overwhelmed

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

Have been in a relationship for the past five years with a woman with BPD. Broken up many times and always back together. She ended it abruptly for good last week in a hurtful way. 30 days ago she presented me with her long term and short term goals of having us get engaged. I was close to her two children still living with her. I didn't even get to say goodbye. I have felt that the way we fight was out of control. I started looking up things that it could possibly be and have determined that this must be it. Not only do some things fit but everything fits. I'm overwhelmed and sad and hurt and angry at myself for staying for so long and now need to figure out why I stayed. Although I understand most of what my issues (like wanting her to love me, since I grew up abused) are I don't know how to move forward and don't know how to stop this from happening again. Understanding what is your issue doesn't mean you can fix it.

[Speedster]

Have been in a relationship for the past five years with a woman with BPD. Broken up many times and always back together. She ended it abruptly for good last week in a hurtful way. 30 days ago she presented me with her long term and short term goals of having us get engaged. I was close to her two children still living with her. I didn't even get to say goodbye. I have felt that the way we fight was out of control. I started looking up things that it could possibly be and have determined that this must be it. Not only do some things fit but everything fits. I'm overwhelmed and sad and hurt and angry at myself for staying for so long and now need to figure out why I stayed. Although I understand most of what my issues (like wanting her to love me, since I grew up abused) are I don't know how to move forward and don't know how to stop this from happening again. Understanding what is your issue doesn't mean you can fix it.

[Mutt]

Hi Speedster,



I'm sorry to hear that. It's traumatic, chaotic and confusing when a partner with traits of a personality disorder rejects us.

I'm a level headed person and it takes a lit to get myself triggered and I was arguing and fighting with my ex partner and things were spiraling out of control. It's nit until a family member mentioned BPD that things started to click into place.

I'm glad that you have found us, many members share similar experiences.

Understanding what is your issue doesn't mean you can fix it.

I think it starts with owning your issues.

Was she always blaming you?

Have you seen the kids since the split?

[Speedster]

Yes, she was always blaming me. I thought I was going insane. She would accuse me of things she didn't like about herself. When I would tell her that she of course would say I was in denial. No, I haven't see her kids since we broke up. SHe has done this several times before. She claimed I wasn't close to her kids but I tried to do everything for them. They knew she was always breaking up with me or upset about something so they didn't know how to act either. I think she almost liked it that way she was such a control freak.