What do these mean?

[Reecer1588]

Well, being the crazy stalker I am , I was doing some late night investigating.

So I went to visit my buddy a few weeks who goes to the same college as my uBPDexgf goes to. This is the same friend who was I believe was targeted by my uBPDexgf to become a part of the "karpman drama Triangle" when my exgf and I were fighting. Of course, he wanted no part of it, so that failed, and my ex ended up scorning him over text to.

While I was visiting him, he straight up blocked my exgf on facebook as a sign of good faith towards me.

I've had my uBPDexgf blocked on facebook for a while, but I was just curious whether my friend had refriended her, sure enough, nope! He has not.

Out of pure accident, I saw something.

One of my exe's friends put her public profile pic as a picture of my ex and her. Dated march 6th, it's the most recent pic of my ex I've been able to see in a long time.

I think my ex is breaking down mentally. I can't be sure of that... .but I've got bits and pieces.

The only thing I've been able to see of my ex are these: What she 'pins' on the site 'pinterest', This picture on facebook, and what public things she has on facebook.

Here's what the "signs" are, it fascinates me:

1. My exe's profile pic on facebook is dated 2 days before her and I started falling out. It's a weird ass picture. It's literally her looking directly at the her cell phone.

So January 7th, Profile pic: Her face is tidy, and she has cheeks which are lifted, she looks heavier than she used to... .but just in an 'older' way.

      March 6th: It's a noticable difference in her face, cheeks are much fuller, face is more "rounded"

                     So basically, Sign One: Weight Gain.

2. Up until march 6th (it's been over a week since then now), you can tell in the picture my ex hasn't once cut her hair. In like, over a month. It's all the way below her chest now. I don't think I've ever seen it quite that long before.

3. She used to always paint her nails with me. Almost always. Now she doesn't paint them.  Point is, were she dating someone now, she definitely would be keeping better care of herself. And probably rubbing it in my face too.  

                     Sign 2: No Replacement.

4. A few weeks ago, I had to log into my ex's netflix in order to log out of it. Oh my God, she's been watching literally a crap ton of it. I mean 8+ seasons of friends, multiple documentaries, she must be just watching a TON of it.

                      Sign 3: Spending a lot of time alone/ Watching Netflix? Hermit behavior

5. Of course the turmoil that was her "eliminating reece" from her life (those were the words she used)

 

                       Sign 4: Eliminating her one real friend without any replacements

6. Hello, Jesus? My ex was raised catholic. Told me she hated going to confession. Said she didn't care for it. Never active in an evangelical group before.

     And now? All over her pinterest and facebook: Stuff about Jesus and the Lord. She really wants to be a part of a group called "Breakaway Ministries" at her college. It's a huge student bible-study based weekly church. But like I said, the point being, she's all the sudden this religious girl when she never was before.

                      Sign 5: Rapid change of spiritual habits


Questions for respondents (Feel free to quote this section in responses):

1. What does the weight gain mean, if anything?

2. Are all of these valid signs of mental deterioration?

3. Do these things coincide with someone who might have BPD?

4. Have I been replaced by Jesus?

[fromheeltoheal]

Most of us go through a period of change after a major breakup, borderline or not, marathon TV sessions with ice cream, sleep marathons, whining to strangers on the next bar stool, whatever.  And it's natural to want to check up on our exes, easier today with social media and such.  It's early for you Reecer and you're still emotionally connected to her, so do what you gotta do, but also start to work on slowly shifting the focus from her to you and from the past to the future, so you can begin detaching.  Depending how long the relationship lasted and how good you feel about yourself, detaching can take a while and you will go through stages, one of which is letting go of her and any remaining hope that the relationship could ever work; that can be a biggie, going from a sliver of hope to no hope is a huge leap, but for now best to look at your motivations for checking up on her and trying to parse her behaviors and their meaning.  Take care of you!

[Reecer1588]

Thanks. God I miss her so much. i can't believe she just dropped me like she did. And now she wants absolutely nothing to do with me. God it sucks so much.

[Glutton4punishment]

Thanks. God I miss her so much. i can't believe she just dropped me like she did. And now she wants absolutely nothing to do with me. God it sucks so much.

I am 8 months out and still feel the same way. It's hard man, hang in there. If it weren't hard then you didn't love her.

[Reecer1588]

The main point of the thread is this:

My ex doesn't have a new boyfriend to suck emotions from, and she's all the sudden all religious, is she replacing me with religion?

[fromheeltoheal]

I know it sucks Reecer, excruciatingly painful, and you may just find, looking back a while from now, that this experience was one of the best things that has happened, because of the growth it inspired.

is she replacing me with religion?

She's doing what she can to manage her disorder, same as always.  A bigger question is what are you replacing her with?

[Reecer1588]

Utter sadness. Frustration. Despair.

I can not get over the fact that she ruined everything we had together, and now it's like she's a whole different person than she was before.

Other than her obsession with horses. That seems to have ramped up since she dropped me.

[JRT]

Reecer

Have you read 'Walking on Eggshells'? If not, it is mandatory reading for a non.

I recall reading that it is frequently the case that a BPD will let themselves go to sh!t a bit after a breakup... .I forget the rationale.

[Reecer1588]

Yeah. Here's my point, it looks like my ex is sort of, well, retreating, I guess "regressing" might be a better term for it.

She's become even more uber-involved in horses and equine at her school. She was always obsessed with horses, but now it looks like literally that is all she does. All her new friends on facebook, all equine people at her school. I mean, her school has like 60,000 people. It's an extremely social school. She's got like 50 friends on facebook, a lot of which are grown adults from our high school. So maybe she only has like 30 friends our age.

It's just weird for me.

I always thought that BPDex's were supposed to have replacements lined up. Mine definitely didn't. I figured that after she trashed me, she'd try and go out, maybe meet someone, but quite to the contrary, it looks like she's kind of hermitted even more since she trashed me.

And what's up with her and all the religious stuff now? I mean, I definitely became more religious after what happened, I pray every day she'll text me or something. I ask God every day why He seems to have taken her away from me. But it's odd to me that she also became more religious.

[JRT]

BPD hermits do not... .mine likely does not have a replacement either

Have your read about hermits?

[Reecer1588]

BPD hermits do not... .mine likely does not have a replacement either

Have your read about hermits?

I've only been able to find tiny bits of information on it. Do you have any sources or links you could post here?

[JRT]

BPD hermits do not... .mine likely does not have a replacement either

Have your read about hermits?

I've only been able to find tiny bits of information on it. Do you have any sources or links you could post here?

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=61982.0

[Reecer1588]

BPD hermits do not... .mine likely does not have a replacement either

Have your read about hermits?

I've only been able to find tiny bits of information on it. Do you have any sources or links you could post here?

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=61982.0

Thanks, JRT. But I've already read that whole thread and a thread called "what are the traits of a BPD hermit?"

So I know about it, and I think my ex is probably one. But there's just not a whole lot of info out there about it.

Appreciate what everyone is doing to support me.

I guess I thought it'd make me feel better if I knew my exgf weren't doing great without me.

Twisted, I know.

Of course, it didn't make me feel better. Only her texting me would do that. Or getting over her. But neither of those things are going to happen, and so I'm stuck.

[JRT]

I actually felt better knowing that my ex was feeling bad... .well, she SHOULD!

You WILL get over it... .you just need to do the things that will help in that regard. Being on these boards and reading is one of those activities.

[Reecer1588]

So to the original question everyone,

Are the things I described in the threat valid signs she might not be doing well?

Everyone's input on this is appreciated! 

[billypilgrim]

So to the original question everyone,

Are the things I described in the threat valid signs she might not be doing well?

Everyone's input on this is appreciated! 

If she's BPD, she's never doing "well."  Or at least by the standards that I hold to the phrase "doing well."  Furthermore, I'd try to be more focused and concerned with yourself rather than your ex.  You obviously think your ex has shown signs of BPD traits, as you have found your way here.  Ask yourself, what do you get out of detective-ing your way to this conclusion?  What sort of conclusion are you hoping to come to?  What does coming to a conclusion about how she is doing do for you?  What do you feel like you get out of this exercise?   

 

[JRT]

I think that Reecer is looking to know about something that I have often wondered about: is she in mourning? Did she care enough so that she feels miserable as well? Is she sitting on the sofa with a quart of ice cream watching reruns of 'Friends' and is in general a big sloppy mess? Am I getting this right Reecer?

[zeus123]

Reecer1588.

obviously you sound like you are a co-dependent and you are having hard time coming to terms about the loss of your relationship. If your exBPDgf dumped you; trust me she has giving you a favor. it is time to move on and look to your future. you have tried to have a functional relationship with a dysfunctional woman. yearning for her and what she is doing keeps you ensnared after the break up and prolongs your healing process. if i was you i would start to implement strict NO CONTACT(NC) RULES and avoid any news that relates to her. good luck!

[Reecer1588]

Reecer1588.

obviously you sound like you are a co-dependent and you are having hard time coming to terms about the loss of your relationship. If your exBPDgf dumped you; trust me she has giving you a favor. it is time to move on and look to your future. you have tried to have a functional relationship with a dysfunctional woman. yearning for her and what she is doing keeps you ensnared after the break up and prolongs your healing process. if i was you i would start to implement strict NO CONTACT(NC) RULES and avoid any news that relates to her. good luck!

I have been strict NC with her for over 1 month.

[JRT]

Reecer1588.

obviously you sound like you are a co-dependent and you are having hard time coming to terms about the loss of your relationship. If your exBPDgf dumped you; trust me she has giving you a favor. it is time to move on and look to your future. you have tried to have a functional relationship with a dysfunctional woman. yearning for her and what she is doing keeps you ensnared after the break up and prolongs your healing process. if i was you i would start to implement strict NO CONTACT(NC) RULES and avoid any news that relates to her. good luck!

I have been strict NC with her for over 1 month.

\


Reecer

Going on FB qualifies as contact... .so does any indirect contact like talking to mutual friends.

[zeus123]

no contact categorically including not looking for pictures on facebook. try to avoid any news that relate to her.

[Reecer1588]

I think that Reecer is looking to know about something that I have often wondered about: is she in mourning? Did she care enough so that she feels miserable as well? Is she sitting on the sofa with a quart of ice cream watching reruns of 'Friends' and is in general a big sloppy mess? Am I getting this right Reecer?

You have it exactly right, JRT. by the way, she constantly watches that exact show now. Bit of irony there.

[Reecer1588]

no contact categorically including not looking for pictures on facebook. try to avoid any news that relate to her.

I can not bring myself to do that at this time.

[JRT]

no contact categorically including not looking for pictures on facebook. try to avoid any news that relate to her.

I can not bring myself to do that at this time.

Reecer

I hope that this does not sound mean because that is not my intent: If you do not do the things that will help you to heal, then you cannot expect a whole ton of support from other members. Be good to YOURSELF man. Do the things that others have done to heal from the pain.

[Reecer1588]

no contact categorically including not looking for pictures on facebook. try to avoid any news that relate to her.

I can not bring myself to do that at this time.

Reecer

I hope that this does not sound mean because that is not my intent: If you do not do the things that will help you to heal, then you cannot expect a whole ton of support from other members. Be good to YOURSELF man. Do the things that others have done to heal from the pain.

That didn't come off as mean. I understand what you are saying, JRT. Sometimes I guess I just feel like I'm climbing a mountain without the right gear

[JRT]

you are being offered the right gear but I feel that you are refusing to accept it... .we have all climbed the same mountain, don't invent your own way of climbing it... .it is very likely to take longer and will much less safe than ways that have already been invented and are still successfully in use.

[fromheeltoheal]

Sometimes I guess I just feel like I'm climbing a mountain without the right gear

Climbing a mountain is a lot of work, and it doesn't need to be; instead of climbing anything, just focus on letting go, which is easy, it's the sitting with the emotions afterward that can be challenging, and we know how to get through that.  Do it when you're ready, but cyberstalking her and analyzing her state is not letting go.  Take care of you!

[Reecer1588]

Sometimes I guess I just feel like I'm climbing a mountain without the right gear

Climbing a mountain is a lot of work, and it doesn't need to be; instead of climbing anything, just focus on letting go, which is easy, it's the sitting with the emotions afterward that can be challenging, and we know how to get through that.  Do it when you're ready, but cyberstalking her and analyzing her state is not letting go.  Take care of you!

You're absolutely right.