Quick recap:
Together with uBPDgf almost five years, D turned 3 in December.
Broke up in Sept, I never asked to get back together.
First couple months communication was good.
Dec - she "inadvertently" sent me a text meant for her new BF that indicated she was introducing him to our D. I request several times to talk about the situation, she finally responded that her personal life was off limits of conversation.
Communication which had been easy and polite to this point ceases except for a couple schedule issues with our D. I didn't bother trying to contact her.
Jan - she moves in with new BF. I find out through grapevine. I contact my lawyer but not her.
Feb - I inform her via polite email that I have been seeing someone for several months and intend to introduce her to our D. Tell her that the plan is for the next couple months all interactions between our D and the new woman will be set up as playdates with her D5.
Following week she files for primary custody.
At mediation she tells me she is going out of town the next week and that our D is going with her parents during her custody time. I request the time, she declines. The following day she emails me that I can have custody while she is gone, I suspect she told her lawyer what she said and he told her that it was stupid thing to do.
Following week she gets engaged. I find out through the grapevine.
March - custody conciliation, the master rules for 50/50 custody and to maintain our current schedule.
Since then we had a couple emails back and forth regarding D's doctor appointments.
Earlier this week she emailed me about Easter. It is her weekend but I have her for Easter this year per the ruling. She says if I want she will drop D off at 9am. I replay the order says I have her from 10-7. I would prefer 10, but if 9 is easier for my ex, that is fine. :)oes she want me to return her at 7 or take her to daycare on Monday. :)uring custody mediation she mentioned a vacation in June she has planned, so I asked her for the dates. Also her family traditionally goes to their cottage the third week in August and I asked her to confirm the dates because I am planning a vacation the first or second week in August and I want to see if there will be an overlap.
She emails last night at 9 (odd because she usually emails me during the day) to tell me that her grandmother is dying (I know this as her sister-in-law hates her and keeps me informed, SIL and I were always close over the last five years, she was the happiest when we broke up) and that she is going out of state to see her this weekend. This does not effect D's schedule. She will respond to the "issues" I brought up when she returns.
Ok I can understand that, although she is so organized she could have just opened her planner and gave me the dates with the same effort as that email. She isn't close to her grandmother so I doubt that she is really upset by this, and the woman's health really started failing a few months ago.
But she ended the email with a ps that her cat had died last month.
I responded with condolences over both. Said something nice about her grandma and cat, asked her to keep me informed so I could send condolences to her mother as well.
Why is she all the sudden sharing personal information with me? I would not have found it odd if she didn't respond to my email till next week without knowing. She hasn't shared anything personal with me since Oct or Nov.
I never asked her to get back with me. I only reached out to her regarding introducing our daughter to the new guy so soon. Never about anything else except D's schedule and illnesses.
I understand BPD influences her to move quickly in the new relationship. I suspect getting engaged means a lot because I never proposed (I always knew something was wrong) so I didn't propose to her in 5 years and replacement did in 5 months means there is something wrong with me and not her.
I suspect that she was expecting me to either contact her and freak out over moving in, engaged, filing for primary, etc - but I never did. All communication was only about D and was always civil.
Is she trying to engage me personally again because we have a custody ruling and she isn't "threatened?" Because she tried to engage me passively and that didn't work?
Is it possible that the infatuation period is wearing off with the new guy?
I don't want her back, I know that. I guess the last thing I am dealing with is wanting to know what is going on with her, part of which is concern over D's exposure/development.
Who knows about her reasonings. They may mean everything, they may mean nothing. I will tell you this though so You can prepare yourself. My uBPDexgf has two children who were young when she divorced her exH. There was always a power struggle between them over the kids, not with verbal assaults about one another in front of the kids. But they knew their mom hated their father and her dislike for him has made it clear to them he is the bad guy. Their need for control (on both their parts, and they both are responsible for it) over each other has been hard on those kids. I know it, but I'm not convinced their parents realize it. Both parents are professionals, so we are talking about folks who should know better.
This has gone on for 10 years now. The youngest still has 6 years til 18 comes up. My ex has baited and been verbally abusive to her exH over the years. It actually got worse during the course of the 10 years rather than better. My point is that whatever happens, you have your hands full the next 15 years if she is BPD. Having learned about this illness, it now makes sense to why she has behaved toward him the way he has. Your ex may be a handful. Good luck.
