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How to communicate after a contentious divorce... Following a contentious divorce and custody battle, there are often high emotion and tensions between the parents. Research shows that constant and chronic conflict between the parents negatively impacts the children. The children sense their parents anxiety in their voice, their body language and their parents behavior. Here are some suggestions from Dean Stacer on how to avoid conflict.
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Author Topic: He's flaunting the new fiancee  (Read 543 times)
StarOfTheSea
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Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: Four months post-breakup.
Posts: 100



« on: April 03, 2015, 07:46:07 PM »

I just checked my exBPDbf's photography business page on FB and he has a new album of photos of his new fiancee. This is the woman he was emotionally cheating on me with and that he asked to marry him six weeks after our b/u. He had dated her over a decade ago and she cheated on him.

I'm so, how can I say this? Grossed out by his behavior. It's not so much the photos that are ridiculous but it's the captions he added to them, about how lovely, smart and gorgeous she is. This is the woman he berated for being stupid, a whore, slut, cheating bi-h, a c- word, etc. (Sorry for the strong language.)

Funny thing is, some her clothing was almost identical to mine. It's almost like he posted the photos to spite me, like he knew I would look at them. It repulses me to think that her clothes are now hanging in my closet and she's sleeping in our bed.

What else is odd is that he has no recent photos posted of his daughter. That makes me so sad. I always felt like he treated her more like a pet than a treasured child, that she was simply an accessory to his life that he had to deal with. And now his shiny new toy is on the scene ( I know she has children of her own, wonder where they are? She's from a different state.) so where does that leave his little girl? Her mom has extreme mental health issues and her dad obviously has serious issues as well.

I hate how he could throw me away like he did. Especially after all we went through. We created a baby together, that's an incredible, magical thing and we also lost our little boy, which is the most desperate, horrifying grief I have ever known. And after all that he could just cut me out of his life like I never existed. That makes me so very sad that the father of my child is someone is someone I can never speak to again.

I'm just really icked out by this new discovery. And I know NC means NC 100% but I was curious because I sensed that something was up.
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mitatsu
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Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 209


« Reply #1 on: April 03, 2015, 08:01:13 PM »

What he's doing is 'self soothing' at the expense of another human being... .dont take it personally alot of us have been there and whilst it hurts there is nothing we could of done about the outcome

be strong be brave be you 
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StarOfTheSea
***
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Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: Four months post-breakup.
Posts: 100



« Reply #2 on: April 03, 2015, 08:57:03 PM »

What he's doing is 'self soothing' at the expense of another human being... .dont take it personally alot of us have been there and whilst it hurts there is nothing we could of done about the outcome

be strong be brave be you 

 

Mitatsu,

Is he self soothing because he feels guilty? This is so out of character for him to be so blatant. It's like he's lost his mind.
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Turkish
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Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Other
Relationship status: "Divorced"/abandoned by SO in Feb 2014; Mother with BPD, PTSD, Depression and Anxiety: RIP in 2021.
Posts: 12183


Dad to my wolf pack


« Reply #3 on: April 03, 2015, 09:41:30 PM »

We aren't the sources of their core wounds, but we unwittingly become triggers. He's now attached to someone new to feel whole. That she abandoned him before? He's dissociated from that likely.

I'm sorry for the loss of your family, Star, in all ways.
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