Love at first sight

[Maternus]

I'm just curios. Did anyone of you believe in love at first sight before your r/s with a pwBPD?

I did. But now I'm an apostate.

[Technique]

Yup! 

I thought I had won the lottery. She was super hot, extremely into me and we 'connected' so well.

Oops.

[HappyNihilist]

I didn't believe in love at first sight, and I didn't love my exBPDbf at first sight, either. We were together over 2 months before I told him I loved him - and even then I felt it was early. I did, however, have an insane attraction to him from the beginning, not just physical. We had chemistry for sure.

To me, love has to grow from something. I don't see how there could be love at first sight, except with a parent and child.

But perhaps we have different interpretations of "love" here. What exactly do you mean when you say "love at first sight?"

[Maternus]

What exactly do you mean when you say "love at first sight?"

Good question. I'm referring to this Hollywood-stereotype of "love at first sight" . Boy meets girl, their eyes meet and it clicks. We are taught by movies, tv-series and literature, that there is something like "love at first sight" and that it is magic. When there is no real love and no boundaries in your FOO and all you know about love is a fantasy, you are doomed to fell for a cluster-b-disordered person. They spot the lack of love in your life, they see your vulnerabilities and before you know what happens, they are hooked up with you. 

[fromheeltoheal]

Healthy, mature love grows with time so whatever happens at first sight couldn't be love.  I read the other day that it takes 3 or 4 years to really get to know someone; don't know how accurate that is, and I'd say most of knowing someone happens in the beginning, but we do surprise each other once in a while.

On the other hand attraction is not a choice and we know within seconds if we're attracted to someone or not.  Confusing that for love is a sketchy path.  Been there!

[Maternus]

There is something about me, that is really strange. I was in a relationship before I met my uBPDex. And it was a healthy relationship, no love at first sight, it started slowly - and it lasted 25 years. I had it all before, but I was thinking, it was wrong - because there was no drama, no roller-coaster-ride, no helter-skelter. It was different from the romantic relationships I knew from my parents, so I thought, this relationship and marriage is wrong.

It's so humiliating. My life was good, I had a good wife, a supporting and empathetic partner - and I threw it all away for the love of a pwBPD.   

[ShadowIntheNight]

I was definitely in love "at first sight with the ex before my uBPDexgf." She  was a bit off, but she was the sanest person on earth next to my ex. And that relationship was why I was so cautious with my now ex.

Having said that, when I saw a photo of her the first time, I was knocked away by her looks. In reality the previous ex was better looking, but the current ex was good looking too. But not to the point of throwing caution to the wind. I had way too much to lose to become involved with a woman with two young kids who lived in a separate city from me. I was super cautious. I knew I loved her in a first love kind of giddy way after about two or three months. It wasn't until about after 8 months that I was ready to let my defenses down and take a full-fledged I'm in love with this woman totally. What a mistake... .

[Invictus01]

I wouldn't say it was the love at first sight... .but there was so much crazy chemistry between us it was insane. Literally 2 days before I met her I went out on a date with somebody else. The girl bored me to tears, in 2 hours there were so many awkward pauses and silent breaks, it was painful. This one... .instant chemistry, we talked for 3 hours non-stop, lots in common, the same kind of humor, mutual attraction, etc... .It really was like some sort of a Hollywood movie. Hell, she hit on me the day before to get my number. And it went on for about 6 months... .and then the movie theater blew up... .