E

[Didshereallyleavethistime]

My girlfriend (E) has had an unbievably tough year. She lost her best friend and has not been able to return to work. She hasn't received any of the proper help she needs to get back on track and has recently been diagnosed with BPD. She has told me every other day for the last year how much she thinks she sucks and how she just needs to be dead. Then a couple hours later everything is calm again. I have told her everytime that I am not going anywhere and that I love her. But it doesn't seem to dilute the situation. There is so much anger in her eyes and I don't know who she is sometimes. In the last few months the threatening of suicide has become a frequent thing. With not one attempt. It confuses me to no end because does she actually want to kill herself? Or does she just need to say it out loud? Either way it scared the hell out of me. I just don't know what to do

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[EaglesJuju]

Hi Didshereallyleavethistime, 

I am sorry that you are going through this.  It is hard to cope with BPD behaviors. 

It seems as if your person with BPD (pwBPD) is really struggling with many forms of loss. Many times perceived abandonment or rejection, evoke a feeling that a person with BPD is "bad."  These perceptions can reinforce a pwBPD's typical feelings of self-loathing, hopelessness, and poor self-esteem. Many times a pwBPD will react to abandonment with anger, resentment, bitterness, and sarcasm.

Many times talks of suicide or suicidal ideation are a cry for help.  PwBPD tend to have many depressive symptoms and unfortunately for pwBPD their feelings and emotions are incredibly intense.  It is very hard and scary to cope with suicidal ideation.    I have dealt with quite a few suicide attempts from my pwBPD and it very hard to cope with. Here is a link that can really help with coping with suicidal ideation.  Please take a look.

TOOLS: Dealing with threats of Suicide and Suicide Attempts

Other than the suicidal ideation, what other types of behavior are you having a difficult time coping with?

[an0ught]

Hi Didshereallyleavethistime,

dealing with all the drama a pwBPD brings with them is not easy. Dealing with suicide threats is incredibly wearing out .

I have told her everytime that I am not going anywhere and that I love her. But it doesn't seem to dilute the situation.

Dealing with fear of abandonment is not simple at all! Telling her over and over again what you do may well be invalidating and making matters worse. Often careful listening and validation is more effective. Check out the workshops on validation and use the board to improve your understanding. It takes a while to get your head around it but then it can make a huge difference.

,

a0

[waverider]

Following on what an0ught says, dont talk about what you are going to do, ask her how she is feeling and her emotions. Don't try to analyse it or work it out, because you wont be able to. Just show you are listening (support) and interested (empathy).

Dont try to tell her she is wrong in any of her feelings, all you are doing is giving her an avenue so that she can open up and talk. Don't try to problem solve.

Abandonment does not not always mean physically leaving, it can also mean that she feels you dont understand how she feels. (you dont, but by asking it shows you are not distancing yourself)

Waverider