is my ex. We were together for a year. The pyschologist has suggested to me (though has emphasised that it is just a guess and not a professional opionion that my ex gf was BPD).

I have been trying to analyse the relationship in my mind, as I feel so low and lost right now. I wanted to get your guys opinions on this.

It is best to clarify why we broke up. In November I told her how a girl had tried to kiss me, I had said no and walked off. I asked her if something similar happened to her. She said yes and after some questions, told me she gave a guy her number 2 months prior at a friends birthday. She didnt know his name, thought he was disgusting and deleted the text he sent her the next day. Over a course of a week it came out that she did know his name (he was a friend of a friend), he was attractive, they had left a bar together and she gave him the number in case he tried to kiss her again. They did not go home together supposely. I also found the text was still on the phone and he had tried setting up a date. Her friend tried to set them up 2 weeks later. I couldnt let it go and she dumped be because I didnt respect her or her privacy (fair enough).

I regretted my actions and called her, she seemed very happy to here the male voice until she realised it was me. She told me she had messaged this guy to apologise as I had asked her during the argument to message him asking him what actually happened that night. I wrote a letter 2 weeks later saying how I had been put on anti-depressents and sleeping pills and be reffered to a pyschologist. She told me she laughed at the letter. If I was to contact her again, she would call the police. I havent.

To avoid a long set of text I will list the main points of the relationship which suggest to me she may have BPD.

•   She drank a lot. She said she drank as she couldn’t cope. 5 times in our relationship she had passed out drunk on the floor (I wasn’t there).

•   She is a high achiever- best university and now a doctor.

•   I am a police officer and so was her ex (I have read BPD are attracted to protective careers).

•   She had multiple unprotected one night stands after a breakup of a four year relationship, 10 in total; she got pregnant off of one of them but continued to do it. Once went home with 5 guys but only slept with one.

•   The psychologist suggests the above is a form of self harming, as a doctor she would know the dangers of unprotected vaginal and anal one night stands with multiple partners.

•   Used to slap me quite a lot. I told her if it happens again I will end it, she said “but what happens if I do it without knowing it”?

•   Two times I had tried to end it; she cried and cried begging me “please don’t leave me”.

•   Told me the thing happened with the guy because she was lonely (I had gone to spend the weekend with my older brother who had just been through a bad breakup.

•   A few mood swings where she would get very angry, then cry when I was annoyed saying I was going to leave her.

•   Very selfish with money, I pretty much paid for everything.

•   Initiated sex on the third date, telling me I didn’t need to wear a condom.

•   Would constantly spend free time with her family, always wanted to please them.

•   Fell in love very quick and wanted to get engaged after 5 months, wanted to spend a lot of time with me which was difficult due to our professions, then would get annoyed when I couldn’t as I was working.

•   Went from being best friends with the girl who tried to set her up with the guy to hating her due to it, saying she was a disgusting human being.

•   Hated her ex of 4.5 years, only bad thing she could say about him was that he made fun out of her make up once.

•   In regards to the above, when I asked if she slapped him at all, her reply was “I remember him saying something about that”.

•   Announced on facebook that we had broken up and how I had used her.

•   Extremely sweet and caring, almost motherly of me at the beginning. Always wanting to fulfil any sexual desire, wanted to give me massages, cooking for me all the time, telling me how good I was to her.


What do you guy's think? Am I right in assuming that there was more to the story about the guy than she let on? How do I get over this and why does she not seem to care at all now?

[raisins3142]

Can't really diagnose from a list over the internet at all, especially a layman, but it sounds like she has cluster B traits.

Even if my ex does not "officially" have BPD, she has enough traits that I recognize her and our relationship in other posts here and others nod their head and find similarity with myself.

So, that is enough for me to know she has traits that were bothersome and they seem to be on the spectrum toward BPD.  I suppose that is enough.  Tipping over to the binary category is not as useful as I once thought.  This thing isn't like HIV where you have it or not.