Dealt with what I suspect was a BPD female who caused so much pain

[LivingOn]

I was romantically involved with a female who i suspect has BPD, i am also seeing a therapist who I explained everything to into detail, she's also confident that is has BPD and also one of her friends told me that she has it, i never asked him how he knew or anything as I didn't want to know to much about it. Like most story's on here the begging was so unreal, the compliments, how good looking I am, how much i mean to her, how much she is in love with me and so on. And then started the lies and games, she told me how her ex of two years cheated on her with her best friend ( as my therapist pointed out, so she lost her best friend and her bf in the same day, think about what kind of rs she had with this people for them to to that to her.) Also i found her timing was off when she talked about her past. At he start we would have sex regularly later only when she was in the mood, her excuses ( I feel as tho you don't you on, or i got my period-which i know is a lie because she had it 2 weeks prior, all you want is sex)

She would come to the gym where i work with her work mate, who she claimed that she never told him about us because he knows her parents, when we broke up i asked him, and he claims she told him from the start. She would constantly lie about things but whats worse somehow when i questioned her she would turn it on me, so i would defend myself. She would tell me that am jealous and insecure but then would text me saying " I don't know why you are so patient and understanding with me but i want you to know that am thankful" She would get carried away with the smallest thing, i remember her yelling at me in the middle of the street with people around, i could not believe it, it didnt seem like her. She would cancell our plans the last minute due to her mood swings. There is so so much more i feel bad writing on here am afraid the post will be to long and no one will read it. Can anyone share similar experiences and how they stopped blaming them self's for the failed  relationship. THANK YOU GUYS!

[LivingOn]

Also wanted to mention, when i tried hard with her it wasn't  good enough i was pushing the relationship, when i tried not to show to much i didn't care enough. Another thing i my therapist pointed out is... .her parents would call her 10 times in a hour if she didn't answer the call, wonder why? They must of knew she is troubled

[Spartacus]

Hi LivingOn,

Welcome to the family! I'm glad you've found your way here. This is a great place to share and vent and to validate your own feelings and find so many people have experienced the same things. The patterns of BPD behavior seem so fixed. I'm sorry to hear you've been going through such emotional turmoil. It is tough but from my experience time away from the chaos and crazymaking really does heal and clear the FOG.

I see lots of what you wrote fit my story too. I was with my uBPDw for 3 years and after the incredible 'drugging' of idealization for the first few months there came a steady escalation of mood swings, guilt tripping, raging,  testing the waters to see how I would respond. Several break-ups, which she denied were that but lasted a matter of days, using sex to control situations, switching arguments so I all too readily took the blame, normalizing her behavior saying it was what all couples go through - 'rupture and repair to make us stronger' was a favorite saying as well as how patient and kind I was to put up with her. She would say that she was dealing with her stuff but it only got more extreme. I had her shouting, begging on her knees and going through all sorts of emotions in one episode in the street. It was disturbing to see her change form anger to tears to calm accusations so quickly. Usually it would work and bring out the carer in me. She was unnaturally close to her parents too, for someone in their mid 30s, painting them black and white constantly.

I left her after only 7 weeks of marriage realizing that I did not recognize the person I had married. The guilt is huge but time heals and talking to a T and close friends has really helped. I wrote a list of all the things that she had said or done which drove me to leave and I recall that when the guilt kicks in which it still does even after 8 months. Good luck to you. How long were you together? How does it feel to not walk on eggshells, second guess yourself all the time? Feel free to write as much as you like. It does help and people here are so willing to support you. Sounds like you are taking time to look after yourself which is great. Take care.

Spartacus

[LivingOn]

Spartacus Thank you for your support and am sorry you went through hell. My rs didn't last that long maybe its a blessing, after going crazy i asked for a break so we can both think about whats going on, me thinking maybe she gonna realize that am gonna walk out if things don't get better... after the break she was all over me until I told her how i felt about her after that she cut me off like i was nothing to her, its was 8 months r/s and 4 months of contact after that, me trying to help her and understand her, but it was me initiating. It dose not help that she works 50m down the road from me and lives 5 min walk from where i live. I remember one time we were watching tv and talking how we met, and her telling me how she fell for me from the start and then she says " Its gonna be strange ones we break up, am not gonna be able to walk past your street or come to the same gym" So i go why do you think we gonna break up? Her answer, " well we have to break up sooner or later, do you know what the chances of meeting some you gonna ed up with" I should of walked away then and there. I asked her so many times whats wrong i can see that everything is not 100% with you? She would never give me a straight up answer, until i found out later by reading stuff on here and other sites.  One time she promised we were gonna spend the weekend together as she usually went to see her parents on the weekend, but of course that didn't happen... .but she come to visit me for an hour that nigh all dressed up, she left after 30 minutes, ones she got " home" she messaged me saying it was good seeing me, i replied  but nothing after that, so few days later i asked her why she didn't respond to my text, her answer, your viber " location said you were not home, i was pissed of at you but did not want to start an argument" Spartacus can you share some of the  lies?