Guys and gals: History Will Repeat Itself So Don't Fret

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

I know we all feel that our ex's will magically change for our replacements and give them what they failed to give to us.

The truth is... .History will ultimately repeat itself.

It may take a day, a month or even a year but our ex's true selves will eventually rear their ugly heads.

I think that is one element that gives me hope. I know by being out if the relationship with E I have the opportunity to have happiness. She will never change and whomever winds up with her will have years and years of hell.

That of course, if she doesn't decide not to become married and become a goat herder.

My fear was that some other guy would get what I didn't. She told me when we dated that she had acted like she did To me with other guys. I just stuck around way too long.

So... .The next time you think about breaking no contact count your blessings. You could be stuck with this person for the rest of your life and... .

What type of life is that?

[Jack2727]

I know we all feel that our ex's will magically change for our replacements and give them what they failed to give to us.

The truth is... .History will ultimately repeat itself.

It may take a day, a month or even a year but our ex's true selves will eventually rear their ugly heads.

I think that is one element that gives me hope. I know by being out if the relationship with E I have the opportunity to have happiness. She will never change and whomever winds up with her will have years and years of hell.

That of course, if she doesn't decide not to become married and become a goat herder.

My fear was that some other guy would get what I didn't. She told me when we dated that she had acted like she did To me with other guys. I just stuck around way too long.

So... .The next time you think about breaking no contact count your blessings. You could be stuck with this person for the rest of your life and... .

What type of life is that?

[Tim300]

Absolutely.

[apollotech]

Grab the popcorn and a Coke and get comfy. Disaster will soon begin. In a bit, Disaster 2 will be showing. One sequel right after the last. The same story, over and over again. The lead actor never changes, only the supporting actor.

[Tim300]

Grab the popcorn and a Coke and get comfy. Disaster will soon begin. In a bit, Disaster 2 will be showing. One sequel right after the last. The same story, over and over again. The lead actor never changes, only the supporting actor.

ha!

[downnout98]

She keeps claiming that this new guy is really nice and there is no drama. She did say that she does not love him since they are still getting to know each other. But that makes no sense as to how she can have him living at her house along with her daughter after just two months. He has been living there for a month now. This was less than a month after we separated but we're still talking. She is going to therapy and had said that she is different now, that I should have given her the chance. She never stuck with therapy before so I didn't think things would change. She is saying that she doesn't want to be a cheater anymore and it feels like she is giving him more than she gave me.

Or is it that this guy is a bigger doormat than I was. The thing is that he knows nothing of her past. I did.

[Recooperating]

Hey downout,

I was a replacement once. My ex left his wife and hopped on to me. He told his wife (or so he said) that with me everything would be different. That he would never cheat on me, he would never lay a hand on me, he would go to T and he would be a totally different person in our relationship. (The poor woman had to hear this weeks after the separaration. But guess what... .He did cheat, he did lay his hands on me, he quit T after diagnosis BPD, he manipulated, abused, threathned, you name it... .Action speak louder than words... .He said it all, but wasnt capable to actually stick to it... .If only I had listened to the ex-wife!

I got cheated on while engaged to be married. He left the other woman to win me back. I grew a pair and left and now he's back with the other woman who will go through the exact same crap as I did. She was left onces already and took him back as soon as I left him... .Best prediction of future behavior is past behavior... .Not a great start there... .

Am I hurt I got replaced within seconds? Yes, and I am also scared she will be his "true love" and they live happily ever after... .Maybe they will, but I really dont think so.  The FB campaign looks really good and perfect... .They do look happy together. I am just so glad I am no longer part of the drama and bs this guy creates for himself. That tranquility outweighs the hurt of being replaced. She can have him... .I wish her luck and will give her a warm welcome when she ends up on these boards... .

[GrowThroughIt]

Hey downout,

I was a replacement once. My ex left his wife and hopped on to me. He told his wife (or so he said) that with me everything would be different. That he would never cheat on me, he would never lay a hand on me, he would go to T and he would be a totally different person in our relationship. (The poor woman had to hear this weeks after the separaration. But guess what... .He did cheat, he did lay his hands on me, he quit T after diagnosis BPD, he manipulated, abused, threathned, you name it... .Action speak louder than words... .He said it all, but wasnt capable to actually stick to it... .If only I had listened to the ex-wife!

I got cheated on while engaged to be married. He left the other woman to win me back. I grew a pair and left and now he's back with the other woman who will go through the exact same crap as I did. She was left onces already and took him back as soon as I left him... .Best prediction of future behavior is past behavior... .Not a great start there... .

Am I hurt I got replaced within seconds? Yes, and I am also scared she will be his "true love" and they live happily ever after... .Maybe they will, but I really dont think so.  The FB campaign looks really good and perfect... .They do look happy together. I am just so glad I am no longer part of the drama and bs this guy creates for himself. That tranquility outweighs the hurt of being replaced. She can have him... .I wish her luck and will give her a warm welcome when she ends up on these boards... .

Soo true! I'm going through the same thing. It shows, you are much stronger than both of them. They both know exactly what the other is like but think love will prevail perhaps. I doubt it, as they do not know themselves nor love themselves.

[Hope0807]

I need a post like this at least once a day!  This is so awesome that I kinda need to write it on my forehead…or invest in a lifetime supply of coke and popcorn because what my ex is up to is wrapped up in the heartstrings of people far and wide who are CONVINCED he's a DO-GOODER and he's a freakin' TRAINWRECKKKKKK.  Damnit! 

Grab the popcorn and a Coke and get comfy. Disaster will soon begin. In a bit, Disaster 2 will be showing. One sequel right after the last. The same story, over and over again. The lead actor never changes, only the supporting actor.

[downnout98]

I need a post like this at least once a day!  This is so awesome that I kinda need to write it on my forehead…or invest in a lifetime supply of coke and popcorn because what my ex is up to is wrapped up in the heartstrings of people far and wide who are CONVINCED he's a DO-GOODER and he's a freakin' TRAINWRECKKKKKK.  Damnit! 

Grab the popcorn and a Coke and get comfy. Disaster will soon begin. In a bit, Disaster 2 will be showing. One sequel right after the last. The same story, over and over again. The lead actor never changes, only the supporting actor.

I too need to hear that I am correct in thinking that this new guy will not last either. That I made the right choice in staying away. I will be very honest in saying that it has been very hard lately. I wish that I could get over it but I have never loved this much nor have I ever given this much into a relationship. I need to stop thinking that I screwed up.

[GrowThroughIt]

I need a post like this at least once a day!  This is so awesome that I kinda need to write it on my forehead…or invest in a lifetime supply of coke and popcorn because what my ex is up to is wrapped up in the heartstrings of people far and wide who are CONVINCED he's a DO-GOODER and he's a freakin' TRAINWRECKKKKKK.  Damnit! 

Grab the popcorn and a Coke and get comfy. Disaster will soon begin. In a bit, Disaster 2 will be showing. One sequel right after the last. The same story, over and over again. The lead actor never changes, only the supporting actor.

I too need to hear that I am correct in thinking that this new guy will not last either. That I made the right choice in staying away. I will be very honest in saying that it has been very hard lately. I wish that I could get over it but I have never loved this much nor have I ever given this much into a relationship. I need to stop thinking that I screwed up.

Nah, we would have screwed up if we had stayed! We need to learn to forgive ourselves and focus on healing the issues that caused us to stay/get involved.

[Clearmind]

True!

I certainly can say thing about myself. I've had a few disordered (not necessarily BPD) as romantic partners.

Good to look at how we can not choose another Borderline - after all I certainly attached. There's a reason why!

[blissful_camper]

She keeps claiming that this new guy is really nice and there is no drama. She did say that she does not love him since they are still getting to know each other. But that makes no sense as to how she can have him living at her house along with her daughter after just two months. He has been living there for a month now. This was less than a month after we separated but we're still talking. She is going to therapy and had said that she is different now, that I should have given her the chance. She never stuck with therapy before so I didn't think things would change. She is saying that she doesn't want to be a cheater anymore and it feels like she is giving him more than she gave me.

Or is it that this guy is a bigger doormat than I was. The thing is that he knows nothing of her past. I did.

Hi Downout,

Her comments sound like classic manipulation tactics.    They are meant to point the finger at you making you the "problem."  Sharing and comparing is inappropriate on her part.  It may be time to set a boundary with her. 

[Trog]

For all the  and rubbish I carry from this relationship this one, the idea of her finding someone else and being happy, doesn't get to me. I know she will balls up any relationship for sure. I am more worried about being well and finding a new girlfriend for myself.

[Suzn]

She keeps claiming that this new guy is really nice and there is no drama.

Those who cause drama do not know what drama is.

She is going to therapy and had said that she is different now, that I should have given her the chance.

People do not change in two months, BPD or not.

She is saying that she doesn't want to be a cheater anymore and it feels like she is giving him more than she gave me. 

Really? She is two months into a new relationship and she is still contacting you.

[downnout98]

She keeps claiming that this new guy is really nice and there is no drama.

Those who cause drama do not know what drama is.

She is going to therapy and had said that she is different now, that I should have given her the chance.

People do not change in two months, BPD or not.

She is saying that she doesn't want to be a cheater anymore and it feels like she is giving him more than she gave me. 

Really? She is two months into a new relationship and she is still contacting you.

You are right everyone. The red flags are all right there in front of me and like in the beginning, I keep looking past them. She is pinning everything on me, her unhappiness is because of me. I guess it's the only way she can feel better about herself. That and having another man in her bed validating her. Sad really. I need to keep moving forward with taking care of myself.

I'm sure I will get a bunch of texts from her tomorrow, she normally reaches out to me after the weekend. Usually starts off with work topics and then escalates.