infatuation / devaluation

[fromheeltoheal]

So deciding that someone is bad for you overall and then choosing not to spend time with them is now narcissism.

Lol no that's not the original text.  the original text describes a model I merely pointed out what that model is.  It then delineated and invoked other images to hide behind. And by "it" I mean the following texts.

We're all here examining our narcissism and trying to come to terms with the pain it has been hiding from us all these years.  Our narciissm created attractive models of reality to hide from our pain. For a while on these boards I sort of bought into that and then it blew up in my face so for a while when I saw Narcisissm sort of repackage itself attractively it would trigger me so I leaned into my pain and decided to explore it when I see it to understand the other.  When it gets really triggering for me is right when I'm about to confront myself.  

Again, speak for YOURSELF.  Why in dog's green Earth, do you feel the need to speak for me or others on this issue?

Might I suggest that this pattern is your narcissism?  But there is always a clever out to any statement, right? So long as you are willing to think about why you must be right for a few hours.

I did similar things as you are.  I was young.

Yes, Blim is mighty judgmental and lofty, but he's omniscient you see, so we should listen.

[myself]

Yes, Blim is mighty judgmental and lofty, but he's omniscient you see, so we should listen.

Wow! This isn't one of your greatest posts either, heel. You doing alright? Sounds a bit 'judgmental and lofty' yourself, actually. At least you've proven you're not 'omniscient', right? Is how you're reacting because you were feeling more devalued than idealized, and it got your dander up? You like it better when people don't call you on your stuff? There's still time, you can work through that, we're here to help. You can say it's because blimblam was being a _____, but he's respectfully sharing what he's learned (without resorting to name calling and etc.), and yes we should listen to him same as we should you. If we choose to, and it helps with our own healing. That's what this is supposed to be about. It's a chance for each of us here to express ourselves, be heard, and have some conversation about it. Parts of this thread seem to show that some people insist on having the last word, which does show narcissistic traits when you're honest about it. Could be blimblam's been onto something all along, and it just touched a nerve?

But hey, in the meantime, take care a you! Peace.

[Blimblam]

So deciding that someone is bad for you overall and then choosing not to spend time with them is now narcissism.

Lol no that's not the original text.  the original text describes a model I merely pointed out what that model is.  It then delineated and invoked other images to hide behind. And by "it" I mean the following texts.

We're all here examining our narcissism and trying to come to terms with the pain it has been hiding from us all these years.  Our narciissm created attractive models of reality to hide from our pain. For a while on these boards I sort of bought into that and then it blew up in my face so for a while when I saw Narcisissm sort of repackage itself attractively it would trigger me so I leaned into my pain and decided to explore it when I see it to understand the other.  When it gets really triggering for me is right when I'm about to confront myself.  

Again, speak for YOURSELF.  Why in dog's green Earth, do you feel the need to speak for me or others on this issue?

Might I suggest that this pattern is your narcissism?  But there is always a clever out to any statement, right? So long as you are willing to think about why you must be right for a few hours.

I did similar things as you are.  I was young.

Yes, Blim is mighty judgmental and lofty, but he's omniscient you see, so we should listen.

Lol.  I called a spade a spade. You are not the spade.  No one is narcissism it's just some sort of structure.  I'm not even sure if it is the structure is more like the illusion that different aspects of the structure as a whole are seperate and to be pit against each other.  Those in uncomfortable feelings are not me tey are not even Blimblam.  They are there to remind you there is a part of yourself you are not aware of.  A vulnerable part of you that feels pain that you are ashamed of that your psyche has split into an illusionary other. The pain of that other is your own when you know that pain as your own and forgiven it you will know yourself. It's an ongoing process we never stop learning!

But I am not free of this! But confronting this part of myself has been uncomfortable. The thing is though their are moments that those lost parts in the void are recovered and it is liberating.  Their is probably still more down their im pretty sure of it and it's when I feel discomfort that I am getting close to it.  That's why they say lean into the pain and the Buddhists to find comfort in the discomfort. 

If we adopt a mindset of their are two kind of people good and bad. Bad if they cause me to feel discomfort so teu must be discarded. It's just a way of externalizing the discomfort into an "other." Essentially it's just running away from ourselves and it is really not much different than how a pwBPD runs away from theirself when they split somone and move on. 

There is no "other!"

Just like jon the matrix their is no spoon.

Lean into the pain

[jhkbuzz]

Wow, it's sad that dobie's original post has been derailed.  Perhaps one of you can start a new thread about narcissism?

Yes, dobie, being knocked off the pedestal was really painful.  So painful, in fact, that I tried to deny that it was happening for a while.

There's a lot of reasons why it was painful... .one of the biggest for me is that I began to find my identity in helping her improve her life (and by default, the quality of her daughter's life).  I was also in love, and to be devalued by someone who knows you better than anyone in the world is just HARD.

It's taught me valuable lessons, though... .about not finding my identity through a relationship; about being secure enough in myself to recognize emotionally abusive behavior; about the importance of having a healthy dose of self esteem (and getting OUT when someone starts to chip away at it).

I know you won't want to hear this, but it takes time to bounce back. There's no substitute for time, unfortunately. I'm also seeing a T, which helps with processing the grief.