Long Term Problems with SO

[Depression = 72% of members]

Married over 45 years. I have had problems for some time, off and on, with my wife. More good times than bad, by far, over the years, but problem cycles seemed to intensify a couple years after I retired (from law enforcement, about 15 years ago on an early retirement... . so for about the last 12 years).

Problems worsened even more during latter part of 2013 with being told in December 2013 that she didn't love me any more (which then morphed into that she loved me, but didn't think that she could love me in the way / extent that she "thought" that I needed to be loved).

We separated for just over 2 months before I returned. Though there's been a lot of lies and broken promises (counseling books that would be read, counseling sessions that would be done, behaviors that would be established), there has been cycles of improvement (think 3 steps forward and 2 steps back then 1 step forward then 1 step forward and 2 steps back then 3 steps forward and 1 step back, etcetera, etcetera)... . with overall a very slow and gradual improvement in "MOST" areas.

It has required a LOT of patience on my part and using as many positive techniques as possible - and a continuous positive and optimistic mindset.

And so I continue to be hopeful - but at the same time cautious.

[LRS1969]

Married over 45 years. I have had problems for some time, off and on, with my wife. More good times than bad, by far, over the years, but problem cycles seemed to intensify a couple years after I retired (from law enforcement, about 15 years ago on an early retirement... . so for about the last 12 years).

Problems worsened even more during latter part of 2013 with being told in December 2013 that she didn't love me any more (which then morphed into that she loved me, but didn't think that she could love me in the way / extent that she "thought" that I needed to be loved).

We separated for just over 2 months before I returned. Though there's been a lot of lies and broken promises (counseling books that would be read, counseling sessions that would be done, behaviors that would be established), there has been cycles of improvement (think 3 steps forward and 2 steps back then 1 step forward then 1 step forward and 2 steps back then 3 steps forward and 1 step back, etcetera, etcetera)... . with overall a very slow and gradual improvement in "MOST" areas.

It has required a LOT of patience on my part and using as many positive techniques as possible - and a continuous positive and optimistic mindset.

And so I continue to be hopeful - but at the same time cautious.

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Ceruleanblue]

Welcome! Do you suspect she has BPD, or some other personality disorder? How long did you do counseling sessions? My husband and I just started marriage therapy, but have had quite a few sessions with his therapist prior to that. I'd often leave feeling validated by her(understood, at least), but never felt that BPDh really took it in, or if he did, that he ever made any effort toward change. It got incredibly frustrating, so I know that one step forward, two back feeling.

If you have more good memories and times than bad, that is something to built on, and something good going for your relationship though. At this point, I'd love to have a few good times. I'm hoping we get back to that.

Again, welcome, and I hope you keep posting because this is a great place to get some advice and tools.

[Mike-X]

Welcome to the boards. Is she currently in therapy? If so, do you know whether the therapist specializes in BPD? It sound like a typical path of incremental progress with some setbacks. Can you give some details on the techniques that you have found successful?

Also, what are you doing for your own mental and physical health?