Too close to home

[Woolspinner2000]

I was getting ready to leave a coffee shop today when I walked by a group of 5 people: 3 teen girls aged about 15 to 17 and what appeared to be a mom and dad. I saw the tears and heard the shaky voice of one girl hopelessly saying, "What am I supposed to do?" as I walked by. She tried to move farther away from the woman who must've been her mom and closer to the man. His head was down, he never spoke, never stood up for the young girl. He was avoiding.

From the other end of the store now as I put my coat on, I watched the mom. She had her bony finger in the crying girl's face while the other 2 girls looked on and then away uncomfortably. Somehow I knew and waited for the other familiar gestures that would come next, and yes, there they were. That pointed finger right near the face, and even though I couldn't hear the conversation, instinctively it all came back to me for I knew what my uBPDm had said so many times before, "Now you listen to me!" She reminded me of my uBPDm, in her stylish black clothes, hairstyle, and attitude. She walked by as if there wasn't anything wrong. She'd even given the girls little hugs before she left but they clearly were still very distressed.

It's amazing how the subconscious brings it all back, even when you can't recall it on your own initially. Yet it was right there below the surface, that having been there so many times before instant knowing. I grieved for those girls. We all know and have been there. How sad.

I wish I could've done something to help the girls feel better.

Wools

[tjay933]

hopefully they will find this site and we can help them

[HappyChappy]

It is funny what triggeres us. What is it with the finger pointing ? I shall carry a copy of "walking on eggs shells" so when I meet the girls I can say "It would be a shame to throw this away - do you want it ?" . 

[Woolspinner2000]

What a great idea, HappyChappy.  I often carry my "Surviving a Borderline Parent" book around with me to read when I have some spare time at the coffee shop. It's a very clever idea to keep a book about BPD handy. And yes, Tjay, I hope they find this site. 

Even with the triggering it was good for me to see this interaction because I now recognize that it is wrong for a parent to treat a child this way, and to do so in front of friends and in public? I'm stepping away from the normalizing of my past in my own mind to see it for what it is, finally.

Wools

[Harri]

Wools, you could have business type cards printed up with this website listed!  Just pass them out, leave them on windshields, etc.   It would be cheaper than giving out books (says the person on a very tight budget!)

Even with the triggering it was good for me to see this interaction because I now recognize that it is wrong for a parent to treat a child this way, and to do so in front of friends and in public? I'm stepping away from the normalizing of my past in my own mind to see it for what it is, finally.

And kudos to you for taking a trigger and using it to further your healing!   

[Woolspinner2000]

Harri,

What a great idea!  I understand the tight budget too these days. Thank you for sharing that, and also for the kudos.   

I had an interesting memory recall today, one that connects what I saw in the coffee shop to a long ago series of memories. You know, those ones we don't like to remember. While the memories are always challenging to have come up, they are first of all a validation that I'm correct in my assessments of my uBPDm, and second the memories allow me to walk through one more step of dealing with the stuff.

Wools